School not taking note of creepy behaviour

[Savethegirls]

Posting here for traffic and name changed for this question.

At my child’s secondary school, one of boys (15yrs)leaked his friend’s ipad contents. Screenshots of ipad had folders for several girls as young as 12. Its had pictures and text about how his interaction with these girls.

School suspended the boy who found it and circulated the screenshots, saying privacy violations. And all kids had to delete every evidence gathered. Parent of the creepy boy keep telling everyone its his habit to write notes and some of it was just “fantasy “.

Now obviously backlash no one is talking to the boy but the deputy Headmaster is now singled out girls and asking them to not believe these stories and they need to talk to him.

the creepy boy is in Drama tech crew and probably has a stash of pics from last few yrs.

the girls have seen the evidence and not ready to trust the school.

YABU - overthinking this
YANBU- call the Headmaster over this

parents and kids are feeling there might be repercussions at school if they complain. Any advice on how to handle this?

so if you were in the girls shoes you would be okay to continue to interact with someone who you know that will write fantasies about you in their ipad?

Just because these girls are “disturbed”, doesn’t mean this boy has done anything wrong. And, by the sounds of it, he hasn’t.

Call the headmaster immediately. Safeguarding issue. God knows what the child is doing at home. Parents probably haven't got a clue.

Unchecked behaviour very similar to this escalated and resulted in life-changing trauma for my dd, I won't give further details but these behaviours just cannot be allowed.

Is this not a device-free school? If so it needs to be. That boy needs dealing with asap.

I don't think it's fair they're being told they have to interact with anyone who has made them feel uncomfortable so I don't think YABU. I don't think it's comparable to a girl doing the same thing, maybe I'm wrong there.

I wrote love stories about boys when I was in school. Im sure many other people did. I would have been mortified if anyone ever seen them. But all that would have happened was people have a laugh and get over it. Not sure why you have decided he is a creep when im sure other 15 year olds are saying much worse and not writing it down. What did he say and what are the pictures of.

Of course someone storing their private thoughts on their personal device can be allowed. The alternative doesn’t bear thinking about.

It's difficult to judge the poor lad really. I think his 'friend' who leaked the kids private ipad folder is the biggest creep.
Girls have always written in diaries about their crushes; probably the biggest difference between a girl's fantasies and a boy's, is the girls are probably more romantic, the boys more basic. If some of the girls he is writing about are 12 years old, I would actually find that a bit worrying.

Is this not the same as keeping a diary?
If no wrong doing has been found.
'Creepy boy' as hes been labeled has had his privacy invaded and shared

@Savethegirls Its not just interaction between with girls its also noting down which girl was in the neighbourhood and how it made him feel.

I can't believe a teenage boy would get butterflies and lovey-dovey feelings when he sees a girl that he likes. What an absolute psychopath.

I wouldn't be concerned though. Usually by adulthood, men have learned to suppress their feelings and thankfully, most of the time, they don't embarass themselves by talking about how women make them feel.

bit odd but lots of things kids do are odd. I used to rate boys, who I fancied, and what I’d done with them in my diary. Which isn’t much different to a private iPad. Should I have been ostracised. Poor kid

I'm pretty sure the boys at our school had something similar. I don't think it's particularly concerning?

I presume there’s more to this ?

offtodreamland
This reminds me of a strange boy I went to school with back in the 90s. All I remember for certain is that he kept a handwritten ranking of who he considered to be the 'hottest' girls in the school. Some of the other boys knew about it and egged him on. 🙄 He was an odd guy, though as far as I know he's never done anything illegal. He was just a bit off and rather creepy (imo).

Did he later create Facemash and then move on to start Facebook?

I get journaling habit and writing diary, there is a chronological process.
having folders with each girls name, collection of pics from school media, activities and clicks when no one is watching. Attached with notes.
that is a red flag!!

School asking all kids to delete the screenshots then saying No evidence.

His parents calling girls parents saying its just fantasy and your child shouldn’t stop talking to him else he will report to school about being ostracised.

deputy pulling up my child saying he has reported you being mean to him and you can’t ostracised him.

I stand by my child, how she feels and her rights to block those who make her uncomfortable.
Maybe we need to move schools !!!!

I feel so badly for the boy. I can’t imagine if my private conversations and diary had been leaked to the entire school. I’m feeling a bit sick just thinking about it.

He didn’t do anything, he just wrote about it. He didn’t take photos or hide in a locker room or anything. The parents must know their children are online and pics online are available for whoever. This all sounds like a dramatic gossip nightmare and hopefully this boy will be supported in moving schools.

And this is how witchhunts are started...

A teen boy has photos of girls from school and has written down notes about how he feels about them.

The school have investigated (they will have taken it seriously) and found no wrongdoing. Most likely akin to writing in a diary.

When I was that age, my best friend and I often snuck photos of boys we fancied and wrote notes about them. The difference is, it didn't spread over social media and we cringe about it now.

If you are worried about something more untoward then call the police but, if not, then you're just starting a witchhunt against a teenage boy who has expressed his personal feelings in something that presumably was just for 'him' in a journal type way and is now having it blasted over social media and Mumsnet.

There is a difference between drawing lovehearts around a boy's initials in your notepad and systematically tracking down and creating images of multiple girls and storing them in labelled folders with notes on their movements.

Which is what I am understanding?

So for example, a folder called Emily with pictures of Emily cropped from socials/ sch website, photos he had taken of Emily, and notes about where he had seen her or interactions with her.

X 10 for 10 girls

If that is right? It sounds bordering on stalkerishness.

Illegal no but creepy yes and girls should not be forced to override their instincts.

I’m shocked that the school is brushing this incident under the carpet and asking girls to not believe the “rumours “ .

The school threatened all kids with suspension for circulating the screenshots and now say there is no evidence of any wrongdoing.

I completely agree with the school’s stance about suspending kids who circulate screenshots.

That is not ok and really not fair to the girls.

I also understand why the school is trying to stamp out the rumours.
They obviously investigated it and do not need the kids taking things into their own hands.
If the police were contacted then this could have serious repercussions.

The persons behaviour is creepy.
Is it a student or staff member?

I'm confused. A teenage boy kept a diary, in modern format, with publicly available pictures and notes about talking to girls he likes. He talks about how he feels about them. How is this different from

Dear Diary, I have such a crush on Tom, he looked at me in English today and butterflies exploded in my tummy.

Is it different? Apart from he was unlucky enough to be caught?

Edited for typo

Ah I dunno, I find the presentation of the alleged issue distracting. Essentially you're complaining about a school, and also, essentially you are unable to string a coherent written sentence together.
So I'm thinking your dissatisfaction is misdirected, maybe that's just me.

Girls as young as 12 though..am I the only one uncomfortable with this from a 15 year old?

SnappyUmberLion.

The alternative would be for the school to instruct children on data protection, on never saving personal info on a device taken into school, and on the proper use of digital devices. Just like in the world of work.

No, I mentioned that previously. But it does depend entirely on what the lad actually wrote.

I don't think the girls should be forced to interact with this boy other than when necessary. It's a long time since I was 15, but I do know there were some lads in my class I preferred not to interact with....surely that's everyones right.

What would be the point of carrying a mobile phone around if it had to be devoid of all personal information? In what way is compiling a list of something of interest, in this case, publicly available photographs of girls that this boy likes, not a "proper" use of his own digital device?