School not taking note of creepy behaviour

[Savethegirls]

Posting here for traffic and name changed for this question.

At my child’s secondary school, one of boys (15yrs)leaked his friend’s ipad contents. Screenshots of ipad had folders for several girls as young as 12. Its had pictures and text about how his interaction with these girls.

School suspended the boy who found it and circulated the screenshots, saying privacy violations. And all kids had to delete every evidence gathered. Parent of the creepy boy keep telling everyone its his habit to write notes and some of it was just “fantasy “.

Now obviously backlash no one is talking to the boy but the deputy Headmaster is now singled out girls and asking them to not believe these stories and they need to talk to him.

the creepy boy is in Drama tech crew and probably has a stash of pics from last few yrs.

the girls have seen the evidence and not ready to trust the school.

YABU - overthinking this
YANBU- call the Headmaster over this

parents and kids are feeling there might be repercussions at school if they complain. Any advice on how to handle this?

Anyone on here ever read 'The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole'? Imagine if Barry Kent had stolen and photocopied Adrian's diary and told the whole school that Adrian fancies Pandora, but for some reason all the parents had wanted Pop-eye Scruton the headmaster to punish Adrian instead. That seems to be what's going on here.

No, he may not have done anything illegal as such, but collecting, organising, classifying and annotating folders of girls' photos suggests a fixation and he is objectifying these girls. Cyberstalking can include using digital means to collect personal information and monitor someone.

The girls are certainly not wrong for wanting to avoid him after discovering it. Equally, I don't think it was right for his private files to be shared around. The person who discovered this boy's secret, should have informed a teacher and his parents so the teenage boy can be educated about why this behaviour is inappropriate.

What I find most troubling is the expectation that the girls should simply overlook it. It's understandable that the girls would find that unsettling and keep their distance. Why would a 12 year old girl be expected to interact with a 15 year old boy at school? He should not be the school photographer. He's abused that trust. I didn't think, from a safeguarding point a student should be allowed to take photos for minors, it's a safeguarding gap. That needs to be addressed urgently. The boy needs to be supported and educated. His parents must not minimise the behaviour of their ds and the girls need support to assert themselves.

It was right to punish the person who shared the images.

I'd be interested to know what the reaction would be if he fed these pictures into AI and generated new images, not x-rated ones just new images like design his perfect girls and shit like that. Pease people teach your teens, boys and girls not to objectify and use others for their own gratification.

At the very least not to be forced to talk to a boy she now feels uncomfortable around?

It happened because the files, photos, notes and fantasies exist. OP’s daughter is involved because she was one of the girls . She didn’t insert herself into anything.

i didn’t see it mentioned that her daughter was one of the girls, just that she is friends with some of the girls involved. Surely she should be happy she wasn’t one of the ones he fancied ?

Where did it say they have to talk to him? I just saw they complained about his presence in an external activity and then left it to avoid being around him. So they spread the gossip and don’t do the activity anymore anyway? Of course children should feel safe - in and out of school - but they didn’t have to bring all this to another place to try to ruin his entire life.

I still think the boy is a victim here and the actual villain is the bully who shared everything. Having your online files stolen from you to share with an entire school is a massive issue and I’m surprised that boy is still a student.

My daughter was attacked by a group of teenage boys at school. They surrounded her and pushed her around and yelled bigoted things in her face (we are Jewish). The police had to get involved. The boys are still there, my daughter is still there, and she’s had multiple classes with one of them - even sitting next to him for an entire year. That’s actual harm by those actual boys. Writing some fantasies in your private device could have been a much smaller issue if everyone hadn’t decided to keep taking it farther.

I think the obvious resolution here is to review their policy on photos in school if the actual issue is this boy has a school issued camera and more access than other people to take photos. Maybe that’s something to change if it’s creating this sort of problem.

I feel sorry for the boy but I also think the girls should not be told to interract with him.

but they didn’t have to bring all this to another place to try to ruin his entire life. He ruined the activity for them because he tracks the girls online and keeps records on them on his computer, classifying and tracking them. The girls understandably feel weirded out and don't want to be around him more than absolutely necessary.
Maybe that’s something to change if it’s creating this sort of problem. Not maybe but with immediate effect.

The minimising on this thread is something else.

Now obviously backlash no one is talking to the boy but the deputy Headmaster is now singled out girls and asking them to not believe these stories and they need to talk to him.

So the girls are told to talk to him. You can't order people to talk to people they don't like. If my dc was the object of this boy's 'fantasy' I'd insist he does not sit next to them in any lessons.

His parents calling girls parents saying it's just fantasy and your child shouldn’t stop talking to him else he will report to school about being ostracised. If he was tracking my dd and his parents called me to force my dc to talk to this boy they would be very clearly told that no this is not going to happen and any further attempts at trying to talk to us so we coerce our dc to do something against her best interest, I'd have to consider as potential harassment.

deputy pulling up my child saying he has reported you being mean to him and you can’t ostracised him.
I would consider this completely unreasonable and start a complaint procedure.

I stand by my child, how she feels and her rights to block those who make her uncomfortable. Anyone can block anyone they want, it's not illegal.

The Child is in tech crew and has pro camera which is allowed to carry around at school events. Also has access to school media folders
This is completely unacceptable and a conflict of interest. His access to school photo folders must be removed immediately and he shouldn't be the designated photographer.

Deputy has suspended a few boys for sharing the images
This is normal and expected procedure.

some of parents left a common activity (external to school) after which he complained to school saying Girls are excluded him.
He needs to take a huge step back. His ability to empathise with these girls is zero he needs to get that what he did is upsetting and creepy. It's not illegal but people will naturally feel appalled and worried about his behaviour. He needs to understand that his behaviour makes people uncomfortable, he is objectifying these girls, classifying and organising them as if they are things not humans. Th fact that he keeps track of where they are adds a concerning additional layer, it's not just online. Next likely phase: stalking.

He is complaining about the completely normal and healthy reaction from his peers and his running to the school and telling on the girls for not interacting with him is actually borderline harassment and bullying. His parents enable him (poor darling boy, it's not his fault, mean girls don't like to be watched and treated as objected of his male gaze). With poor and feeble parenting like that, that boys stands NO chance to grow out of his 'quirks' if that's all that it is and I pity the girls around him.

You should organise yourself with the parents of the other girls and go in together. He needs to lose access to school photo folders and they need to revisit what they post on the schools' social media. They can't prevent him from tracking the girls if his not approaching them but the can and must stop telling the girls they have to interact with him. They really need to be separated so if he can be moved in the school to limit any contact with the girls in question that would be good. The school are NOT handling this well. He and teh girls need mental health support and guidance how to deal with this. The girls and the boy will not benefit from this enabling Be Kind approach. It is not kind to the girls anyways.

There might be charities to help with this.

Funny how you made up your own narrative and completely ignored what OP wrote.

The girls quit the activity, they didn’t ask him to leave . HIS parents complained about the girls quitting!!! They’re not obliged to attend an extra curricular activity, nevermind with him.

The deputy told the girls they have to talk to him. The boy’s parents rang the girls parents asking them to talk to him. The boy’s parents minimised his actions with “just fantasies”.

What kind of message does that send? To any of the kids involved?

How did the girls get on with him before his stuff was shared?

When I was about this boy's age I got my first p/t job in a supermarket, and almost immediately developed a debilitating crush on the store HR manager who'd hired me. On the wall outside the staff room there was a big noticeboard with rotas, H&S stuff, and photos of the store managemnt, and you can probably guess where this is going. One day after school I went into the shop on the pretext of checking my rota, made sure the coast was clear, and swiped the HR managers photo. I ran up the road to a newsagents that had a colour copier, photocopied it, went back to the shop and stuck the original back on the board with noone any the wiser. With 30-odd years worth of hindsight I obviously can identify that as weird and inappropriate, but I was a teenager: full of hormones and with only teenage levels of emotional maturity and common sense, just like this lad. Also, my behaviour was weird, but that didn't make me weird. That's an important distinction that I think has been lost by a lot of people on this thread. The boy is 15 and right now he's dying of embarrassment. In 10 years time he's far more likely to be a regular, productive member of society than some kind of sex weirdo, just like I turned out to be.

This is not that weird. The weirdness is that he is compiling dossiers on 15 girls aged 12-15, systematically tracking their activities on social media, saving images in designated folders and annotating his files with his 'fantasies'. He's also' keeping track where they actually are, eg in his neighbourhood, and how that makes him feel. Now, had this all remained hidden, no one would be any the wiser, although many girls do have a 6th sense and his oddness will be coming across in real life.

The worst part of this is that he and his parents are trying to coerce the girls, who feel understandably violated, into interacting with him and bullying them by vexatiously reporting them to the school. His parents enable that boy and he will not learn anything from this.

If your manager had seen what you did, it may not have gone down that well but your secret was safe. But there is a difference between copying one single photo and running a whole archive on school girls, which is more obsessive and controlling. Clearly his parents are the controlling types too seeing that they are unable to empathise with the girls and their families. It takes some brass neck for them to call the parents of the girls.

sorry you'll have to use real english to reply to me - I'm not a teenager so I don't read pretend words