School not taking note of creepy behaviour

[Savethegirls]

Posting here for traffic and name changed for this question.

At my child’s secondary school, one of boys (15yrs)leaked his friend’s ipad contents. Screenshots of ipad had folders for several girls as young as 12. Its had pictures and text about how his interaction with these girls.

School suspended the boy who found it and circulated the screenshots, saying privacy violations. And all kids had to delete every evidence gathered. Parent of the creepy boy keep telling everyone its his habit to write notes and some of it was just “fantasy “.

Now obviously backlash no one is talking to the boy but the deputy Headmaster is now singled out girls and asking them to not believe these stories and they need to talk to him.

the creepy boy is in Drama tech crew and probably has a stash of pics from last few yrs.

the girls have seen the evidence and not ready to trust the school.

YABU - overthinking this
YANBU- call the Headmaster over this

parents and kids are feeling there might be repercussions at school if they complain. Any advice on how to handle this?

Totally agree, I can understand the school saying you can't be rude to him or ignore him in a way that's bullying, like freezing him out of a big discussion but also loads of kids aren't friends /don't speak surely. It sounds like they're being told if they don't engage with him one on one or reciprocate a friendship with him they'll be told off.

Thank you. This is why kids have labelled the kid. If this goes unchecked where does it go?

Yeah. I remain very unconvinced that a school told everyone to delete all screenshots on threat of suspension and then claimed it didn’t happen as there’s no evidence. And then threatened girls who had seen the screenshots to be friends with the kid.

Unless the whole school leadership board and teachers are in on this ‘conspiracy’ it sounds more like you’ve fallen foul of made up gossip.

i mean the school have said they were just rumours. They clearly were. And now your daughter is perpetuating them.

OP the answer is, no one knows.

Possibly - likely - it is a clumsy teen diary. Just a bit more OTT than most. And the boy learns not to go taking pictures of girls without consent, which it sounds like he is. He's embarassed, learns it's not appropriate, stops.

Having your teen crush outed has happened since forever.

But, I think most women have been on the end of stalkery behaviour. A man who just happens to turn up wherever you do, has your movements tracked. This could be that kind of behaviour too.

No I don't think most teens have 10 folders of images of their classmates, honestly.

*embarrassed

What is the point in the kids keep sharing the pictures?

It’s coming across as a witch hunt.

The school are aware of his behaviour.
It’s likely things are happening behind the scenes that you obviously wouldn’t be told about.

If you’re unhappy with his punishment then by all means speak to the head.

But you need to discourage your kids from sharing the photos, as at this point their behaviour is just as bad as his.

This ...sounds rabid ...his privacy was invaded in the worse way and now he is being bullied.
This would make year books creepy too..they have very similar contents as described by OP

Where do you think it should go?

No-one is sharing these photos. Op says ALL the kids deleted them on threat of suspension and now the school are pretending they never existed. Obviously.

(hint: they never existed)

Agree with this, having named folders of girls montages does sound unhealthy to me. If it was one girl who was the object of his affections I think it would be a bit more understandable. This seems like documenting pictures and interactions in a way which feels quite sinister. Most 15yr olds also know that 12 yr olds are considered to be kids.

You don’t know the full story. The school will have followed safeguarding procedures and you will have no idea what has happened due to confidentiality. Basically, keep your nose out.

The school are not sending the right message. No girls should we told to be friendly to anyone who makes them uncomfortable.

Are you seriously incapable of understanding a non-native speaker’s ability to express their feelings?

The school are asking girls (and boys presumably) not to bully the boy because of false rumours they’ve heard. The op says there is no evidence this happened. And claims it’s because the school made everyone delete the evidence. Uhuh.

it’s like the male equivalent of a witch hunt. A wizard hunt?

This! Trust your spidey senses - I stay clear of plenty of men that give me the creeps...my subconscious serves me well.

I think the school wants to squash this because they have reputation as a disciplined school with great academic results. Or all this is just noise they don’t want a distraction for whatever they are busy with.

I don’t think this sounds concerning at all based on what you’ve included.
Even you specifying “some as young as 12” means you’re trying to suggest something with this. A 3 year difference with trying to date someone or fancy someone doesn’t make a teenager a pedo, which you seem to be suggesting.
Whats the difference between this and a diary?
In school we would pass notes about boys all the time, who we fancied, rating them etc. is this not just basically a modern version?

Honestly this feels wrong because it feels aberrant, to take notes is obsessive and it is stalkerish, thats different from fantasy, he’s documenting them. I know people are saying he’s a child but he’s 15, this is probably part and parcel of how his sexual behaviour is going to develop. I would be extremely concerned if my daughter was one of the girls he was documenting. I’m worried that people here are minimising what must feel extremely violating for the girls involved.

No the OP says the girls have been singled out

I think that the kids sound as if they’ve gone on a witch hunt and the school is right to want to try and stop that for the sake of this child.

The last thing parents should be doing is joining in with the witch hunt.

The child needs some support and counselling to talk through what he did in saving the screenshots and why the girls are disturbed by this, why it’s a breach of their privacy.

I think the school sounds pretty sensible in this case. The ostracism is punishment enough- what do you want, the child to be expelled? To be put in the stocks? To be chased away with pitch forks? To be placed on a sex offenders register?

Uhuh. You do understand this didn’t happen don’t you op? Now you’ve had it explained.

Or are you still of the mind that there’s a huge conspiracy theory going on involving all teachers and SLT. And your child is a one-girl crusader exposing the truth. Which has been erased…

Seriously, if I had so little faith in a school, I would want to pull my child out.
Are other parents concerned? Do you know the boys parents? Could you speak to them to get a clearer picture of exactly what was said and done?

Whatever. It STILL DIDNT FUCKING HAPPEN. People can be so dense!

That poor boy, I have a 15 year old boy and if this had happened to him I’d be pulling him out of school. He is 15 with raging hormones and writing about girls he probably fancy’s. were any of the photos inappropriate, were the stories sexual? I can see why it’s weird but to have that going around the school is malicious of the person who started it.

Taking notes, as countless girls do in their diaries, is neither obsessive nor stalkerish.