A man unlocked a changing room door whilst I was inside. Health club

[GymClassZero]

I went to my gym and used the disabled changing and shower room (it also has a toilet). I have mobility issues and need the aids provided here. The room is between the male and female changing rooms and can be accessed from both sides, so both doors need to be locked from inside.

I locked both doors and was getting ready to shower. While I was inside, I heard men talking on the other side of the door. One tried the handle, it was locked. He said to his friend he wanted to use the room. Another man said ‘there might already be someone in there because the door is locked’. The first man then said words to the effect of, ‘Nah, fuck the women, it’s been left locked. I’m going in there’.

Seconds later, I watched the lock unwind as it was being manipulated from the outside. He opened the door while I was inside in my swimwear. He was surprised to see me in there. I shouted at him to get out, got dressed and reported it immediately.

The gym has investigated. They’ve accepted the member accessed the disabled changing room inappropriately but they are not banning him. They say he has been spoken to and warned not to use that facility again.

They’ve also said they are replacing the locks to something more up to date than the current basic lock, and reviewing the signage on the doors.

I’m glad they’re changing the locks, but I’m angry that this is being partly framed around confusion, signage and lock issues

He was warned someone might be inside. The door was locked.

He could have knocked and waited. Instead, he chose to interfere with a locked private changing room door and enter.

I’m left feeling pretty upset and a bit traumatised by the whole incident. I really don’t want to bump into him again in the gym As he’s quite intimidating. I’ve seen him in the gym, he’s quite loud and has a certain vibe about him.

I also found out there have been previous issues with this changing room setup, which makes me even more concerned.

AIBU to expect stronger action from the gym, and to feel that a warning is not enough in these circumstances?

ideally I’d like to see him banned as it was an accident.

(The gym have confirmed he is not disabled and should not be using the disabled facilities).

Indeed. However you have missed out an important part that is relevant here.
"If you think or know they're about to enter the changing room you're in naked then you kinda want them to notice it's occupied."
But the OP did not think he was about to break into the occupied changing room. She certainly didn't know he was.
What she did know is that he was in an aggressive state (from seeing him on the gym floor moments earlier) that he was angry about the room she was in being unavailable (from what he said near the locked door) that he blamed women for this problem and was angry with them (women) for the fact he couldn't use the space he wanted.
Which is why the scenario I suggested as being similar is more relevant than the one you have stated with a really important part missed out.
Perhaps you knew that though. Drama much.

Everyone would be annoyed, because it is annoying. I'd be just as annoyed if a woman barged in my the changing cubicle I am using, and would also complain.

I am not sure there's a need for such an over-reaction, and why you think he should be banned. He shouldn't have opened the door, but he left immediately, he wasn't threatening. He was just that, annoying.

I've already said I've never forced a door! Why do you keep making up weird as hominem attacks rather than just engaging with the content of people's posts? I've already said I have tried doors and had doors tried on me. A few occasions I've had no response and after a few minutes tried the door again and it wasn't actually locked. I've otherwise always called out I was in there / had someone call out and apologised. If definitely assume if the door was still locked and no one answering and I'm then talking with a friend outside the door that it seems locked with no one inside I'd be thinking it's empty / someone passed out in side. In the latter, if I knew how I may try to open door with good intentions or if be reporting for someone else to come and open it. I'd be very surprised if it then opened and someone had been just standing silently inside listening to the commotion.

I'd report online to the police as his behaviour was a threat

I'd have just shouted out "I am in here". So he knew it was actually occupied

I agree. He obviously thought it was empty. He said as much. I've had several times in my life where I've had to shout "somebody in here!" for one reason or another - door lock broken or lacking in some places or just having not locked it properly. It's one's first reaction I'd have thought.

I think their response was appropriate towards him. He didn't do anything, nor was he going to, he's just one of those always right loudmouths, you said yourself he was surprised to see you in there, it wasn't like he was entering with ill intentions.

The lock being easily manipulated like that is the main issue, not this bloke. The gym needs to change that.

I suspect from the gyms perspective you saying he said "fuck the women" and him saying genuinely thought it was locked in error theyre stuck.

They warned him, which id hope they'd keep on file as strike 1 type thing. Theyre upgrading the facility to prevent this happening again.

He sounds like a pig but I can understand why they felt it wasnt a banning offence.

But i am unclear why when he started jiggling the lock you didnt bang on the door and shout "occupied" so he knew before opening it

It's not normal at all to call out when someone has tried the locked door where I am. It compounds the awkwardness if anything.

How bizarre, what about a knock? What do you do if you try a door and no one answers and it's been ages of you waiting? I don't see why it would be awkward, it's a normal human exchange, surely much less awkward then them eventually coming out of the cubicle and you haven't even said a cheery sorry for trying the door.

If the OP had been showering there is a good chance she wouldn't have heard the man attempting to enter and been confronted by him in a horribly vulnerable state. I think this is an awful situation to have happened.

But that's a complete different made up situation of him entering when he would be able to hear someone showering inside. The situation can be more awful in loads of ways if we're just making up different circumstances.

it’s a shame that a locked door isn’t enough to let someone know it was occupied!

I don't want to come over all argumentative, but isn't it a regular occurrence that the door gets left locked by users exiting by the other door? So in this case a locked door isn't enough to know it's occupied.

He should have knocked though, but as he was surprised to see you I doubt he did it on purpose.

If someone was rude enough to knock after discovering the door was locked I'd say occupied but I'd be pretty annoyed. In this case the man neither knocked nor called out to check, he went from trying the lock to unlocking it from the other side. That is in no way acceptable where I am.

This doesn't make sense though, I think we've all had a door open with no warning and you manage to garbel "some in here!!!" Right in the moment whereas OP has had them trying the door, listened to a conversation of the man complaining someone's left it locked and then start jimmying the lock and just...stood there?

My thoughts exactly. First reaction is to shout.

There's 2 ways of viewing this incident.

A terrible injustice has taken place and I have been victimized by an aggressive man. This aggressive man should be banned.

Or

That man was a dick and I really should have spoken up so he didn't walk in on me. Next time I will definitely shout.

One self victimizes and one builds control over your circumstances into your world view.

Unfortunately the world is full of dickheads, always has been always will be.

The accusations of victim blaming are silly as there is literally no victim here. It's a common place life interaction- being walked in on. That's it.

Why would be so offended? I've known people to knock on the ladies where they're really desperate sometimes. I wouldn't rush myself but I don't know why I'd be annoyed at having to say occupied - what if they were worried about you? He didn't just go straight to unlocking it, he had a conversation that OP listened to about assuming it was empty and left locked on one side, he literally narrated he thought it was erroneously locked and was gonna try and get in and op said nothing, bizarre. Where are you from that it's not a normal human interaction to respond instinctively when someone tries your door?

I really agree.

I would also be very pissed off if a woman did this.
Itvwould still be extremely inappropriate.

The OP has a mild injury and was using appropriate facilities.

Disgraceful that people should blame her for not responding quickly enough.🙄

You have my sympathy, OP. If someone tries a door and it's locked, you expect them to go away, not to have to shout at them to stop them trying to break in. My own most recent experience was in a train toilet, door locked, and someone tried to force it open. I initially tried to hold it shut but they kept trying and I did end up shouting at them at which point they stopped. It's very easy to freeze rather than shout out at someone who shouldn't be there.

The OP has already posted i do have a mild brain injury and so my speech is a little delayed. This, along with not being up for a fight, probably contributed to my lack of words.

So I'd guess you're one of the dickheads?

I'm thrilled for you that your processing speed is so great that you can't imagine not shouting in time, but unfortunately, full physical health isn't universal.

This. It will happen all the time that a woman will leave that room while leaving the door to the mens side locked, and vice versa, just like it happens all the time that people leave a tap running.

I can't get my head around standing and watching the lock turn without speaking up, especially after the reportedly overheard conversation.

What sort of training do the staff have to think it was in any way appropriate to tell the op that the man in question wasn't disabled

This. It's outrageous to be honest. Apart from anything else he might very well have good reason to use that room, that they don't know about.

Sorry what's the crime that you think the OP would be reporting? It cant be threatening behaviour because she heard him state his belief that the room was empty, plus he retreated immediately on realising that it wasn't.

Sure if a someone started calling out ' everything OK in there' or something they would answer if they could, but the standard etiquette is that if you try and the door is locked you quietly back away

But in this instance, the door is regularly left locked even when unoccupied due to the set up. So general etiquette doesn't work, or the door would be left locked forever.

I'd assumas in fuck the women who use it, lock both door and then leave this one locked when they exit out the other door.
and op soad it's a simple toilet door lock or similar that you can open with a coin, 50p works best

That’s a freeze reaction.
Not unsurprising when the man in the other side is clearly grumpy, much stronger and intimidating in the first place.
And you, on the other side, have mobility issue/a disability.

The ‘I can’t understand why she didn’t say anything’ also feel close to victime blaming to me,