To not make my son share?

[drearyllama]

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

I think you have problems that go deeper than your inability to understand how wrong this is.

I’m guessing because they looked at all the kids in the pool and saw they had one or 2 toys each, apart from your child so they thought, “oh look, that wee boy has loads, he’ll be able to share”.

Presumably because the other kids were playing with different bits at different times whilst your child took loads (literally more than he was able to hold/play with at one time) took them to the other end of the pool and hogged them for the entire session.

Both of you ABU I’d say, taking two buckets and other toys for an hour is unreasonable when they’re shared toys in a public swimming pool. I think you should have told your DS to let other children have a turn now even if he was still playing.
You need to take your own pool toys if you want exclusive use

This! Playing for something for as long as you like, regardless of the fact someone else is clearly wanting it/waiting, and only letting them have it when you are done (and you are never done) IS NOT SHARING

These were toys from the pool for ALL the children to play with.
Theres no way there was 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float fir every child in the pool!
All the time your dc kept all of those for himself, he stopped another child from using the swimming pool and the toys.

If it had been ONE toy, I could have understood but that was hogging stuff when he couldn’t possibly use all of them at the time.
Like 2 buckets and a watering can played together?
Or the float and the watering can + bucket.

Come on.
This wasn’t an issue with sharing. But an issue with feeling entitied to keep common equipment for yourself. Not good.

Op, for how long do you think it would be reasonable for your son to have his ‘turn’ before sharing the toy, according to your rules?

Forty five mins with a toy sounds a very long time in a space with shared toys/facilities.

School life is likely to be a shock to
the system for him.

Let me guess, if you go to a park and your son was on the swing you’d let him stay on it despite other children waiting?

Because he was hogging more than his fair share of them and not letting others have a turn even after an hour. Fair enough he's three - you are the one at fault not him. You should have stepped in and made him share and I am absolutely baffled that you think your behaviour is ok. You will end up raising an absolute entitled brat if you keep on like this.

Your son had 2 toys and was probably pouring water from one to the other, so he needed two.

The other child arrived with no toys, wtf! Anyway, their behaviour was OOO and should not have tried to take things from your child.

Their adult should have spoken to you. Instead tgat awful behaviour of taking things was demonstrated. She was OOO. That's so rude, no wonder their child has issues.

I would suggest you bring one toy next time and use one of theirs. Sharpie your sons initials on your so it doesn't get mixed up with theirs. Then you would be in your rights to point out he has one toy for the whole session, the other is yours. They need to get toys for their kids. AHs.

YABU. He didn’t need two buckets AND a watering can AND a few small toys AND a float. Some of them must have just been bobbing about it the water not being played with anyway, unless you’re going to drip feed that he’s actually an octopus.

When he chose his toys you should have at the very least taken the second bucket off him, it would have been a good lesson in not being so greedy.

Can I ask how you would feel if it was the other child who wouldn’t share with your child?

At nursery when we know other children are waiting to play with something we would set a time limit and say you have another 10 minutes then it’s time to swap.

So what would you have done if your child had no toys because another child was playing with two and hoarding the rest?

Would you have said 'oh they were here first darling, just wait patiently for an hour till they are done and you can have a turn'. I am not so sure....

I disagree it's bad form no child should monopolise toys for an hour in a shared environment and you refused to share when asked politely. It's your appalling parenting that meant other parents over ruled you and quite rightly

And the prize for not reading the thread and making up complete shit goes to……. @Booboobagins

'We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected.'

That's not sharing. When you're finished with something you're not sharing by letting someone else play with it, as you're no longer playing with it either way.

You rushed to respond and didn’t read my entire post.

2 words
Entitled Karen

Did you miss the bit where he in fact had way more than 2 toys...?

You took several shared toys and kept them. The whole purpose of this is sharing and socialising. You missed the point. Next time take your own toys and just use them.

So you cherry picked the toys, then to ensure he wouldn't be required to share, you took him away from all the children who might want a turn??? Wow, entitled much?

My kids are expected to share all toys. If they have toys that are extra special to them we dont bring them out. At soft play/park etc where we do not own the toys or equipment you have your turn and you give to the next child. If my child had of been playing for something for 45 mins before another showed interest that is fine but the minute another child shows interest it shall be passed to them to play with. I think you are being unreasonable.

I did read your entire post. I just responded to the bit where you claimed "adults don't share things they're not done with" which is clearly just nonsense.

he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float,

🙄

No you didn’t read my post properly - we don’t go over to people and insist they share their chairs, or demand they hand over the iPad charger.

We offer it though, because we’re nice.

Read the full comment - do we have to? No. Should we because we’re kind and respectful…yes?