To not make my son share?

[drearyllama]

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

Op won’t be back unless it’s a dramatic reverse

So we use this strategy. At home/ other people's houses etc, their turn can last usually as long as they want. Except when it's a public setting and there are a few toys for a number of children. Then we talk about how they're for 'everyone' and our turns have to be shorted. Depends how many toys there were, I guess.

You and your son were hogging a lot of toys.
Unless you are absolutely sure that every child had more or less the same amount of toys as you did, I think you are being incredibly unreasonable.

@drearyllama I find it frankly worrying that you don't see the problem. You are coming across as incredibly entitled and I fear not a great role model for your child when it comes to sharing.
Going to group sessions with young DC is all about socialisation. Learning how to play well and share with his peers.

Hmmm, strong is the entitlement with this Mother says Yoda....

That's absolutely not what you wrote and that's not how anyone else interpreted it either.

And I absolutely would have a go at another adult and tell them they needed to share if they were hogging everything.

😂 I can’t

It’s a bit naughty to effectively reserve the toys and not let anyone else play with them because your DS wants to play with other toys if you see what I mean

“I'm genuinely interested to know what others think. Would you have said something, or would you have left it?”

Should you have said something? Yes you should have said “So sorry I didn’t realise that some of the children didn’t have any toys to play with….. son you’ve had a lovely long turn with all these toys but can you see these children here don’t have anything to play with - can you choose 3/4 of your toys to give to the other children please. It’s not fair if you have seven and they have none.”

You’re creating a monster and in 3 years time you’ll be back here asking what went wrong and why he’s struggling socially at school.

Having a turn before sharing item - reasonable.
Having a turn that lasts an hour or more - not reasonable.
Having a turn which includes reserving toys you're not actively playing with in case you fancy doing so, when there are barely enough to go round - not reasonable.

It’s not clearly nonsense.

So if you’re charging your phone and someone asks to borrow your charger - any kind adult would offer it over. They don’t demand it. If you’re not done because you’ve got 2% battery, you’re not done. It’s ridiculous to say you share everything! You don’t.

If it was your child in the pool, and he was happily playing with his own toys for an hour and a kid comes grabbing at it, would you use that as one of your sharing moments? if he’s watching his iPad while your changing in the changing room, and a kid comes demanding it, would you insist he gives up his iPad? No you wouldn’t. Don’t say it’s nonsense.

you definitely didn’t read my post properly because I said while sharing isn’t a right, it’s the morally correct thing to do especially in this situation and she should have encouraged her child to play with something else as it was not his property.

Your child had all the toys, that's why. Maybe the other children took what they could play with and shared the rest.
Sorry, I'm pretty sure that had a member of staff been made aware, your child would have been expected to share.
Bring your own toys if you aren't prepared to share. It's not a good lesson for him when he starts school. He will be expected to share with others and he will find it really tricky if this has not been modelled to him.
I'm a teacher and regularly have to sort these things out between children, take what you can play with one thing at a time. Clearing off to the other side of the pool with all the resources so that other children go without is unreasonable and very entitled. Sorry, you were in the wrong.

Maybe we’ll get posts from the Op
when their DC starts school detailing the injustices of having to share in the true meaning of the word.

I think the OP was wrong on this occasion but saying she’s creating a monster is unpleasant and patently wrong. Most kids do share fine in preschool / school. My own DD is nearly three and not great at sharing when she’s with me but fine at preschool.

Wind em up and watch em froth
nice work op
fair play

You don't need to immediately share the toy you have, however if you have more than one toy and another child has no toys, you should share your toys immediately.

But these weren't HIS items, they were the pool's.

Being asked to share your phone - an expensive item that belongs solely to you that has a lot of important and sensitive information on it is completely different to sharing a toy that is provided by a third party literally to be shared, with your admittance based on that central precept.

If he had two of the same thing (bucket) and another child had none, it's obvious he should give one to the other child. Plus he'd had a large number of toys to himself for 45 minutes. Of course he's too young to know differently, but OP as his mum should have stepped in and evened things out.

How unpleasant of you - remember children learn from example.

Because he had way too many toys that needed to serve all the children at the session, and he held on to all of them for almost an hour!

YABVU.

I still stand by exactly what I said - did he have to give it up? No. Should he have? Yes.

If it was yours then not don’t expect him to share. If it belongs to the pool then yes unreasonable to take that much stuff. If you don’t want him to have to share either only borrow one communal toy or bring your own.

Go and find the quote then. It’s not edited. I absolutely did say that and if you can’t comprehend well, then I’m sorry for you.

So one kid have 7+ toys for an hour.
One kid has none.

Ffs.

You really aren’t teaching him how to share.