To not make my son share?

[drearyllama]

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

Is this a reverse? Sharing after 10-15 minutes is a good thing to introduce. He can’t possibly have been actively playing with it all at once.

Wow. That’s embarrassing behaviour. From you. You’re teaching your child to be selfish and inconsiderate. Well done you!

I would not have let my daughter take more than she can hold.

It was a shared pool with only a certain amount of toys. You and your child need to learn to share them.

Your child had 4 large communal items (two a duplicate) and a few smaller items.

Can you really not see the issue of having that many items that are communal? What if another child would have liked a toy but didn’t have any as your child had 6 items?

Even if another child only had one item it would be polite to share some of the 6 your child had

If this is a genuine post,i think it depends on wether there were other similar toys available for other children to play with.
If toys were limited i think it reasonable to share,especially after 45-60 mins of one child playing with the toys .
Your child had 2 buckets and had played with them for an hour why wouldn't you suggest he share and give the other child an opportunity to play with a bucket?
Honestly your child would gain more from learning to share in the scenario you describe.

If you didn't look around to see whether there were any toys left for later arrivals I very much doubt you saw if this other family also approached other toy hoggers! I expect they asked your DS because he had so many items. Maybe they had watched for half an hour and seen how long he had them? I think they should have asked you rather than taken from your child but it was probably obvious you had no intention of intervening.

Pool toys should be shared - one kid shouldn’t have multiple if others have none.

He’d had an hour of playing with them totally to himself which is good going!

I’m all for not feeling obliged for your child to share something they’ve only just got or that is theirs, if he had one thing then I wouldn’t have made him give it away, but multiple communal pool toys he’s had for an hour are a different kettle of fish.

Yes. If we take "a few" to mean at least three, then he had at least seven toys to himself. Possibly more like ten. You shouldn't have let him take so many, OP.

You are being so unreasonable I hope this a reverse. Your child held on to loads of shared toys for an hour that’s terrible. If I were another parent I would definitely have taken one if you persisted in not sharing. Maybe buy some toys and take your own next time if you want to hog them.

Your son has taken more than he should and then hogged them for an hour. 2 buckets, a watering can, a float plus other small toys so what another 3?4? Toys.

He didn’t need all that and he didn’t need it for the long.

It’s seems it’s meant to be a shared play not a hoarding event.

I don't understand how it's sharing if your child only shares when they have 'actively finished playing' with something. It's like saying: "Oh, let me share my chips with you. I don't want them anyway!". You're teaching him that if he doesn't want something then it's OK to 'share' it - rather than being willing to give up something you DO want as it's fair for someone else to have a turn.

And this is exactly the kind of scenario where sharing is fair and it’s a good teachable moment. He’s had plenty of time with the toys, someone has arrived who doesn’t have any, and he can share something he has already used for a long time so that they have something as well as him. It’s pretty much a textbook lesson in sharing that isn’t unfair to either party.

OP, do you genuinely think that your child would have 'finished his turn'?

I think it's pretty clear he was going to play with them until he got out. And you spent a very long time in the pool, so long that it was too long for other children to wait for it to finally be their turn.

You've been very unreasonable. If they were his own toys from home, then fine, but you took more than your share of a shared resource.

And the rest! He had 2 buckets, a watering can, a float, and "a few" smaller toys. That's at least seven, minimum.

Those things didn’t belong to your family so you had no right to hog that much stuff for that long.

Personally I think hogging all those toys for so long and saying “no thank you, I’m playing” is really rude. Obvious your DS is far too young to know this, but it’s up to you to guide him.

You embarrassed yourself. Your son obviously should have shared when he'd taken so many of the toys and had already had a lengthy play with them.

Why is he saying 'No thank you' to kids asking him to share? Where's he learned that odd response from? It's not polite, it sounds haughty. 'No thank you, you cannot use my communal bucket. Good day to you, sir!'

Exactly this. Do you honestly think he was going to stop playing with them if he’d already been using them for 45mins?

Would you let him stay on the swing at the park even loads on other kids were waiting to have a go?

You can’t remove toys from the main area and keep them all to yourself and then complain because someone else wants to play with them.

What is somebody had taken all of the toys for themselves and your child had none. Would that have been fine by you because the child was playing with them?

Yep, repeatedly saying “no, thank you, I’m playing” will go down well 🤣🤣

Sorry but you sound really self centred and obnoxious . Letting your child hog a pile of toys for an hour and getting indignant when a child tries to take his second bucket . And you are acting like you think you are teaching your kid an important lesson ? I suspect this is a troll post . I don’t believe a real person could be this immature and lacking in self awareness

I think you need to get your own toys and not go to these sessions. That sounds ridiculous and I wonder if it’s a reverse because are people really so self centred and bringing up their kids to be self-centred?