To not make my son share?

[drearyllama]

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

You allowed your child to hog far too many toys. He didn't have to hand over the watering can as he was actively playing with it, but you should have made him share some of the other things. Keeping six or seven different things to himself is ridiculous. He is going to grow up being disliked if you are not very careful.

They weren't your toys, they were shared toys. You should have shared.

How can you possibly think it's ok you your dc to have a big pile of toys while another dc had none?

You took too many toys and then went away and hogged them. Next time just bring your own and go to the pool whenever suits you.
If it is an organised group ( which it sounds like) then I would have swum up and picked up the toys not being used at the time and taken them to my DC, saying brightly " I see you are finished with these, thanks".

I would agree with you if you son had taken, say, one bucket and one watering can. But that is a ridiculous amount of toys to take! Of course he shouldn't have hoarded so many things and refused to let the other children have any toys for over and hour! There clearly wasnt anything for the other children to play with. Really bad manners and a bad lesson for your child.

And i would guess the reason they asked your son to share was because he was the child hoarding a pile of toys while everyone else had a reasonable amount (one or two) each!

You know you were being a bit of a tw@t. It wasn’t even your own stuff - and you had loads of it. Teach sharing and kindness.

Of course he can't hog 5 toys and a float for 45 minutes! I would have and have done the same as the other parent and just took them.

This thread has got to be a wind-up, surely? If not, then yabvvu!

His response also doesn’t fit what was being asked and you could point that out next time - they weren’t asking if you’re happy playing, they were asking if they could also play with one of the buckets. Shall we give him one and then you can both play? You never know, he might enjoy spreading joy and sharing - plenty of people do!

Honestly you sound incredibly entitled in your own description of events. The toys were supplied for all children at the session - why should your child get to play with 6 or more toys the entire session and other children have none. If I had been running the session I'd have asked you to limit to 2 maybe 3 toys at a time, the kind of behaviour I'd expect most adults to model as an example to their children.

He’s not going to be able to do that when he starts school. Sharing is encouraged. You’re doing him no favours.

Oh, I don’t know!! I was at a scouting family day at the weekend and heard a mother say to her child (probably beaver age, so old enough to know better!) to not bother queuing behind all the other kids for his food and to ‘just push in at the front, you won’t get spotted’.

I wouldn’t let my toddler act like that, let alone encourage it.

It’s astounding the low values people pass on to their kids!
Teaching your child doesn’t have to consider into else or obey the rules means they are brought up entitled and pass that on, as we’ve read about here!

Awfully self centred mother, raising a hideously entitled little child!

Anyone with any decency would be so embarrassed by this incident, they would have gone home mortified, not posted the story!😂🫣

The fact this was posted at all says it all!

It is necessary to teach your child properly as a parent, selfishness should mean removal from the pool.
Please don’t return to this session. The other children and their parents don’t need the stress of your little child acting like a nightmare….and you encouraging such poor behaviour. You really let your self down acting so selfishly.

(as an aside, ‘no thank you’ is an utterly inappropriate response to a child who is asking to share, and he’s learnt that abnormal response FROM THE MOTHER!!!!!)

I think in a shared play environment each child should take one toy, play with it and then swap over. No idea why you thought it was ok to take a large bundle of toys then hog them for an hour and refuse anyone else a turn. Not only that you didn't even offer them when other people clearly wanted to play too.
Very rude of you tbh.

I don't think you understand what sharing means, OP.

Hint: It doesn't means everyone has to wait until I'm finished with it.

You posted this on Facebook and got the same response. It's probably time to accept you're in the wrong.

He took multiple toys and refused to allow other children to use them. They weren't his toys. YABVU.

Because he'd been hogging a large number of toys for 45 minutes. I have no idea why you weren't extremely embarrassed when the other parent was forced to talk to your child about his second bucket.

Great ragebait. Two posts then buggers off 🤔

i think you are teaching your child to be precious and entitled.

He sounds like he had a lot of the shared toys, and for a long time too. You said yourself that he should share when his turn is up but isn’t one hour a long turn?
gently, I think you were at fault here

This has got to be a wind up.

You took your son to a different end of the pool with a load of toys that are supposed to be shared because he likes independent play?

Bring your own toys if you want him to play by himself and not share the shared toys.

Or, try teach him social skills and how not to be greedy.

You sound an entitled inconsiderate selfish idiot and your son with his no thank you I would be saying what an absolute brat he will be disliked have no friends get bullied and that all stems from YOU not teaching him and encouraging this pathetic behaviour

our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected.

So what happens if there are two children, just one exciting toy, and the child who gets to it first is still playing with it an hour later, while the other child still has nothing?
Would you still think it was reasonable for the child with no toy to be told "Hard luck but no, it’s still Damian's turn"?

I think your understanding of the meaning of the words "share" and "turn" is different from most other people's. Surely the value of sharing and turn-taking is that a child learns that other people have wishes too, and it’s good to make someone else happy by giving them too the opportunity to play with the item and have a turn getting pleasure from it even if you would really like to keep on playing with it exclusively yourself.

It’s the same principle as giving someone else some of your chocolate even though you would really like to eat it all yourself. There’s no moral value in only giving others things you don’t want any more yourself.

Were you just dying for a chance to boast about your tiresome child whilst simultaneously putting another child down. Good for you!

if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected

🤣 so even if they had their "turn" for a whole hour, he still doesnt have to give his toys according to you, that's not sharing.

I can't believe you taught such a young child to be so entitled."No thank you, I'm playing" for a bloody hour. Entitled mum, entitled kid.

Your post made me think of this 😂😂 although the 'no thank you' in this context makes more sense.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/ScNhVC1kaf0