To not make my son share?

[drearyllama]

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

Wow. Your children have zero chance of becoming good humans with you steering them. Basically you arrived early, segregated yourselves with a large number of toys for more than an hour.

What a selfish human you are. Take your own toys next time, one child does not need that number of toys. The centre should have intervened.

"We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected."
The element missing from this rule is that their turn needs to be a reasonable length. Its like at the play park, if other children are showing interest in using the swings but can't get on because your child has been on them for a long time, it's time for your child to get off the swing- even if they would've stayed on longer if no other children were around.

Whilst I don't think children should be made to give up a toy immediately just because another child wants it, they do have to limit the length of their turn. By not doing that, you're just as bad as the parent who expects immediate surrender. You let your DS hog multiple toys for an unreasonable length of time so people called you out on it.

It makes me wonder what is the point of going. It plainly doesn’t include socialisation.

2 words
Rude misogynist

If there were no other toys available he should have shared. He also shouldn't have taken more than one bucket in the first place. I work with older children - young adults really - and I've notice that at things like buffets, many of them, the boys particularly, have no awareness of the needs of anyone but themselves; they will help themselves to half the sandwiches without thinking that the rest of the queue also needs to be fed. Your little one is only three, so one wouldn't expect him to automatically think of anyone but himself, but it's good age to start learning it.

Probably because they could see he couldn’t possibly be playing with all those items simultaneously?

So glad my kids are up, do people actually say he was actively playing? OP sounds obnoxious and I’m sure her son isn’t far behind.
Hogging all the toys and being rude and teaching your son to be selfish isn’t the cool parent move you think it is.

You can't hog toys for the whole session. Im flabbergasted that you think you could at a public/group session.

If you want your child to have his own toys to play with alone, you buy them for him.

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first

But you understand though, that "a turn" is like 5 mins. Not the whole hour long session. Those toys don't belong to you and are there to be passed around and shared among all the children.

You had zero intention of your child sharing at all and its very clear. Why don't you buy him his own toys to take to the pool in a normal session if that's what you want?

Last year my friend and her new boyfriend came over for dinner. 7 of us were eating. I made a Greek style dinner, salads, lemon potatoes, halloumi and homemade dips and flat breads, moussaka etc but I also made a tray of 14 chicken thighs with oregano and garlic, I like to over feed instead of under, anyway friends new bloke ate 10 of the thighs. He had other stuff as well I even ended up making him extra halloumi but he was sat at the table with the chicken in reach (it was serve yourself) and once the meal was finished on his plate was 10 bones. I always make extras now but I think it was simply the fact they were next to him so he didn’t think about anyone else. Also I was more annoyed he was slim 😂

I digress but I think you’re right, not being taught young means you have people who simply don’t consider others.

The child didn’t hog the toys, the mother did -a three year old can’t physically carry that much stuff. The post is mis -titled implying it’s about the son. It should be something like “AIBU hogging a pile of toys for an hour or more (some of which my child played with in turn during that time)”

Its not sharing though if he only gives the toys up when he’s finished playing. I think YABU given the amount of toys and length your son had them for. How can he even play with them all in one go surely there were some floating around or on the side

When I took my kids swimming you were lucky to get one toy....

The general idea is you select 1-2 toys max, play with them for a bit and then return them to the side and select a different toy, not hog 5 + toys for the duration of the session. It's selfish and unnecessary. He could not have played with the toys all of the time.

I think you would have complained if you had got there and there were no toys for your child to play with. I don't imagine for one minute that you would have told your child that he couldn't have a toy while others were hogging them all.

Exactly. Why would he need two buckets? And why go to a shared environment if he does not interact with anyone, and you hog toys for an hour? You're doing your child no favours with this kind of upbringing. You yourself are probably self-centred and unaware of the needs of others.

This.

Yes. These boys and men aren't thinking, "I'm going to take all of this so no one else can have any." It's pure thoughtlessness. It just doesn't even occur to them that everyone else might like a couple of chicken thighs.

As a mother of boys, when I bring the food to the table I always announce how much each person can have!

I at first thought they were your own toys but reading comments realised you literally took all the toys at shared play session and guarded them like a hawk while your child played for nearly an hour by himself.
So many things are wrong here. At these kind of sessions, its usually one toy per child - maybe two, if there are not enough kids. I doubt toddler sessions are one hour long, they are shorter, so you were hogging toys for more than one session. You did not share toys even when another child wanted one, what a mean person.

You are teaching your son to be entitled and selfish.

We teaching sharing - but if still actively playing they can continue - that’s not sharing

And we wonder why people are as they are?
There are parents who actively and intentionally parent in this way.

Bring your own toys if you want your child to have everything exactly as he likes it!

"Sharing" doesn't mean giving something up when you no longer want it. It means giving it up while you still want it.

Not really a boat is it? More of a funny story. Most children can speak at that age. I’m just amazed that people think it’s normal for a 3.5 year old to not be able to speak. That OP is lying because her child can say a coherent sentence. If your child can’t speak pretty well by that age there is some kind of delay, and you should be seeing a health care practitioner to find out if there is something wrong. Yes children develop at different stages, but also acquiring fluent speech by three is absolutely standard. It amazes me that people just ignore developmental delays in their children.

Because he was hogging all the toys and none were available to other families, perhaps?

After an hour, you should have demonstrated a more gracious response to these people than your child's "NO!" which is reinforcing bratty behavior.

"Come along little jimmy, you've had a good go with these toys, now its someone else's turn"

See? Not difficult.