Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not make my son share?

680 replies

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:14

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

OP posts:
OhBettyCalmDown · 11/06/2026 21:53

It sounds like your son was ‘targeted’ because he was the one with all the toys?!

dreamiesformolly · 11/06/2026 21:54

topcat2014 · 11/06/2026 21:36

I'm mixed on these specifics. But, I never share anything as an adult, although I might share my sweets with my daughter. My wife needs to pick her own.

I assumed the idea of sharing was from a time of poverty where families couldn't afford much.

I really hope you're joking. Surely you teach your daughter to share??

WilfredsPies · 11/06/2026 21:54

topcat2014 · 11/06/2026 21:36

I'm mixed on these specifics. But, I never share anything as an adult, although I might share my sweets with my daughter. My wife needs to pick her own.

I assumed the idea of sharing was from a time of poverty where families couldn't afford much.

Wow, that’s quite the admission there.

Do you teach your daughter to share? Do you understand why we teach children to share?

MyDandyUmberDuck · 11/06/2026 21:55

How many toys for the entire group and how many kids? Did he have more than his share? Did other kids have access to watering cans and buckets - if only a couple then you take turns so everyone can play with them.

Floppyearedlab · 11/06/2026 21:57

Not good etiquette to go to a shared session then hog a load of the toys over in the corner by yourself.

Sauvignonblanket · 11/06/2026 21:59

Rather than only thinking about your own child you should have looked at the number of toys and number of children, and made a judgment on what was a fair number and time to hold onto them. The rule you have at home when they're your own toys doesn't apply when it's a public space with shared toys.

Bookbears · 11/06/2026 22:03

Notateacher2020 · 11/06/2026 18:37

You’re creating a monster and in 3 years time you’ll be back here asking what went wrong and why he’s struggling socially at school.

There’s a child like this in my sons reception class and when he doesn’t get his own way he goes around biting the other children and bending their fingers back - my son included.

Schoolchoicesucks · 11/06/2026 22:03

None of us know if there were loads of "spare" toys left that the other child could have played with or if all the toys were being played with.

Your child couldn't have been playing with 2 buckets, a watering can and several other toys all at the same time - he has 2 hands and was also in a pool which needs hands for moving around, splashing, climbing out etc.

Expecting sole use of an area of the pool and more toys than one child can hold for an hour is excessive. You should have intervened to support your son to share with other children and take turns.

ilovesushi · 11/06/2026 22:04

If was the other mum, I'd be telling me child, no that little boy is playing with that toy, let's pick one of the other toys. What a poor message to send to a child - that whatever you want on the slightest whim, can be taken from another person to satisfy your demands.

PepsiBook · 11/06/2026 22:08

You let him take a while bunch of toys and would not let anyone have a turn with any of it. He can't keep it all for the whole duration. They're not his belongings.
It's not your child's fault, it's yours entirely.

Grammarnut · 11/06/2026 22:09

Why did he need all those toys? Surely they are to share among all the children present. A couple of toys would be sufficient, why did he need a float and two buckets, a watering can and assorted small toys? He's there to learn to swim, surely? You were hogging a lot of toys for over an hour I am not surprised other parents were annoyed - but they should have spoken to you, of course, not your son. Who got a bad lesson in it being okay to hog shared toys because he wanted them all.

dreamiesformolly · 11/06/2026 22:09

ilovesushi · 11/06/2026 22:04

If was the other mum, I'd be telling me child, no that little boy is playing with that toy, let's pick one of the other toys. What a poor message to send to a child - that whatever you want on the slightest whim, can be taken from another person to satisfy your demands.

It's not ideal, but do you not think 'It's OK to hog most of the toys' is a worse message to send?

Grammarnut · 11/06/2026 22:13

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Because he had a lot of the shared toys?

Daysgo · 11/06/2026 22:13

It sounds like ur child grabbed a load of toys and held onto them all for an hour?! Interesting parenting...

Ohdearnotthisagain · 11/06/2026 22:14

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Because you let him take far too many toys and you had them for an hour!

The other parents were passive aggressive and I hate that but honestly you show a complete lack of self awareness.

Grammarnut · 11/06/2026 22:17

topcat2014 · 11/06/2026 21:36

I'm mixed on these specifics. But, I never share anything as an adult, although I might share my sweets with my daughter. My wife needs to pick her own.

I assumed the idea of sharing was from a time of poverty where families couldn't afford much.

You assume wrongly. Sharing is a basic social skill required by us all. You don't share sweets with your DW? Why not? Did no-one teach you that you are supposed to share? It's friendly and co-operative and plain good manners.

12timesD · 11/06/2026 22:20

topcat2014 · 11/06/2026 21:36

I'm mixed on these specifics. But, I never share anything as an adult, although I might share my sweets with my daughter. My wife needs to pick her own.

I assumed the idea of sharing was from a time of poverty where families couldn't afford much.

I assumed the idea of sharing was from a time of poverty where families couldn't afford much.
You are wrong.

Also don't give your dd sweets, bad for her teeth.

CaesarAugusta · 11/06/2026 22:21

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first.

But how long does a turn go on for? Suppose, for instance, you had gone with a friend's child who wanted to have a go with the watering can, and you're only there for an hour. Does the friend's child get zero chance to play with it because your child's "turn" carries on throughout the entire duration of the visit?

Tabarnak · 11/06/2026 22:27

Montessori philosophy is not to make kids share things they are actively engaged with or that belong to them.

Sharing in any case is quite a nebulous concept for small children. ' Taking Turns' is a far more concrete process, and easier to practice - because it has the carrot of 'then you get it back again , after they have had a turn'

I really don't see why kids should relinquish something they are playing with because another kid wants it. But if it is the only toy / play equipment of it's kind and is of communal ownership taking turns is being considerate

IDrinkTeaAllTheTime · 11/06/2026 22:32

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Ah, the classic “AIBU?” Everyone tells OP they are, and OP comes back with all the reasons why they’re not unreasonable.

So tedious 🙄

Solobanana · 11/06/2026 22:32

Entitled parents will raise an entitled spoilt child….

Seriously79 · 11/06/2026 22:35

I would of suggested taking turns.

sittingonabeach · 11/06/2026 22:35

That was a lot of toys for a long time

Lisacm85 · 11/06/2026 22:37

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

You sound very childish and entitled.

Wecandothisasalways · 11/06/2026 22:38

OP hasn’t replied for a few hours,so probably/ hopefully reflecting on the replies!

Swipe left for the next trending thread