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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not make my son share?

680 replies

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:14

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

OP posts:
MsAmerica · 11/06/2026 21:21

Burgundyleaf · 11/06/2026 21:16

I’m glad you highlighted this, I’m genuinely interested in a 3 year old who would talk to an adult like that, twice without the parent of the 3 year old commenting or engaging with the other parent?

Omigod, I didn't even think of that aspect - of a child sturdily, but politely, standing up for himself without an intervening parent.

LookInsideMySpottyBag · 11/06/2026 21:22

@Waheymum are you on the wind up too? 😂What does being an only child have to do with it?!
I’m an only child; I know how to share unlike the OP, and I wouldn’t be so selfish. Being ignorant isnt a trait solely reserved for people who are an only child, some of the worst at sharing are those who come from bigger families, in my experience, as they’re more territorial of there belongings, food etc.

Shelleyblueeyes · 11/06/2026 21:22

SooPanda · 11/06/2026 17:20

Your child is only playing with the toys they're holding in 2 hands. The rest is hoarding. 2 buckets and a watering can is more than your fair share especially for over an hour!

I agree. 2 buckets full stop is unnecessary (and he had a watering can) he had all the good stuff!
I'd have been pissed off too if I was the other parent - my kids are older now but I remember those fun swims fondly.

Sorry - I don't think you're gonna get much sympathy on this one OP.
X

Poppinpoppinpopcorn · 11/06/2026 21:27

So you had a watering can, two buckets, several small toys and a float and then took yourself of separately hoping noone would go over as well. I went to these sessions when mine where little. You share the toys you don't hoard. You use the watering can then leave it in the pool for someone else. Then use a float then leave it for someone else. You use a toy then leave it for for someone else. You pick ONE item at a time so everybody can use them.

12timesD · 11/06/2026 21:27

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Targeted 🙄

You sound a bit anti social. Why go to a shared pool with shared toys, which is presumably a social activity if you and your ds just grab a bunch of toys and feel targeted when someone interacts with you. "Give me that" or "I want it" is probably one of the oldest kiddie interactions in this world? I bet Neanderthal kids said it in fewer words with assertive hand gestures to each other. It's social play.

Buy your ds his own plastic toys and let him play in the bath tub.

Purpleturtle45 · 11/06/2026 21:28

I would absolutely have made my child share, especially if you have 2 of the same item and had been playing with them for a long time, it's basic decency.

Figgygal · 11/06/2026 21:31

Op seems to have disappeared
Maybe she's playing with every pool toy known to man for an excessive amount of time n

Lexy2345 · 11/06/2026 21:33

I’m embarrassed for you. You obviously have no idea how to share, and in turn, are teaching your little boy to be blinkered to other people’s needs as well. You may find he struggles to make friends if this attitude continues.

Mum2102 · 11/06/2026 21:34

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Sounds like your child had alot of the toys, maybe there wasnt any others left? Or the others just had 1 or 2 toys each?

Franjipanl8r · 11/06/2026 21:36

What are you teaching your child by hogging a load of toys that don’t belong to him for a whole hour?! Of course he should share - they aren’t his toys!

Rooroobear · 11/06/2026 21:36

Oh, you’re one of those parents. Targeted? Please.

you took more than your fair share and kept them for a long time without teaching your child how to share when he had lots that he played with for over an hour! But no matter what people say you’ll act the victim and not listen to the majority

topcat2014 · 11/06/2026 21:36

I'm mixed on these specifics. But, I never share anything as an adult, although I might share my sweets with my daughter. My wife needs to pick her own.

I assumed the idea of sharing was from a time of poverty where families couldn't afford much.

bettyboo9 · 11/06/2026 21:37

It’s a bit of a contradiction to say we absolutely teach our children to share, them go onto writing a post about only if they have decided to stop playing with said toy or toys in this case. Certainly isn’t sharing

Pinkchickenwine · 11/06/2026 21:38

topcat2014 · 11/06/2026 21:36

I'm mixed on these specifics. But, I never share anything as an adult, although I might share my sweets with my daughter. My wife needs to pick her own.

I assumed the idea of sharing was from a time of poverty where families couldn't afford much.

What on earth are you talking about?

AD1509 · 11/06/2026 21:40

If there went other replicates of the toys in the same are for the other children that paid to attend the session to also play with- then you were being massively greedy. Chirping “no thank you!!” whilst you hog the toys doesn’t make it cute- just entitled- and that’s down to you as a parent

Poppinpoppinpopcorn · 11/06/2026 21:40

topcat2014 · 11/06/2026 21:36

I'm mixed on these specifics. But, I never share anything as an adult, although I might share my sweets with my daughter. My wife needs to pick her own.

I assumed the idea of sharing was from a time of poverty where families couldn't afford much.

These toys don't belong to OPs child. They belong to who ever owns the swimming pool and are there to be shared by paying customers. Your example us completely different.

Honeyhonay · 11/06/2026 21:40

topcat2014 · 11/06/2026 21:36

I'm mixed on these specifics. But, I never share anything as an adult, although I might share my sweets with my daughter. My wife needs to pick her own.

I assumed the idea of sharing was from a time of poverty where families couldn't afford much.

These are toys not owned by the OP but provided by the leisure centre or class she was attending with her child. They need to be shared because they are for the enjoyment of all children, they are just as much for the other children as OP’s child and her child hogging 7 toys inevitably leaves other children without.
What on earth does that have to do with poverty?

Reallyneedsaholiday · 11/06/2026 21:41

You asked whether we would have “said something”? The simple answer is “yes, yes, I would have” … to YOU. And you probably wouldn’t have liked what I had to say tbh. You are raising a child who will be entitled and selfish.

Cillmantain123 · 11/06/2026 21:42

Is this a reverse
I can’t believe any adult would have so little insight into how selfish this is

WilfredsPies · 11/06/2026 21:49

Maybe you should just buy a really big paddling pool for your back garden so he can keep all the toys for himself. That way, you don’t have to go to all of the trouble of installing any consideration for others into him.

Poppinpoppinpopcorn · 11/06/2026 21:49

If I was using this session at the same time as OP I would be complaining about her to the management. Part of the price Im paying for the swim session is so my child could play with the toys and floats. This is not possible one when person hoards them. I would be reminding them that if it continues they could lose customers because of one person and hope they would take some kind of action towards the OP.

bettyboo9 · 11/06/2026 21:51

Adult version…. Go to a restaurant that doesn’t take reservations. You’ve been really looking forward to it . The place is absolutely packed but you spot 2 seats on a large table for four. You politely ask if the other guests wouldn’t mind you sitting on the 2 empty seats in a non reservation restaurant. They reply’ yes of course, come share, just wait the 45 minutes or so until we finish eating and our evening here’ 🙄🙄 seriously!

dreamiesformolly · 11/06/2026 21:51

CRD67 · 11/06/2026 18:31

2 words
Entitled Karen

Do we really have to stoop to misogyny?

Summersunplease21 · 11/06/2026 21:52

This has to be rage bait. Little Lord Fauntleroy with his 7 toys for an hour which he hadn’t finished ‘his turn’ with. Jesus, if this I real I despair for you OP.

Hillarious · 11/06/2026 21:52

How long were you expecting to stay in the pool? After an hour with so many toys I would have been telling my child that it was time for someone else to have a turn. Not share, but pass the whole lot over. Consider taking your own toys next time?

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