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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not make my son share?

681 replies

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:14

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

OP posts:
Waheymum · 11/06/2026 20:25

It's really important that toddlers (I assume by your post that you're talking about toddlers) learn to share. I and my mum friends at least try to get them to share toys at toddler group...

Honeyhonay · 11/06/2026 20:25

Totally fine for your child to not share his toys, poor form to allow your child to hog a large number of toys meant for all children not just him.

WeCanAskandAsk · 11/06/2026 20:25

Either this is a reverse or you are incredibly entitled.
Allowing your son to behave like this is disgraceful.

Mumandcarer80 · 11/06/2026 20:26

The toys don’t belong to him so of course he should share. How would your ds feel if he had nothing to play with and one child was hogging multiple toys. Surely he can’t play with all the toys at once. That’s greedy and not teaching him anything.

Givemeausernamepls · 11/06/2026 20:27

I wouldn’t expect my child to share his own toys (unless friend invited to come over), I wouldn’t expect him to stop playing with one toy etc so someone else could have it. I wouldn’t let him monopolise a toy / piece of play equipment that did not belong to him.

I wouldn’t want to teach my child to keep lots of shared toys whilst a child has none. I would have asked him to share / take turns and suggested he chose 2 he wanted to keep and offered the other child to choose 2z

amyds2104 · 11/06/2026 20:29

Wow! Your poor child will learn no manners or concept of sharing if you can’t even show him how to share in this situation 😂

Waheymum · 11/06/2026 20:29

We you an only child, OP?

anothernewname6789998212 · 11/06/2026 20:30

PrincessOfPreschool · 11/06/2026 17:49

I don't understand how it's sharing if your child only shares when they have 'actively finished playing' with something. It's like saying: "Oh, let me share my chips with you. I don't want them anyway!". You're teaching him that if he doesn't want something then it's OK to 'share' it - rather than being willing to give up something you DO want as it's fair for someone else to have a turn.

Yes good point, it is in fact the opposite of sharing.

You wouldn’t accept an offer to share a Chinese with a friend and then expect to sit there and wait until they’d eaten as much as they possibly could before taking yours. That’s having someone’s leftovers, not sharing.

I fear this type of ‘sharing’ is how the grown adults who pile half of a pizza on their plate intended for 4 people before the others have even had a look in are formed.

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 11/06/2026 20:31

If “finishing his turn” takes an hour then YABVU and not teaching your child a thing about sharing!

ShetlandishMum · 11/06/2026 20:31

mamajong · 11/06/2026 20:22

This has got to be a wind up surely? In a shared play session you cant seriously believe your kid is ok to grab a load of toys and hog them for the full hour? If they were his own thats one thing but shared toys for everyone?! Yabu and you know it

I have seen staff interveen in situations like this at our local pool.

IDasIX · 11/06/2026 20:32

It’s not teaching him to share if he only has to give things over to other children when he’s done with them!

pteromum · 11/06/2026 20:32

Wow. Brilliant responses. Waiting for the reverse in hope.

otherwise, will follow for, my child was sat at the bottom of a slide for an hour, happy, why should they move posts.

in the event it is real, you have massively messed up an opportunity to teach and observe sharing of things that don’t belong to either of them.

TeaIsLovely · 11/06/2026 20:33

Good luck at Kindergarten….

momtoboys · 11/06/2026 20:35

Why would you take so many toys? He can't play with all of them at the same time. You absolutely should have shared. The other adults or employees must have been talking about what a greedy person you were.

Pinkchickenwine · 11/06/2026 20:35

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

Ive a feeling OP arrives early to be the first to ensure her little prince gets everything he wants, goes down the other end helping him carry a ridiculous amount of toys, so he can have all the toys to himself play independently.

momtoboys · 11/06/2026 20:41

Pinkchickenwine · 11/06/2026 20:13

Thanks for answering that! I was just about to ask the same question! I think you’re right.

This is going to be the same mum who comes back in a couple of years and cannot figure out why:

  1. Her son has no friends
  2. Why none of the other mums want to be bothered with her
MeinKraft · 11/06/2026 20:41

Encouraging your child to play with others and share their toys helps to turn them into people that other people like OP. Stop hiding down the end of the pool away from other kids so he can have all the toys to himself, it’s weird.

FieryA · 11/06/2026 20:42

Sorry but you sound entitled. Was he 'actively playing' with all the toys for an hour? And then you are preaching to others about sharing? Just because your kid said no thank you, doesn't mean that he can get away with doing whatever he wants.

Bananananna · 11/06/2026 20:46

Your concept of sharing is off. It’s not sharing if the child who has the toys gets to play with them until they’re bored of it and only then has to “share”.

Your kid had 45 minutes with them - which is quite a long time for a young child in a pool anyway - it’s quite selfish to just take multiple things and not be happy to even let go of one thing to another child.

bevm72yellow · 11/06/2026 20:47

Taking turns and reciprocating is not the same as sharing. If the child owns something and is asked to share it e.g. a particular toy no need to share. But if the toys are communal to all then sharing is part of the process whilst he takes opportunity to try an alternative. It also develop social skills. Give him an alternative first before giving the bucket to the other child " this is for this boys turn"

TheLemonLemur · 11/06/2026 20:47

Yabu. Letting him have his turn for an hour, taking him away with a large number of toys as he wants to play alone is not teaching him to share. If he wants to play alone and keep toys to himself 1 thing is enough You are setting him up for a challenging time at school he simply won't get an hour to play uninterrupted he will be expected to properly share and turn take

ApplesAreNotRaspberries · 11/06/2026 20:47

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:14

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

Op I'm all for taking turns and not having to give your things away as soon as another child asks for them but he kept a lot of toys for a very long time. If it had just been one or two items it would have been different. If it had been that many items for just ten minutes it would have been fine. But so many toys for so long meant that some kids would basically never get a chance to play with them at all. I don't think that is how the swimming pool planned for the shared toys to be used.

Theworldsgonemadagain · 11/06/2026 20:50

Your being very selfish and raising an arse. Taking the toys for an hour is arsehole behaviour. Your child will have trouble making friends if he doesn't learn to share.

janeshandbag · 11/06/2026 20:52

I would most certainly have made him share his toys as he was playing with a lot of them - more than he could handle - for an extraordinarily long time.

it's like someone sitting at a table for four in a crowded park cafe for hours and refusing to let anyone else sit there while they read a newspaper, their empty coffee cup in front of them. why don't they either move to another smaller table or let someone else share the table? they're entitled to stay there... but they're still an arse.

WilfredsPies · 11/06/2026 20:53

2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float You appear to be under the impression that it’s a library and that your child has ‘dibs’ on the toys once he’s selected them. You are responsible for this whole situation and for your child being upset. You let him take far too many toys. If he’d just taken a bucket and a float, you’d have had the moral high ground and could have stepped in, told the woman that he was still playing with it and would hand it over when he’d finished. But you didn’t. You let him take as much as he wanted and then swept him off to another part of the pool so none of the other children would get to play with those things.

I strongly suspect you are making a rod for your own back here. You’re certainly teaching your child a dangerous lesson.