Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not make my son share?

681 replies

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:14

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

OP posts:
Damsonjam1 · 11/06/2026 19:37

You were being unreasonable to allow your child to hog the toys. However the other parent should have asked the swimming pool staff to intervene, when you didn't share the toys on first asking.

Stormwhale · 11/06/2026 19:37

I don’t think it’s fair to let your child hold on to any of the shared toys for the whole time. They are shared, supposed to be enjoyed by all the children, not just yours because he/you grabbed them first. I find it baffling that you think it’s ok and the other people were wrong for wanting to use the things they also paid for the session to use too!

morden123 · 11/06/2026 19:37

Imagine this scenario OP. Your child gets on a fire engine/play bus at a museum etc and there's a queue waiting of eager children to also have a go at being a driver. Would you let your child be driver for whatever time he wanted and then when he'd had enough the other children could then have a turn!!

ShetlandishMum · 11/06/2026 19:39

morden123 · 11/06/2026 19:37

Imagine this scenario OP. Your child gets on a fire engine/play bus at a museum etc and there's a queue waiting of eager children to also have a go at being a driver. Would you let your child be driver for whatever time he wanted and then when he'd had enough the other children could then have a turn!!

Or you accept that another child is the driver for as long as the child want - and you leave the museum without your child having a go as the other child doesn't need to share toys either.

HotGazpacho · 11/06/2026 19:39

Arsehole behaviour, honestly. YABU.

Shimmy1983 · 11/06/2026 19:42

Sharing when it is your own child’s toys is different to sharing when the toys are ‘communal’. In this context it’s about taking turns - your child had had their turn and for quite long!

bigsoftcocks · 11/06/2026 19:43

Maggiethecat · 11/06/2026 18:39

Maybe we’ll get posts from the Op
when their DC starts school detailing the injustices of having to share in the true meaning of the word.

🤣🤣🤣

bigsoftcocks · 11/06/2026 19:43

Who are the 10% who think it’s reasonable !?!?

Sugargliderwombat · 11/06/2026 19:44

Op you're missing huge point here. Children shouldn't be expected to give up things they're using instantly but it's impossible your Child was using all those toys. you are both selfish ! Two buckets when someone has none ?

FudgeFudy · 11/06/2026 19:45

I like these threads.

OP: Was IBU? I'm genuinely interested in what others think.
MN: Probably yeah.
OP: NO I WASN'T, EVERYBODY ELSE IS.

jackstini · 11/06/2026 19:46

He’s only got 2 hands so he can only actively play with 2 toys

Unless there was enough toys for every child to have that amount, it was unreasonable for him not to share and you were quite rude

Also, even if he prefers independent play, he will be at school in just over a year and needs to learn sharing and fairness or things will not go well!

YourWildAmberSloth · 11/06/2026 19:48

Children shouldn't have to share their own toys, but these were shared toys for everyone, so yes YABU.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/06/2026 19:48

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Because your child was selfishly monopolising too many toys, @drearyllama.

Zippidydoodah · 11/06/2026 19:48

Omg, your child is going to grow up so entitled.

I would have been furious at one child hogging all those toys for the whole session. So very selfish.

ClayPotaLot · 11/06/2026 19:49

12timesD · 11/06/2026 19:36

They can be engrossed in the playroom by themselves not in company, it's anti social from a certain age.

When I go to the public pool I'm not there to be social with all the other strangers who attend, even if I'm using the pool's floats. Why is a child be obliged to be?

ToastSafeFromMothsAndDogs · 11/06/2026 19:49

All of this is weird behaviour at a shared play session.

Wouldn’t you like to help your child learn to make friends and play with others?

Crunchymum · 11/06/2026 19:49

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Maybe no-one else had taken at least 5 toys / swimming implements?

Honestly!!!

Howyoudoings · 11/06/2026 19:50

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Maybe the other children only had one toy each were your son had loads . I think it’s only fair to shear after all the toys were for everyone.

Pickledonions12 · 11/06/2026 19:51

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Or why couldn't your child share toys which he'd already played with for an hour

They weren't his toys

They were toys to be used by everyone

Are you sure your son has been taught to share?

Atleastthedoglikesme · 11/06/2026 19:51

So next time, if there's traffic en route and you are a bit late and all the toys are therefore being used when you get in, and you see the other lad and his parent with 6 or 7 toys to himself up one end of the pool, you will just tell your DC "fair enough, Tommy, he got here first and is still playing with his 2 buckets, his float, his watering can and these small toys so you will have to sit here with nothing".

beAsensible1 · 11/06/2026 19:52

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Because he had 2 buckets a watering can and floaties solo playing. At a shared toys activity

DaisyDoodler · 11/06/2026 19:53

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Because from the sounds of it your child probably had more than most/ any - you cannot seriously think this is reasonable behaviour to teach. You were hogging a large proportion of toys for over an hour.

Bringyourfoldingchair · 11/06/2026 19:53

YANBU op, it’s totally fine for your child to have more toys than he’s able to play with at once for the whole time. Why should he have to share when his adult has taught him to be greedy and inconsiderate. Good job you’re teaching him to play alone….

ShetlandishMum · 11/06/2026 19:53

Atleastthedoglikesme · 11/06/2026 19:51

So next time, if there's traffic en route and you are a bit late and all the toys are therefore being used when you get in, and you see the other lad and his parent with 6 or 7 toys to himself up one end of the pool, you will just tell your DC "fair enough, Tommy, he got here first and is still playing with his 2 buckets, his float, his watering can and these small toys so you will have to sit here with nothing".

No we will have a sob about that on MN. How unfair it was!

Sardaukar · 11/06/2026 19:53

I'm surprised the people running the place didn't tell you and your son to clear off. The toys were for all the children not just yours.