AIBU to feel unable to cope with being seen naked?

[Satel]

I'll start by saying that I'm almost 21 and not a mother, but I can't imagine that I'll receive serious and relevant responses elsewhere on the internet. For the longest time, I have been deeply ashamed of being seen naked by anyone. I thought that I would "grow out of it", but that hasn't happened. I have been having a medical problem for at least a year that I will probably be referred to a gynaecologist for, but I have been ignoring it because I'm terrified that they're going to ask to do an internal exam (which is the main point of this thread). Other women that I know do not have this fear/embarrassment of being seen naked/examined and are quite uninhibited compared to me. The only friend that I've shared this with has even said that I'm overreacting.

I have no history of SA or anything like that. I think that all of this stems from my parents' attitudes whilst I was growing up. We're a religious (Catholic) family, and my mum made it clear that it is shameful and morally wrong for anyone to see your genitals. She would often talk negatively about women that she viewed as promiscuous (pregnant before marriage, on birth control, wearing certain clothing, etc.). Whilst I no longer live at home, I feel that my upbringing has stuck with me. My boyfriend and I are abstinent until marriage, but I imagine that this will also be an issue that I will need to overcome before then.

You do not get naked for a gynae exam, I am unsure what makes you think that?

yes you remove your clothes behind a curtain from the waist down, you then lie on the bed and put a sheet over you. The doctor or nurse cannot see anything other than clearly where they need to examine, which is no more than a brief glance.

What do you fear will happen if someone sees you naked? Or what are you ashamed of? Is it a body confidence thing as in is there something about yourself you don’t like ? If it is can you work on it eg like being overweight etc. I’d recommend speaking to your doctors. They won’t judge you but you do need to let health professionals see you if needed. They will have seen it all many times over.

There aren't many women I think who are completely uninhibited about being seen naked, and in general our society has conventions and taboos about nakedness, so you are not so far away from the majority in that sense. I am sorry that your friends have been dismissive and suggested that you've overreacted - do they know the background to it that you've described here?

If you did need an internal exam, you are not required to be naked from the waist down. You are covered and the person doing the exam is the only one looking and for the minimum amount of time needed. You should discuss the worries you have about any possible examinations at your next appointment and ask for any support that might be available to you.

First, you don't need to agree to an internal examination if you don't want one. You can see the doctor and talk about symptoms etc- whether they will want to do an exam isn't certain but even if they do, you don't have to agree. It's better at least to have the appointment and get their views- they may be able to offer treatment based on your description alone, if you need treatment. You're also not the first woman to feel like this- you can explain to them how you feel and, if it's really important to have an exam, they'll be able to make suggestions as to how this could happen in a way that is bearable for you (but you can still say no if you like). Please don't put off engaging with your doctor over this.

It might also be worth talking to the doctor about help with how you are feeling about nakedness. Talking therapies such as CBT can really help. It's affecting your quality of life and potentially your health so please do speak up.

Sorry, I was overly vague. By naked, I just mean anyone seeing my genitals at all.

I have no problem with someone being up close to my fanny. But I hate standing up and being naked.

I'm 52 and since menopause I've been rocking a pooh bear belly and generous love handles. My partner gets annoyed with me, saying he adores every single part of my body, but I'm repulsed by myself.

I try to cover up with a tshirt, towel, sheet .... anything. But he'll occasionally wander into the bathroom when I'm in the shower (we don't lock doors) and it takes all my strength not to squeal and hide away.

He doesn't have a six pack and has a Dad bod, but he doesn't seem to mind parading around in the buff. I try and channel his inner confidence

Please go to your GP and explain your problem and your distress at the idea of being examined. I'd hate that you got ill because of embarrassment about your body. We all feel differently and sometimes we just cannot unpick the reasons we feel as we do, and anything you feel is completely valid and worthy of consideration and respect but you must not let it get in the way of you having health care. Can you take a friend or an older female relative with you to support you in speaking clearly about this?
Sending you a virtual handhold.

I've never even seen myself naked in the mirror OP. I've never even seen myself just wearing underwear in the mirror. Mainly because I hate myself and how I look.

But I must say I've never had a problem with medical practioners seeing parts of my body naked when the procedure has required it. I take the view they are there to do a job and not to judge me. And that is how you would be best to try to approach this .

Can you try it while you’re home alone? Build up your confidence. I am not naked often but I never worry about it, even at a medical appointment as you wear a gown.
Sounds like it’s a control issue.

Are you comfortable with abstinence because it avoids the problem? You’re NBU to feel like this. But the worry isn’t valid. Bodies are all different shapes and sizes. I do think that you should talk to a proffesional and get to the root of the ‘problem’.

I don't fear that anything in particular will happen, and it's not a body confidence thing. I'm fine with anyone seeing my stomach/abdomen, just not below or above. It's more that I just have these extreme feelings of embarrassment and shame that I really cannot seem to overcome. Just having those body parts exposed is what I'm ashamed of (if that makes sense).

Thank you for responding!

I think the OP is quite clear about the root of the problem, her upbringing by her parents to view it as shameful and morally wrong. If you've been told that for your whole upbringing then that's quite a deep seated and embedded thought process that will take a lot of work to challenge.

Maybe try counselling because it sounds like your fears are deeply rooted in your upbringing. Your not being unreasonable to get some help

Everymbody feels like this to some extent so the doctor is used to reluctant patients. Ask to see a female doctor, they are generally very sensitive if you explain your feelings. Weat a skirt so covering up is quicker and less on display.
It probably is due to your parents ..but unpess she gave birth on her own shes had it on display and felt it was appropriate at the time nobody will be judging you.
You need to see a gp and talk it through if you need an exam it could be for life changing reasons.

I do think it is a bit unusual. Most people have no qualms about their personal bits being exposed during a medical examination. If they did, the world's population wouldn't be as high as it is. There's nothing shameful about it because it's for health purposes. When you get married, how do you expect to be able to be intimate with your husband? If you want children in the future, how do you expect to be able to give birth if you don't want down there to be exposed?

You have been conditioned by your mum to view nakedness as shameful and wrong. It is neither. Our bodies are the only vessel we have to navigate the world, and they are worthy of respect and care.

Please consider speaking to a therapist to help find new ways of relating to yourself. Medical exams are necessary and this is creating a barrier that can be removed with support. But also as PP mentioned to help you move forward into intimate relationships, sex, childbirth etc as normal, natural life experiences.

I suggest you decide to make friends with your body. Look at it in a mirror! You are 'fearfully and wonderfully made'
Take a look at the 'great Wall of Vagina' an art installation celebrating the vajayjay.
They are complex and amazing organs, and need treating with care and consideration.
You are an adult, it is terrible to thing to risk being ill because you are too shy about yourself to be seen!

Would it help you at all to think about the extreme hypocrisy in this very strong message your mum has given you. To be clear I'm not blaming her directly, because she is the product of her upbringing and the Catholic Church, as are you. But your mum had sex, you're the evidence of that. She has gaven birth. Doctors, midwifes and nurses will have seen her and examined her. She's made you view your own body with shame. Who knows if she stopped to think about the impact of her words on you. Who knows if she reflected on the impact that she herself may feel from receiving the same message from her parents and church.
Anger towards your mother and towards the teachings of your priest would be more suitable than self loathing. I don't think that you'll find the answers here, I think you need therapy to unpick this emotional abuse. You have been taught to feel quite extreme shame about your body and your sexuality. I think that's abhorrent and I'm very very sorry for you. I don't think you're overreacting and I do think you should take this very seriously. This is preventing you from accessing healthcare. Would you want this for your future daughter? You have so much time in front of you, sex is fantastic, motherhood is fantastic (most of the time!) This is your life and you should be able to access all parts of it fully without shame. Please consider looking for a therapist to help you

This
I can identify with the negative impact of your strict Catholic upbringing and your mum's negative views and prejudice, I have been on the receiving end of similar.
Please don't delay getting any required appointment.
You will be in professional hands and I am unsure why you feel an internal examination might be required.
You will be able to get any support required. Take care OP

Nothing to add except this is your health - it's important. You can work on the feelings of shame or whatever in good time but you must put your health first.
If you do need to expose yourself to a doctor please remember they've seen it all before and to help put your mind as at rest at it can be, ask then to explain exactly how the procedure/examination will go so that you can mentally prepare and know that it's going exactly as it should. You could also ask for a female chaperone to be in the room if that might help.

THIS is exactly what people are talking about when they bring up purity culture. OP has been directly affected by it.

Perhaps some counselling to help you move on from the revolting and offensive views your mother forced upon you. She's the one who should be ashamed. Dispicable, backwards, cretinous behaviour.

@Satel
id second going to speak to the GP about this - if it’s causing you anxiety now hopefully you can get some help to deal with this. Plus as a woman potentially you will have kids, need gynae procedures/ smears etc and so it would be good to be able to get past this.
Also - I’m guessing you’re choosing not to have sex before marriage for religious reasons? Have you had a discussion with your partner to let him know how
you are feeling about this? Don’t let your mother’s narrow minded views be how you navigate your start to married life.

I don’t think many people are totally relaxed stripping off but medical settings are entirely cognizant of this fact, hugely discrete and all over safeguarding. I’ve never had a smear or coil insertion without an additional person there to chaperone (not requested, they just are there as a matter of routine). This other person stands at the head end, chats to you to distract you and offers to hold your hand. I’m old now but on the handful of occasions I’ve had to get my vag seen to it’s been kind, respectful and quick.

Your mum really did a number on you with her puritanical views.

Not all Catholics are prudes. I was also brought up Catholic, but my mum was completely and utterly uninhibited - and I am too.

I think you need therapy for this, for your own confidence in medical settings, for enjoyment of sex (no one that’s unhappy being naked is going to have a lovely sex life), and so that you don’t give your future children hang ups.

Speak to your GP and get the ball rolling.