To find lazy adults really grating?

[myothersockis]

I am well aware that I may sound like a massive bitch here.

I have a friend who is very lazy. She would rather be up until 2/3am on social media and sleep in until 10am everyday. We are late 20s. All she does is go to work (she’s a nursery assistant, fair play that’s hard work but still), and then come home and sit in bed. She ridicules me for going to the gym, running, having hobbies. She thinks it’s all a waste of time. She purposefully chooses 11-5 shifts so that she can lay in bed all morning.

It grates on me so much. I’m very much a morning person and while I understand not everyone is, I think it’s a pillar of being an adult that you’re out of bed by a reasonable time, even on the weekends. She’ll often text and say that she’s still in bed at 3pm. No mental health issues, just laziness.

AIBU to find this really grating?

I don't know why you think it's superior to get up in the middle of the night. If that's your sleep pattern, fine, but some of us are night owls and have a later schedule and lots of people are just...normal. 5:30 isn't a normal wake-up time.

"Pillar of being an adult", what absolute rubbish.

You say your problem is that she ridicules you but you are massively disparaging of her so I'm not surprised. Perhaps both of you need to stop being so judgemental of other people living their lives.

I think you and your friend just have to accept you are different. Ask her to stop ridiculing you. Stop judging her.

I'm 'lazy'. It's the way I'm made, nothing to do with age or intelligence, I'm just a lazy person who would rather be in bed at 9 am unless I can avoid it. I'd never ridicule anyone for having a 'productive' hobby though.

I never said it was a service to mankind though nor did I say it was a "virtue".

I don't think gardening, reading, walking dogs or going to the gym need to be elevated into moral virtues to be worthwhile ways of spending time. I wouldnt even say that helping a neighbour move was particularly a "service to mankind" either - it just something normal you might do to be helpful in the course of your day.

What I have constantly been trying to say is going to the gym is not "unproductive" which is what quite a few people have said and I strongly disagree with that.

Looking after your mental and physical health is not unproductive. I feel that to in order to "prove" the OP wrong lots of people have gone a bit OTT the other way by claiming going to gym is pointless etc and thats just as ridiculous.

Looking after your health can never be pointless if it helps you feel better and surely, thats no different to all the arguments saying relaxing is good?- both exercise and relaxation make you feel good so if one is "unproductive" then they both must be!

In your OP you said "I have a friend"

You have then spent nearly three hours making some quite nasty comments about your "friend".

I don't think it's the friend who has their priorities wrong...

I’d love to be a morning person, but I’m just not. I had a job where I had to be up and out of the door at 6am for a while - and it still didn’t turn me into a morning person.

I just function better later in the day. Left to my own devices I would probably go for a 3am to 10.30am sleeping pattern. I’m self-employed and currently I’m often up to around 5am working.

When it’s our time to die, no one is going to give you a medal for adopting a sleeping pattern that someone else decided was morally superior. It literally doesn’t matter.

I also have a friend who is, let’s say, a lot more laid back than me but they aren’t going to change so I accept that it’s pointless to to anything with them til late afternoon!
Do i think they’re a bit lazy? Yup! Does not affect me? Not really. Could I live like that? Not in a million years.

This.

of course going to the gym is not unproductive!

It's not mandatory, but it counts in the list of achievements as much as anything else productive.

What’s your stance on shiftworkers?

I agree! But several in this thread have said its unproductive- hence my post 😂

How on earth keeping yourself healthy can be viewed as unproductive is ludicrous to me

I’m in my 40s and never been a morning person - however much I’d like to, my body clock is naturally set to going to bed later and getting up later. Although on a weekday I have no choice but to wake at 7am every day as I have kids. During weekends and holidays however I will rarely wake before 8am and love having a lie in until 10ish if I have no plans that day. I do love my bed though and even if I’m home I’d often choose laying on my bed resting/checking emails etc rather than sat on the sofa and in the evening I love nothing more than retreating to bed early with a hot drink and my iPad to watch a series or read a book. We are all different. I’ve learnt to accept this is how I am but often faced with early birds who seem to act superior that they wake up at the crack of dawn all cheery and light. I can barely muster a “good morning” until I’ve had a shower, coffee and thawed out until around 11am 🤪

But you’re looking down on her?!

And yes… tbh, you do sound like a bitch.

Leave her alone and let her do what she wants.

Why are you even friends? It’s clear you don’t like each other.

I don’t understand why you’re so jealous of her?

She’s doing what she wants and you’re doing what you want.

Some people have different sleep patterns and some people need more sleep than others.

I’ll never understand the superiority of people who wake up early.
I wake up way earlier than you most days due to my work but I don’t think you’re lazy for having a lie in compared to me.

I couldn’t think of anything worse than being on tik tok all day, I’m not even on it.
You also couldn’t pay me to go rock climbing, deep water diving or sky diving, which people do all of the time.
But if someone wants to spend their free time doing that then so be it.

You may think that she’s wasting her life but what business is it of yours - why does it affect you so much?

sitting in front of a screen to be on MN might be easy.

Many jobs are anything but "easy", it's not just sitting down all day. Next it will be that the managers have an easy life 😂

That's why people can't get on, because as soon as you start judging and feeling superior, you really can't be friends.

MN is brutal. I hate to think what this thread will look like this afternoon, when the ones who wake up at 3pm have seen it.

I can empathise as I'm in a similar situation. So often people who are able to be very active don't recognise their own privilege.

It's all about balance - exercise and rest are both 'productive' but both going to the gym and lying in bed can become 'unproductive' if carried to extremes and particularly if someone is ignoring their other commitments and responsibilities (family life, spending time with children). A parent who goes to the gym when it should be their weekend morning to look after the kids is equally 'unproductive' imo as one who lies in bed and refuses to get up with them.

But being 'unproductive' isn't in itself a moral failing. Aside from those we share a life with (spouses, children), we don't really owe it to others to be 'productive'.

Also, people are all different and have different nervous systems and require different amounts of rest and down-time. I wouldn't really describe it as 'unproductive' to promote one's own wellbeing - for energetic extroverts, that might include frequent gym trips and socialising, but for the more sedate and introverted, doing this might well leave them drained and exhausted. We are all the best judges of what we can do within our own circumstances to promote our own wellbeing. The error is thinking that what is good for us is always good for other people as well.

We get it OP - you're just a better person.

This is the most balanced post on this thread so far- I agree 👏

You're NBU to be irritated about her casting judgement on your activities, but this is just ignorant. Teenagers need more time sleeping and resting because their bodies are actively building neural pathways and growing!

Either challenge her about her comments, roll your eyes and dismiss them because who cares when you know you're making better use of your time, or just stop seeing her. You're not a better person because you're more active, although you might be for other reasons.

You aren't coming across well, OP. You sound like a sanctimonious, self serving, judgemental person.
So, in life when you come across someone who's lifestyle doesn't mesh with your own, do you really condemn them publically and write them off as a bad human being?
Your definition of life fulfillment is up-with-the-lark, julie andrews style busy-ness, and that definitely isn't for everyone. Does it make you wrong? No. Does it make them wrong? Also, No.

Develop a a bit of resiliance, tone down the judgement and say "live and let live" to yourself 10 times a day.

I don't mind other people being lazy as long as they don't criticise me for being the opposite.

Edit to add that I shouldn't have used the term 'lazy' - rather, having different priorities to me.

You are REALLY not coming across as fulfilled, OP. Immature, whiny, intolerant, insecure and honestly, slightly unhinged to let another adult’s sleep habits—that have zero impact on you—upset you so? Absolutely.

I hope you don’t give this voice in the real world. People will think (realise?) you are a really shitty friend.

I don’t even get that upset by my newborn’s sleep habits and they literally keep me from sleeping. But then I’m a chilled night owl!

The audacity of thinking you know what another entirely separate body feels or needs.

It's none of your concern