To find lazy adults really grating?

[myothersockis]

I am well aware that I may sound like a massive bitch here.

I have a friend who is very lazy. She would rather be up until 2/3am on social media and sleep in until 10am everyday. We are late 20s. All she does is go to work (she’s a nursery assistant, fair play that’s hard work but still), and then come home and sit in bed. She ridicules me for going to the gym, running, having hobbies. She thinks it’s all a waste of time. She purposefully chooses 11-5 shifts so that she can lay in bed all morning.

It grates on me so much. I’m very much a morning person and while I understand not everyone is, I think it’s a pillar of being an adult that you’re out of bed by a reasonable time, even on the weekends. She’ll often text and say that she’s still in bed at 3pm. No mental health issues, just laziness.

AIBU to find this really grating?

What nonsense.

You think it's immoral to live a life of ones choosing?

And what exactly is 'unhealthy' on a societal level of someone working to earn an income and contribute to society in a really underrated but vital profession of childcare and choosing to spend their spare time doing what they want?

And exactly how have you come to the conclusion that the person discussed here is 'refusing engage with the outside world?'. Because the judgemental OP says they just work and stay home? I don't think that constitutes a refusal to engage with the outside world, I think it's more likely the friend is refusing to engage with the horribly judgmental sneering OP but sees their family and friends, goes shopping and so on.

Just because they're not running or sewing or whatever else the OP thinks makes them superior to the friend doesn't mean they're not living.

Don't be mates with her then if the way she lives her life riles you so much and while you are at don't slag her off online, It's clear you have contempt for her so why hang out with her unless you enjoy feeling superior.

You started the thread at 07.27 and since then all you have done is mumsnet.

Genuine question but do you regard that as more worthwhile and productive than being than sleeping @myothersockis ?

Telling people they could be helping neighbours move house rather than going to the gym could also be read as rather smug too.

Yes, well in a way that is exactly the kind of point I am trying to make to the op: we all judge things differently.

And if I am perfectly honest, there are a lot of men, in particular, who I do think should really be helping out with their families rather than going to the gym while their partner scrubs the bath clean, hoovers out the car, lugs groceries, pushes prams round the park, lifts toddlers onto swings then goes home and cooks lunch because he is recovering on the sofa from the fact he "works out" and she doesn't. I mean what is the point of all those toned muscles if not to give back by using them?

It’s up to her how she spends her free time. Not everyone likes to go gym etc, sometimes downtime is just not doing much!

I'm not especially lazy but I think I'd rather be lazy than a judgemental prick.

What's wrong with being "lazy" if it doesn't affect anyone else? What's wrong with not caring about exercise - her life, her choice. Why does she have to be productive?

Sounds like the two of you just have very different values and approaches to life

My mother and my father were happily married for many years until my father's recent death. My mother always put the success of their relationship down to the fact that they would "live and let each other live". They spent their retirement each doing their own thing, pottering about, sleeping in late if they felt like it, starting and failing at new and novel exercise routines (my father), laughing affectionately at this (my mother) and shouting up to each other around 11 each morning "do you fancy a cup of tea in the garden?"

My mother has a cousin who will not leave her husband alone for a minute. She always has to know what he's doing, and if she doesn't approve, suggests a job he could be getting on with. He's having a miserable retirement, poor guy. She visited us recently and, on being told that my two children were playing under the bed and would be down shortly to say hello, asked "but WHY are they hiding under the bed? WHAT are they doing under there?"

The one thing I'm afraid I know with complete certainty from your posts is that I would hate, hate, hate to be in a relationship with you. I'm sure you're a hugely worthy person who organises your time very efficiently, but your inability to understand that other people are entitled to enjoy their lives as they see fit, and it's not a moral failing on their part if they don't do so in the same way that you do, would drive me round the bend. I'd be hiding out in the shed, or loft, or under the bed, to escape 😂.

In my late teens/early 20s I worked in childcare, mostly nursery and for some of it school. I have never been so exhausted mentally and physically in my life.

Due to not being well paid, I had to leave that job and I did a 9-5 office job which yes was also mentally tiring but it was so much easier and much better paid. I found with my office job I started going to the gym because I gained weight due to not moving around as much which I didn't need to do when working with children.

I loved working in childcare but there's no way I'm going back, I was too exhausted, always had a headache and not enough money. Being around children is not the same as working with them.

Exactly!

And if I am perfectly honest, there are a lot of men, in particular, who I do think should really be helping out with their families rather than going to the gym while their partner scrubs the bath clean, hoovers out the car, lugs groceries, pushes prams round the park, lifts toddlers onto swings then goes home and cooks lunch because he is recovering on the sofa from the fact he "works out" and she doesn't. I mean what is the point of all those toned muscles if not to give back by using them?

Absolutely. But thats an entirely different issue isnt it? not all men go to the gym- some do cycling or hiking or dangerous sports which takes time away from their families, or they spend the time at the pub with their mates watching football and getting lairy and horribly drunk, or theyre just flat out lazy and wont get out of bed until midday whilst their wife has been up with the kids since dawn, or they are gaming or smoking weed etc etc

Thats not a gym issue, thats a being a selfish prick issue.

Is she happy? Surely that's what matters. I get out of bed early because if I don't I get depressed but not everyone needs the same. If your friend has found a way of life that works for her then as her friend you should be pleased for her, not critical. Similarly, if going to the gym and being busy makes you happy your friend should be pleased for you.

Yep. Whilst her ‘lazy’ friend is running around after small children, making their breakfasts, changing nappies, having eyes in the back of her head, supervising play….

I doubt her friend spends hardly any time on the internet or sat down. Yet the OP is better as she goes to the gym for an hour.

What does she actually say …and to whom? You are ridiculing her to us, but don’t actually say what she is doing to you

Yes, though I suppose making the gym a virtue does rather assist them in not seeing it as selfish.

It is fine you like the gym if that's your thing. But it IS your thing, not some greater service to mankind - just as her friend has different ways she likes to relax.

My Dd wears her smart watch to work (nursery) with all her steps she does she is too tired for the gym !

I’m not a fan of bedrotters either, but running regularly on hard or uneven surfaces isn’t as great for you as you think it is. Most dedicated runners I know have had to call on the NHS to deal with chronic knee problems at least.

I’m not surprised - people really underestimate the impact of physical jobs versus sitting at a desk all day.

This is definitely a thing - see the thread about preachy vegans.

I'm thinking such threads are a close second to the ones where there is one post then they fuck off.

You’re the one looking down on her. You’re not a better person because you go to the gym and wake up at 5 in the morning. I would hate to have friends like you.

Of course it’s not a “pillar” of being an adult to get up early!! Where on earth did you learn that??

I’m in my fifties, and given the choice, I’d be in bed till about 10.30 every day. I often work long (12+) hour days, until late in the evening, and if you had a go at me for what time I got up, I’d tell you to fuck off and mind your own business.

WHY are you "friend" with her?

You are being ridiculous to be so superior because you get up early. Some people exercise at 5am, but others exercise at 10pm and work until past midnight. Neither are superior, it's just different sleep pattern.
Surely it makes sense to be up when you are most efficient, when you have the choice. I'll be sleeping until 11am most days if I had a chance.

She has a massive chip on her shoulder for ridiculing you for being active.

I can't understand lazy people, and people who have no interest in life, I don't judge but I can't get on with people who are not very active, and all my friends are sporty as it happens. If someone's only hobbies are gardening and crochet, good for them, but we won't get on.

I am not friends with them though.

What's the point if you both clearly dislike each other? If you were sisters, fair enough, but "friends"? You are BU😂

Some people don't think about the impact physical jobs have on people!

Except you don’t sound like a very nice person. Is there a gym where you can work on improving kindness levels and tone down spite?

Ugh this whole grind culture is grinding. Going to the gym and running is what YOU like doing! So what? Does that mean you are better than her? Being an adult means that she can choose to
do what she wants - and she works and sleeps. That’s fine! She is hurting no one. Get on LinkedIn ffs