To find lazy adults really grating?

[myothersockis]

I am well aware that I may sound like a massive bitch here.

I have a friend who is very lazy. She would rather be up until 2/3am on social media and sleep in until 10am everyday. We are late 20s. All she does is go to work (she’s a nursery assistant, fair play that’s hard work but still), and then come home and sit in bed. She ridicules me for going to the gym, running, having hobbies. She thinks it’s all a waste of time. She purposefully chooses 11-5 shifts so that she can lay in bed all morning.

It grates on me so much. I’m very much a morning person and while I understand not everyone is, I think it’s a pillar of being an adult that you’re out of bed by a reasonable time, even on the weekends. She’ll often text and say that she’s still in bed at 3pm. No mental health issues, just laziness.

AIBU to find this really grating?

As opposed to sitting on your phone all day responding to MN 🤣

If this was someone such as my husband, then no I would not tolerate being with someone like that. But a friend?
Of it doesn't affect me in any way I really would not care.
You clearly dislike her, so why is she your "friend".

Who gives a flying F what she does on her own time - she doesnt answer to you

More likely she only saying to wind you up to get a reaction out of you for the crack
You cant control other poeples actions but you can control on how it affects you , ignore it go on with your life - its none of your business

And that affects you, how?

Does it affect her work or overall wellbeing?

You are on social media now moaning about her. Is that really a productive use of your time?

I mean too much social media could make someone quite dull company, be addictive or affect their mental health but I don't think it makes you lazy, per se.

I don't think that follows. The friend is working; she makes her money. What she does in her spare time is unlikely to affect her ability to buy property.

What has she said to you that demonstrates her ‘looking down her nose’ at you?

Are you a nice person though?

Her so called "lazy" lifestyle is only a problem if it affects others.

She's laughing at you kid.

..and yet here you are being unnecessarily upset by someone who does things differently. I'm sorry but your posts are not coming across as coming from a particularly happy person. You sound very fragile and wound-up.

Why does it matter to you?

Just dont be her friend anymore. People are different and you are old enough to know that. Not everyone has the same hobbies or goals or sleeping pattern. Leave the poor woman alone!

But ARE you truly fulfilled?

Because this thread actually comes across as insecure and angsty deep down. Why do you need to concern yourself about her inferiority and check off your marvellous traits against her lifestyle?

Please explain, if she works in a physical job every day for 6 hours in the week, how she is in bed all day?

You don’t actually make any sense OP.

I completely agree that going to the gym isn't a substitute for being a kind, interesting or accomplished person, and I don't think most gym goers would claim that it is.

However, your earlier comments did come across as quite critical of gyms and the people who use them. Describing the gym as "mindless" and "unproductive", and suggesting people would be better off helping neighbours move house or helping the elderly, sounded rather different from simply saying that it isn't a major "CV of Life" plus point. Telling people they could be helping neighbours move house rather than going to the gym could also be read as rather smug too.

For me, the gym is neither a moral virtue nor a personality trait. It's just an efficient way of maintaining my health, strength and bone density in a modern world where most of us spend far too much of our lives sitting down.

Regarding the OP - if she does feel going to the gym makes her morally superior then that is wrong but also, her friend is also wrong for ridiculing her for her fit lifestyle.

Ok, so you're superior and happier. Why isn't that enough for you? Why do you need her to acknowledge your superiority before it satisfies you?

Do you think she's spent all morning thinking about you?

She probably doesn’t but tells you that as she doesn’t want to go out anywhere with you.

You are not doing better than her because you are completely lacking in emotional intelligence, empathy and self awareness. And you’re a really crap friend…

Good for you…?
I find it strange why you are so invested in her being a night owl. She has a job, she isn’t hurting anyone. She has built her life around her preferences as have you. All good. Neither one is somehow morally superior.

I woke up at 10am today and will be going to work at 12. After work I won't be going to the gym or any boring classes. There's no trophies dished out for never having a lie in.

Do you think she cares about her friend's motivation, she doesn't like her so why do you think the op wants to talk about motivation and her lack of interest?

My mum works at a nursery and I’ve done a few shifts there back when I was younger and it’s bloody hard work. It’s manual labour with added paperwork and often added drama from parents and coworkers… give her a break.

Tbh OP, if I knew you, I think I'd tell you that I lay in bed scrolling, slobbering and eating doughnuts and didn't give a fuck even if it wasn't true, just to wind you up and watch you go. I really couldn't blame her if she's pissing herself over this.

But I think it's far more likely you aren't in her head at all.

Can you give an example of what this looks like?

Is it during conversation? What sort of thing does she say?

I've been into gym, running, yoga etc for most of my life but it certainly didn't help me buy a house.

In fact it is often in direct opposition to that, as I've always wanted to do more exercise and less sitting at my desk working which is the bit that enables me to own a house.