To find lazy adults really grating?

[myothersockis]

I am well aware that I may sound like a massive bitch here.

I have a friend who is very lazy. She would rather be up until 2/3am on social media and sleep in until 10am everyday. We are late 20s. All she does is go to work (she’s a nursery assistant, fair play that’s hard work but still), and then come home and sit in bed. She ridicules me for going to the gym, running, having hobbies. She thinks it’s all a waste of time. She purposefully chooses 11-5 shifts so that she can lay in bed all morning.

It grates on me so much. I’m very much a morning person and while I understand not everyone is, I think it’s a pillar of being an adult that you’re out of bed by a reasonable time, even on the weekends. She’ll often text and say that she’s still in bed at 3pm. No mental health issues, just laziness.

AIBU to find this really grating?

And you're bitching about her to internet strangers. I know who I would prefer to know.

I'm not lazy (have a very difficult job, work long hours, run a business, volunteer, do chores around the house, have a child etc) but I love a lie in and will often stay in bed until 11am. I prefer being up late and have always been a night owl. Not everyone has to be a morning person.

She may have a medical condition that you are unaware of. I have a condition that I became aware of when I was a teenager. It wasn't diagnosed for decades. I keep it to myself & only one person knows because I am a very private person & because of embarrassment. Please don't judge. I get very tired & I am in constant pain.

Again i dont think working 5.5 hrs per day and sleeping 7-8 hrs per day and spending free time on non physical exercise make a person lazy.
Eg: i dont think someone whose hobby is reading rather than jogging males a person lazy.
I dont think it reasonable she judges you for choosing physical hobbies either.
You both need to accept that people different with different needs and are free to make different choices with regard to how many hrs they sleep,rest or what hobbies they choose.
Perhaps there are reasons for a person choices.
You seem upset that she judges you, yet you judge her.

judgy little madam aren’t you?

it’s her business, not yours.

I agree there are lots of ways to achieve good health, and if someone prefers gardening, DIY, walking dogs or helping people move house, that's great.

The difference is that many modern jobs involve sitting at a desk all day. Most people aren't chopping wood, farming, carrying water or doing manual labour anymore. For a lot of us, the gym is simply a practical way of replacing the physical activity that used to be built into everyday life.

I don't see it as simulating productivity. I see it as compensating for the fact that modern life is often remarkably sedentary. Your example of dog walking - I already have a dog and I walk her as well as going to the gym because I like lifting weights and I cant do that on a dog walk. Since menopause, my doctor recommended lifting weights for bone density and so the gym is highly productive to me to help me keep my bones strong. I only have so much time in the day and if I can get all my fitness needs met at the gym then I will do that. I dont have time for 5 different activities in the day plus a full time job and kids at secondary school. Plus, I like the community atmosphere and the friends I have made at the gym so there have been social advantages to it too!

How I spend my day and time is up to me, if there was anyone else who didn't respect that, they wouldn't be my friend.

There are plenty of threads on MN currently moaning (quite justifiably in some cases, in my opinion) about the state of the UK.

But one of our less spoken about problems in the UK comes from a lack of aspiration and a fear of hard work of our citizens - recent and long standing.

Obviously this is a generalisation and before I get flamed I am not suggesting it applies to all those defending the OPs friend BUT there is a very defensive tone about some of the responses.

We are not going to make a better society if people feel morally justified in refusing to engage with the outside world beyond the minimum required by their workplace.

It's neither healthy nor helpful on a personal or societal level.

No its not - its her choosing to live her life that way - Your not her mother she free to do what she wants as an adult - If she ridicules you you riducule her back
Dont be friends with her if you dont like her

That’s not laziness that you describe. Her life - she can do as she pleases.

laziness is when someone’s lack of responsibilty for taking care of things in their life impacts on others.

What about her lifestyle is lazy to you? @myothersockis

I think you should be both more tolerant of one another's choices.

The bigger question here is why do you give a shit what she does...?

The real question here is why it bothers you so much.

Lazy or not, what are you getting out of this? Stop this stupid rivalry, you both have different lives, different experiences and different outlooks.

You know, you're going to encounter all sorts of people with different views out there and if you take it all personally and try to assert your way of doing things as 'right' all the time you're going to alienate yourself. You two are different, just let it go. You don't need validation from a bunch of internet strangers, just do what you like doing and leave her to hers.

I travel. I do a lot more than her

Because she has the nerve to look down her nose at me from her bed!

Same here - People including my own mother said i was lazy. Now i have to actually schedule in rest days to ensure recovery

Laying in bed all day, on her phone scrolling TikTok

You are being judgemental and very unreasonable. Who cares what she does? Why does she need to be like you - are you perfect @myothersockis?

And you’re doing the exact same thing to her 🙄

Also being a morning person doesn't make you the boss of everyone.

And I say that as a morning person. If I had to work in hospitality I'd probably do very badly as I'm not an evening person. If you saw me in the evening you'd think I was very lazy.

The best thing is to try to work to your own strengths.

Look, I understand why gyms happen, and I'm not going to criticise the way you live your life if you aren't hitting out at others. You should keep doing what works for you.

But, given the op has judged others, it is balancing for her to hear some other opinions that most of us don't allow to grow into the kind of pejorative dislike she has let her opinions morph into.

I'm not going to shun someone for going to the gym! But it doesn't strike me as the "CV of Life" plus point that the OP seems to feel it is.

Have you never encountered critisism before? If you're happy with your life you should be able to laugh it off. And if she's deliberately being a cow to wind you up, you shouldn't let her crummy oppinion bother you, just don't bite back.

At least I’m doing better than her? Full time work, healthy hobbies, healthy social life, hobbies that fulfill me and further me as a person.

What's interesting about this is that your sleep pattern has zero impact on your productivity! I'm a night owl and way more productive/successful that some early birds I know. I don't get tired until midnight at the earliest regardless of how little I've slept - so getting up at 5am each day would destroy my productivity and success. It's not one size fits all