To find lazy adults really grating?

[myothersockis]

I am well aware that I may sound like a massive bitch here.

I have a friend who is very lazy. She would rather be up until 2/3am on social media and sleep in until 10am everyday. We are late 20s. All she does is go to work (she’s a nursery assistant, fair play that’s hard work but still), and then come home and sit in bed. She ridicules me for going to the gym, running, having hobbies. She thinks it’s all a waste of time. She purposefully chooses 11-5 shifts so that she can lay in bed all morning.

It grates on me so much. I’m very much a morning person and while I understand not everyone is, I think it’s a pillar of being an adult that you’re out of bed by a reasonable time, even on the weekends. She’ll often text and say that she’s still in bed at 3pm. No mental health issues, just laziness.

AIBU to find this really grating?

Why are you friends with somebody who ridicules you? That’s the problem not your different lifestyles.

What is your point exactly? Why are you invested in what your 'friend' does/ doesn't do?
Tbh I wouldn't consider someone a friend if they were so judgy. Let her live her life how she wants to, she works so is earning, hardly dossing around as a life style work shyster who is able to work but avoids it like the plague.

I have a young baby and absolutely DREAM of being able to spend all day in bed doing nothing.

My shifts are from 7am because of the nature of my job. Am always exhausted !! I did a late shift once and I felt so good !! Unfortunately not suitable for le due to childcare etc.I like your ‘friend’s’ shift pattern tbh. And what she does in her FREE time has nothing to do with you.

Here you go. Here's your gold star for being a premium adult.

You're definitely just jealous 😅

Well you’re looking down on her as well, so both as bad as each other in that respect. Do you actually like each other?!

Indeed they do, and they enjoy it and find it works for them - which is wonderful. But it isn't the only way for people to make the most of their lives.

I'm disabled - which I realise many people who don't appreciate their privilege will view as synonymous with 'lazy' - and, if I were to go to a gym and do the kind of session that many able-bodied people do each morning and find will invigorate and set them up brilliantly for the day, I would take two weeks to physically recover and be unable to do almost anything but sleep during that time.

Similarly, people who are able-bodied and could hit the gym, but prefer to spend their spare time doing other things, are also not wrong or necessarily any less productive. Theoretically, our politicians are the great and the good who make wise, productive, far-reaching decisions on our behalf - but we don't criticise them for 'just spending time talking, thinking about things and looking at spreadsheets' rather than admiring them for how fast they can run or how much weight they can bench.

None of us are wrong; it's just different people living different lives and making different choices that work for them.

Meh, I really can't get riled up about what other people do if its harming no one but themselves!

You'd HATE me then - I get up between 10 and 12, I do 8 hours work two or three days a week, i often go to bed at 4am.

You could not pay me to be up at 6am or go to the gym. Even if I wasn't disabled, fuck that shit.

On non-shift days I will mooch about, do a bit of writing, make a video, edit a video, perhaps there's an illustration/art commission to do.. or just something for fun.

Your measure of productive, worthwhile, value... is not the same as someone elses.

We don't all have to be frantically busy to not be 'lazy'. There will be no chufty badge when you meet your maker, for being crazy busy and a super judgey pants about others.

OP hasn't actually provided any examples of the friend 'ridiculing' her. My guess is she doesn't, but maybe made a comment in response to the OPs apparent hatred of her and need to feel superior.

You've written an entire post about how important it is to relax and finished it by calling someone an "angry reactive nutter". The irony is doing a lot of heavy lifting there.

This

That’s Mumsnet for you, OP. This forum is full of people who act like the default response to any concern is “I don’t care” and “how dare you care.”

It’s not really a good place to raise concerns about things like declining motivation or lack of interest in young people, even though those are real issues worth discussing.

Any attempt to talk about it usually gets shut down immediately by people who pride themselves on being detached from everything and everyone, as if not caring is a personality trait worth celebrating.

She isn't remotely concerned about the "friend"!

Proust did all his writing in bed and was highly productive.

Oh yes I totally agree. I just dont agree that exercise itself is unproductive is all- if it helps your physical and mental health then its absolutely productive

Ah yes "grating" that well known synonym for "concerned" 🙄

I may agree if looking after children was just physical, but it is mentally and emotionally draining too, and unrelenting because of their short attention span: if they have spent 10 minutes doing something it feels to them like they have been doing it for hours, so they need constant stimulation or new activities to do.

I wake up at 4.30am because of the cat, it doesn't make me a saint or any better than someone who sleeps in until 3pm.

What others do doesn't affect or bother me. You need to chill.

Honestly who’s to say the people getting rest as opposed to running themselves into the ground trying to tick the boxes for exercise, hobbies, work, mad cleaning sprees etc will end up any different. I always say sleep and water are the answer to everything and someday I’m just going to fall over trying to do everything. I’d agree you both sound like you’re not friends (haven’t read the thread btw, am assuming ye are properly fighting)

So you sit on your arse for 8 hours a day while she's up and running about after small children. She then sits on her arse while you're at the gym. Why are you finding this so difficult to understand ?

She’s not lazy if she is holding down a full time job. She is just on a different time schedule to you. I don’t think you two are really friends, let it go.

Well, how would you know?

Did anyone actually take the time to explain to OP the issues with social media obsession, possible depression, or anything constructive at all?
No. She was immediately met with “you’re a horrible person, mind your own business.”

That’s the problem here: no discussion, no nuance, just instant outrage and shutting people down.

Friends usually add value to your life and you to theirs. Otherwise what’s the point?

I love staying up late, most of my hobbies revolve around live events. I also get up early, work and often sleep from 6-7 pm and then enjoy the evening. Maybe my friends think I’m lazy too.

You need to go to the gym because you have a sedentary job. Apparently studies have shown typical gym usage doesn’t compensate for the negative health aspects of having a deck job, so your point about you saving the NHS by going to the gym isn’t correct.