To find lazy adults really grating?

[myothersockis]

I am well aware that I may sound like a massive bitch here.

I have a friend who is very lazy. She would rather be up until 2/3am on social media and sleep in until 10am everyday. We are late 20s. All she does is go to work (she’s a nursery assistant, fair play that’s hard work but still), and then come home and sit in bed. She ridicules me for going to the gym, running, having hobbies. She thinks it’s all a waste of time. She purposefully chooses 11-5 shifts so that she can lay in bed all morning.

It grates on me so much. I’m very much a morning person and while I understand not everyone is, I think it’s a pillar of being an adult that you’re out of bed by a reasonable time, even on the weekends. She’ll often text and say that she’s still in bed at 3pm. No mental health issues, just laziness.

AIBU to find this really grating?

This ^^
Switch off.
Mind your own business.

Well don’t be friends with her then if you think she’s such a lazy person. Not hard is it

Babes, you’re not her friend. HTH

She doesn't buy into the idea that OP is morally superior.

She can be lazy if she wants to be lazy, you don’t have to be friends with her if it bothers you so much.

I mean your friends lifestyle does sound a bit extreme although it wouldn’t grate me, if she was a true friend I’d just worry she was possibly depressed. BUT I will say as someone 15 years older than you, the people who learn how to properly relax and unwind are the people who look better and more youthful into middle and older age, not the mad exercisers! So don’t give up all your clubs and activities but I’d say it’s definitely worth scheduling in some down time because it sounds like you do loads (I say this as someone who’s just learning to relax and do nothing at 44 and it is bloody hard)

Ah but if OP minds her own business, how can she feel superior and snotty? 😉

I just think it's sad. Fine, she's enjoying her 3pm sleeps and that's her right, but what a dull life to lead. She's young, should be out there doing things imo! Nobody has to go to the gym but there's many more options available....!
She'll be complaining she's bored, depressed or lonely next.

You sound very judgemental and sanctimonious.
I get to bed later ( admittedly somewhere between 11.30pm and midnight) because I feel more productive in the late afternoon and early evening .
I feel better if am able to sleep till 8am .
Since I have asthma , I’m slow in the mornings I’m not sure why , maybe it takes time for meds to kick in ?
I care for someone with autism and learning disabilities who will keep me up a bit later at night + I’m running a large home without help and I’m older .
all those late evening / late night things that need done ✔️ take up time .
( dog out for late night quick walk , re set of kitchen , empty dishwasher etc , fold any laundry )
Am I lazy ???

BUT I will say as someone 15 years older than you, the people who learn how to properly relax and unwind are the people who look better and more youthful into middle and older age, not the mad exercisers!

It's perfectly possible to exercise sensibly and then relax without being a "mad exerciser" and actually, exercise is excellent for your mental health so it actually helps relaxation and good quality sleep which keeps you looking youthful.

Lying in bed for excessive periods of time is proven to be as bad for you as smoking is

As a lazy adult I work and take care of my family but I am too tired most evenings to do more than light yoga stretching or a short walk. I know I should work out properly but too tired/lazy and prefer to read in bed. And I do have a friend like you who is always super busy and sporty and cultured and well travelled and enjoys condescending me. Two sides always

I would dump her. Life is too short (I'm almost 60). Go for like-minded friends that match your vitality and interests.

I made friends with a work colleague (another temp) and we decided to do a date out of work to have some fun. She wanted to see an art exhibition as she'd never really been to one before. I was totally repulsed to discover that she's a closet narcissist with various social media accounts who's only interest was to be photographed next to the sculptures and art works and she spent all day asking me to take photographs of her. I was cringing inside at her repertoire of ridiculous poses (arched back; hands locked under her chin, etc). We'd arranged to do a late lunch and drinks afterwards and I was mortified at her constant filming of the food as it came out (also with recorded commentary 'for her tik tok'). I put my foot down when we reached a smart Mayfair bar and she suddenly started barking out orders that she wanted to be photographed against the bar, full body shot with drink it hand, etc, like some demented Art Director. I told her outright that I hadn't expected to be used as her photographer for the day and that I wasn't going to do it as it would only draw attention and people didn't behave like that in these types of places.

Then she gave me the whole sorry story that she has all these social media accounts because she's single (at 38) and hoping to meet someone and marry. I didn't really buy it and was surprised to discover that outside of work she is totally self obsessed, and in the most vain and shallow way possible. Amazing what some people are hiding.

I certainly won't be going out with her again.

Why do you think she needs an excuse? Why do you think she's answerable to you?

You're not morally superior and if you truly believed that you were, it wouldn't bother you that she doesn't agree. She's in bed doing her own thing, you're attempting to whip up an online bitchfest about her among total strangers, all while claiming to be friends. Who's morally superior?

Have you read the Let Them Theory? Why is it that her choices wind you up so much? I think you're letting her life choices get to you more than they get to her.

She's getting 7-8 hours sleep, which is decent. She's got a full time job, which is normal and positive.

Do you care because you think she's got so much more to offer the world? Or because she used to have hobbies and interests but now she doesn't and you're worried she's depressed?

Do you think that you are a better person because you get up early and because you go to the gym?

Not everyone enjoys the gym.

Waking up earlier does not make someone a better human being.

I am saying this as someone who gets up early, goes to the gym, has a full time job, volunteers, sings in a choir, walks my dogs, raises my kids and so on and on and on. None of that makes me a better person than a friend who chooses to live a different lifestyle or needs more rest. I'm a busy person and I love having a full life but I have friends who prefer a slower, calmer, simpler life and that's absolutely fine.

I have worried for friends in the past whose worlds seemed to have got smaller. e.g. one who went from having a cool busy full on job, travelling, playing in a band, running marathons and then after a break up and a terrible relationship they ended up with none of those things, living with her mum.

But the lack of sports and hobbies was the symptom of the control the partner had on her, it wasn't a choice. He'd ruined her confidence and finances so she couldn't travel. He'd cut her off from her band mates and colleagues. And so on.

Finally, are you actually good friends or is this just someone the same age who's been in your life from school?

I'm an adult, much older than you. I've always been a night owl. It's just naturally my sleep pattern. So you know what, I chose a career that catered to that sleep pattern. I work a full time job, have a social life and work out. I'm definitely not a teenager as you keep going on about. The world doesn't stop at 9pm. People need to work the late shifts to keep society going.

Why does she need to be out there doing things?

She is doing things in her job. She is probably having to do lots of arts and crafts, playing, reading. singing, etc.

Why is it a “dull” life if you aren’t being busy? Some people are very content living a quiet but still meaningful life in their free time.

Yes, I don't get why people who like to go to the gym for their hobby - as they have every right to do - see it as 'productive' when less physical, more intellectual activities are 'a waste of time'.

If we want to make bones about it, we still have and benefit from the writings and contemplations of great writers and philosophers from centuries ago; yet the people who were super fit and fast at running... well, we don't even know who most of them are, much less benefit from their skills.

It's not on if OP's 'friend' is constantly criticising her for choosing to go to the gym; but I do wonder whether she does this in response IF OP is always going on about it and bragging about it.

Be careful there, op. I’ve always been a night owl and my friends presumed I was lazy. Now I’m 60 and I’ve outperformed most of them. I always worked very hard, I just hated morning time

It is not normal to be this angry about what someone else does in their free time and what time they spend in bed. There must be something wrong in your own life for you to have such a strong reaction. Maybe you need more rest. Are you one of those people who feels guilty if they're relaxing?

You're just different. But doesn't seem much point staying friends when neither of you respects the other's lifestyle.

Agree! What actual difference does it make if someone sleeps 8 hours 9-5 or 1-9?

Night owls seem to be a bit more accepting of different personalities and preferences - you dont see us slagging off people who are in bed by ten as boring and childish, for example!

If she doesnt have kids or lots of responsibilities whats really wrong with staying in bed and relaxing?
And even if she is a bit lazy, so what? It's not impacting anyone else. There are far worse character traits to have - judginess and self-righteousness for example..

In what way are your hobbies (gym, running, socialising) productive?

Your friend’s lifestyle doesn’t appeal to me either but each to their own. As other’s have said, given you seem contemptuous of this person why not just step away from the friendship?

If we want to make bones about it, we still have and benefit from the writings and contemplations of great writers and philosophers from centuries ago; yet the people who were super fit and fast at running... well, we don't even know who most of them are, much less benefit from their skills.

Dont people keep fit for themselves though?- to keep their minds and bodies healthy and fit so they can then be more productive in their lives? thats why most famous successful business people exercise- eg Richard Branson and Alan sugar talk a lot about this, how doing regular exercise keeps them productive in their business lives

You sound very judgmental OP. It’s her life to do as she pleases. Why shouldn’t she stay in bed all morning if she wants to? I don’t understand why her choices are any of your business.

It does seem bizarre to me when some people can't understand that their way isn't automatically the only correct one and everybody else is thus 'wrong'. Why is being awake at 5am apparently virtuous, but going to bed 'early' and not having the stamina or desire to stay up until 1am is also virtuous?!

You may as well denounce as 'lazy' all of the Japanese people who don't speak any English; even though the vast majority of us are the opposite way around. Not superior/inferior; just different.

Some hard-of-thinking people even do it with night workers, where they just cannot get it into their heads that somebody in bed all day is no more 'lazy' than you were when you slept all the time whilst they were up and working.