To want to move back to england with my 5 children

[tryingtogohome]

Hi sorry if this is all over the place

I live in Poland with my partner who is Polish and we have 5 boys 15 11 5 3 and 10 months and im pregnant again 25 weeks

I keep thinking about leaving him and going back to England but then i think im being stupid because ive been here so long and dont even know where id start anymore.

I dont really have anybody. No family. I grew up in care and havent spoken to anyone from my past for years and years.

Things have got worse between me and my partner. Hes always saying what a real man should be and boys shouldnt cry and things like that. My 15 year old argues with him constanly (constantly) now and the whole house feels tense all the time.

This is going to sound silly but i keep feeling like this baby is a girl and every time i say it he gets annoyed. Not shouting just annoyed and says he doesnt want a daughter and what would he do with a girl and says hopefully im wrong. Maybe im overreacting but it upsets me more than it should.

I dont know if its hormones.

I keep looking at Doncaster and Rotherham and Sheffield on my phone when everyone is asleep and then crying because i dont even know if my children could go to school there after living here all this time or where we would live.

I know people will say leave if youre unhappy but it isnt that easy when youve got this many children and no money and nowhere to go.

Am i being unreasonable wanting to go back to England or does this sound completly mad after 11 years away

I do speak Polish, not perfectly but enough for day to day things and appointments and schools etc. I didnt when i first came here but i do now.

I dont really have any friends though. I had a couple years ago but not anymore. Everyone sort of drifted away and i dont really go anywhere without the children now.
All of the children are his. They were all born in England apart from the baby who is 10 months. He came early at 31 weeks and was in hospital for a while and thats part of whats panicing me this time because im pregnant again and keep worrying the same thing will happen.

I dont know about passports off the top of my head because my head is all over the place today. The older boys definitely have British passports. I think the younger ones do as well but I'd have to check.

Something happened yesterday that i cant stop thinking about. I went out with the baby and when i got back my partner had shaved my 3 year olds hair off. He had lovely little curls and now half his head is basically shaved. He said it was only hair and he was messing about but my little boy was crying and didnt want anyone looking at him.

Maybe that sounds stupid compared to bigger problems but it really upset me. Hes only 3.

People asking very silly questions about birth. Her children are entitled to British citizenship and it’s much easier to obtain in terms of paperwork of births are registered here. Plus OP said she feels more comfortable birthing with staff in her own language, which is only natural

No. At the hospital I’m familiar with in N/E Scotland they just take the UK ‘holiday’ address and turn a blind eye.

The front line staff know the patients are not resident but sending a bill and pursuing it would be…difficult, also not their job. They can’t turn away a woman in need so it continues.

But she isn't entitled to NHS care, as she is not normally resident here.

So? That wasn’t the question

It was, people have literally been asking how she’s eligible for it.

Yes, and I'd already answered another question by pointing out the risk of getting in trouble for child abduction. But the OP could do without also being pursued for NHS costs she can't afford.

I agree that if you do want to come back, you want to plant the seed with MIL that it would be best for all of you to live near her. Would your partner be influenced by her requests?

Not silly at all, and not racist either before anyone tries to go down that road.

Where would you draw the line on allowing people permanently resident in other countries who are ‘more comfortable’ receiving free health care at UK tax payers expense to come into the UK specifically for that purpose? genuine question.

How would you support yourself and your 6 children in the UK?

You are going to cost the taxpayer an absolute fortune. Stay where you are please and own the choices you have made in life.

It's not stupid to ask how they can afford it. If you can afford to travel home, the stay for a family and hospital expenses. It will be much easier to afford settling down with 6 children if you have a good job or savings.

Our youngest was born in Scandinavian as I wanted to give birth in the country where we come from. Being born in our native country means the child will remain having dual citizenship for life. If born and raised in UK they would have to apply for dual after 18th birthday. Different countries different rules to consider.
It was paid for by private insurance and was part of my husband's job. Yes, we were charged as non-residents living in the UK. None had believed "the holiday story". Impressive that NHS is so easily fooled.

By the way it is more or completely impossible to travel out of the UK with children to settle in your home country if your spouse/partner is British and says no. Many non UK parents have had to realize this. Even if the husband/partner is abusive.

Knowing what I know about my local maternity department I would be extremely surprised if they were to pursue costs, or even ask questions beyond taking note of a current UK address.

OP has casually admitted entering the UK just to give birth and has not mentioned even being asked about eligibility, although being originally from the UK she’ll have an NI number which would make it easier.

Still fraud, even when the victim of the fraud is hapless.

Other countries in Europe seem to work it out just fine. It's amazing how dysfunctional UK has become.

Yes, it is, and OP openly admitting to it has not done her any favours here.

To me the OP's husband sounds very domineering, and unpleasantly macho. But I'm wondering if he is typical of Polish men?

GP isnt likely to be a place to get a contraception in Poland.

So how will ypu fund all this when you get back to the UK?

You find a lot similar men in UK...

Go to England over summer ahed of birth as planned, as baby will be arriving in Sept arrange to stay on until mid term Oct so get kids into school until then.
Come Oct you could decide kids like England worthwhile staying on

Don’t know how old the husband is but his attitude isn’t uncommon among Eastern European men of the millennial generation, it’s often a reflection of how they were raised and the traditional gender roles that were more prevalent when they grew up.

I know. This really pisses me off. People moan about immigrants who work and pay taxes here (who should be valued as many of them do the jobs no one else wants to) but I’m far more irritated by British people who use the NHS and live abroad not paying any tax here. And then the OP having had SIX children (I mean why do you need six children) she’s planning to come back and take advantage of the UK benefits system (because she’s not going to be able to support six children and pay childcare, housing costs etc.). If she’d just had two or three she probably could’ve contributed a bit to the UK taxpayer but no she’s just going to be a drain.

Infuriating.

My mind is blown. You use our NHS to have 5/6 babies yet you don’t like the way your husband treats your eldest!
is there any responsibility here!
please stop making babies ffs.
Just come home.,,,.:

My daughter has my surname (as a middle name), and I had a letter of permission from her dad, but my daughter and I were still almost denied entry to Belgium to visit relatives - simply because her dad wasn’t with us and the officials instantly suspect child abduction, which is as it should be. (This was way before Brexit as well.)

Can you all come to uk for you to have the baby, ideally a few weeks before, and start things moving while you are here. Easier to not go back than to leave.
Not sure what age your oldest is able to decide for himself to leave?

Also on the issue of women who live abroad using the NHS to give birth (which is fraud, which OP is committing multiple times) - including many women who are not even British citizens - my friend who is a GP says this is absolutely rampant, and the NHS does nothing to stop it, and at most sends a bill afterwards, with no expectation of ever being paid. Let alone any legal ramifications!