To want to move back to england with my 5 children

[tryingtogohome]

Hi sorry if this is all over the place

I live in Poland with my partner who is Polish and we have 5 boys 15 11 5 3 and 10 months and im pregnant again 25 weeks

I keep thinking about leaving him and going back to England but then i think im being stupid because ive been here so long and dont even know where id start anymore.

I dont really have anybody. No family. I grew up in care and havent spoken to anyone from my past for years and years.

Things have got worse between me and my partner. Hes always saying what a real man should be and boys shouldnt cry and things like that. My 15 year old argues with him constanly (constantly) now and the whole house feels tense all the time.

This is going to sound silly but i keep feeling like this baby is a girl and every time i say it he gets annoyed. Not shouting just annoyed and says he doesnt want a daughter and what would he do with a girl and says hopefully im wrong. Maybe im overreacting but it upsets me more than it should.

I dont know if its hormones.

I keep looking at Doncaster and Rotherham and Sheffield on my phone when everyone is asleep and then crying because i dont even know if my children could go to school there after living here all this time or where we would live.

I know people will say leave if youre unhappy but it isnt that easy when youve got this many children and no money and nowhere to go.

Am i being unreasonable wanting to go back to England or does this sound completly mad after 11 years away

I do speak Polish, not perfectly but enough for day to day things and appointments and schools etc. I didnt when i first came here but i do now.

I dont really have any friends though. I had a couple years ago but not anymore. Everyone sort of drifted away and i dont really go anywhere without the children now.
All of the children are his. They were all born in England apart from the baby who is 10 months. He came early at 31 weeks and was in hospital for a while and thats part of whats panicing me this time because im pregnant again and keep worrying the same thing will happen.

I dont know about passports off the top of my head because my head is all over the place today. The older boys definitely have British passports. I think the younger ones do as well but I'd have to check.

Something happened yesterday that i cant stop thinking about. I went out with the baby and when i got back my partner had shaved my 3 year olds hair off. He had lovely little curls and now half his head is basically shaved. He said it was only hair and he was messing about but my little boy was crying and didnt want anyone looking at him.

Maybe that sounds stupid compared to bigger problems but it really upset me. Hes only 3.

It doesn't matter whether the children have British passports, British citizenship or were born here. They are still habitually resident in Poland and she cannot take them to live in the UK without their fathers consent. This would be the case even if both parents were British and the children had only British nationality. She needs proper legal advice.

I don’t even know where to start with this but I think if you do get back to the uk you need to have very large reality check about what life as a single parent with 6 kids and no family support is going to look like! And for the love of god, if you’re going to use our NHS will you get your tubes tied while you’re here??

Leaving him and going back to the UK isn't one action, you can leave him without leaving Poland.

Start by finding a local organisation for women's aid in Poland, you can start with phone consultation to understand the options and support available.

There will be child benefits, you will need the maintainance confirmed by the court to access additional benefits.

It's not "going home", but it might be easier to access support where you are (depending on your visa status) than dealing with "international abduction" as well.

Do you actually have any support in England?

You have 5 kids with this man, one less than a year old and a 6th on the way.
Unless he forced or coerced you into sex then he obviously can’t be that bad.

I think it’s quite a big deal to take 6 kids away from their parent to a completely different country.
Imagine if he wanted to do the same.

I don’t know what Poland is like for single parents but if you have no support in the UK, then I’d assume staying close to the dad so he can share custody and staying in a country that your kids know and have friends in etc would be better than moving to a different country.

Why not just separate instead of moving country?

Im sorry about your situation. I think you should be focus on the kids and yourself. Your husband does not sound like a good partner and I doubt he can change. HOWEVER I do think you can build a happy life in Poland. You speak the language a bit, English speakers are in demand (you can train to become an English teacher, consider working in a private kindergarten etc - if you’re a native speaker and a mother you may find a place that is flexible about formal education), the benefits per child give you a decent sum to start with. You are English so naturally you are thinking about the UK but if you consider Poland today not just as a country your husband is from but a place in Europe where you can build a new life, that has forests, beautiful countryside cool cities and growing economy maybe that perspective can fill you with optimism.

see if you can get any formal qualifications online that could give you some or any job after your baby is born, find out and sort out the passports anyway, research what you’d be entitled for, basically get your ducks in a row to leave him but stay in the country at least for now.

As mentioned above there’s a question about the habitual residency test for benefits, I’m not sure if she would have any right to benefits.

I really hope you can’t just up your children’s lives and move them to Poland. As much as you want to be a big part of your children’s lives, so will he, and you shouldn’t be able to move them to another country just because you feel like it. If you genuinely believe he is a risk to your children, go to court and prove it. Also, how are you planning on supporting yourself in the UK as I assume you don’t work given how many children you, or if you do your role will be based in Poland

Definitely leave and come back to the UK. Especially if you're coming to Sheffield or area, we're a friendly lot.

Yes, try to find some kind of women's aid type support..They might be able to suggest a way you can get out of your situstion. Be careful how you do it because he might get nastier if he works out what you might be planning. Work out exactly what you need to do and all the suppprt you can get and only when you are sure it's safe and you have support then you can leave. Fine out support in Poland and also contact support agencies in England. See what they say. They must have come across this situation a lot..

You really need to leave him. Is there any support in Poland as a single parent as I’m not sure that you can just take the children without a court order.
Is living separately an option until you sort out custody arrangements.
I am not sure how the welfare works in Poland.

It sounds like your children are ordinarily resident in Poland. You can't just remove them from the country against their father's wishes. It would be considered kidnapping. And he could legally have them brought back.

And the criminal conviction and loss of the children that this might lead to?

What will you do for money? Cost of living isn’t great and I imagine you won’t be able to work.

Six children is a lot - housing, feeding, clothing, finding school places, doctors, dentists when many are stretched

Sounds like more stress. Could you move away but stay in Poland, esp if the children are Polish citizens

She can't do that

This. No need to investigate passports and citizenship, your chilren are habitually resident in Poland and if you just put them on the plane and 'come home' to a country where most of them haven't even lived, that's Hague convention abduction.
You need to get him to agree to move all together. After a while when you are all settled in the UK, you can then leave him, and he will be the one who can't take kids back to Poland without your consent.

Also would you need the NHS for your birth?

Except she can’t stay. Her husband can force the return through the courts and she will lose custody, also a possible conviction for kidnapping. It’s not as easy as just returning. They are polish residents and cannot be removed without their fathers permission

the advice to just return with the kids Is. dangerous. You can potentially get the OP in a lot of trouble and lose her kids. The Hague convention is there for a reason and mothers cannot just take the kids away from their habitual home. It’s not only to stop dads taking kids abroad.

The consent wouldn't to be to stay indefinitely though!

Plus where would Op live & how would she support them all?

She also has no friends or family there.

I think OP needs to break down her situation into its constituent parts leaving her DH and coming back to Britain. Basically she needs to sort out the first bit before even thinking about the second.

You need legal advice about your position separating, possibly divorcing, what happens if he puts up a fight, what benefits if any ypu are entitled to and your rights regards taking the DCs out of Poland.

Just coming back to Britain with no contact or support is not going to be the magic wand you are hoping for I'm afraid.

Where will she live and how will she support so many children in the UK without a job?

How many people are going to suggest she commit a criminal offence that could see her jailed and lose all access to her children?

Why? Why are people doing this?

That is what I meant!

Why are so many people suggesting the OP simply returns to England!!!!

where is she going to live?
how is she going to support SIX children including a teenage boy who will be extremely angry at his situation. It’s a recipe for disaster!!