To want to move back to england with my 5 children

[tryingtogohome]

Hi sorry if this is all over the place

I live in Poland with my partner who is Polish and we have 5 boys 15 11 5 3 and 10 months and im pregnant again 25 weeks

I keep thinking about leaving him and going back to England but then i think im being stupid because ive been here so long and dont even know where id start anymore.

I dont really have anybody. No family. I grew up in care and havent spoken to anyone from my past for years and years.

Things have got worse between me and my partner. Hes always saying what a real man should be and boys shouldnt cry and things like that. My 15 year old argues with him constanly (constantly) now and the whole house feels tense all the time.

This is going to sound silly but i keep feeling like this baby is a girl and every time i say it he gets annoyed. Not shouting just annoyed and says he doesnt want a daughter and what would he do with a girl and says hopefully im wrong. Maybe im overreacting but it upsets me more than it should.

I dont know if its hormones.

I keep looking at Doncaster and Rotherham and Sheffield on my phone when everyone is asleep and then crying because i dont even know if my children could go to school there after living here all this time or where we would live.

I know people will say leave if youre unhappy but it isnt that easy when youve got this many children and no money and nowhere to go.

Am i being unreasonable wanting to go back to England or does this sound completly mad after 11 years away

I do speak Polish, not perfectly but enough for day to day things and appointments and schools etc. I didnt when i first came here but i do now.

I dont really have any friends though. I had a couple years ago but not anymore. Everyone sort of drifted away and i dont really go anywhere without the children now.
All of the children are his. They were all born in England apart from the baby who is 10 months. He came early at 31 weeks and was in hospital for a while and thats part of whats panicing me this time because im pregnant again and keep worrying the same thing will happen.

I dont know about passports off the top of my head because my head is all over the place today. The older boys definitely have British passports. I think the younger ones do as well but I'd have to check.

Something happened yesterday that i cant stop thinking about. I went out with the baby and when i got back my partner had shaved my 3 year olds hair off. He had lovely little curls and now half his head is basically shaved. He said it was only hair and he was messing about but my little boy was crying and didnt want anyone looking at him.

Maybe that sounds stupid compared to bigger problems but it really upset me. Hes only 3.

Quel surprise! Soon as the difficult questions asked OP does a runner 🙄…

Free money, council house, no requirement to work.

She’s not able to get it of course, but that was likely the plan,

You've not counted the next baby who's not born yet so adds another chunk onto this. And one of the young ones has a disability so childcare may not be so simple, though it sounds like the childcare system is better in Poland so that's a good reason to stay put, albeit separated. Assuming OP can make that work - we don't even know her marital or citizenship status there so it's all hard to say.

I think NHS users who expect to pop back to the UK when they live abroad should be stopped.

The way to do this is by using health identity cards. Every few years you get a new one mailed out to you (Uk addresses only) that is valid for a year or two. This card is scanned every time you access the NHS - to keep it legit you could also require another form of ID with proof of address at the same time. Then if you move to Poland and expect to come back and use the NHS when on holiday, and you don't have an up to date ID card, you're out of luck.

Seriously no other country in the world would put up with the NHS abuse, except the overly soft UK.

And not to mention all the NEET young people so it’s more likely that he will be a further benefits drain. Esp if he is the one getting in trouble at school.

Totally agree: The NHS is in the shit and the last thing needed is someone nipping back to have yet another baby and then moving the whole brood over for us all to support.

ID cards have been muted a few times in the UK but been met with resistance.

Both UK NHS and benefits systems are open to abuse.

Would the benefits agency even know if the Dad was using his Mums address for a Child Benefit claim? I'm not saying he is but it really wouldn't surprise me.

I’d love to know what would happen in say France if you turned up in labour? Would they just refuse to treat you or would the same thing happen as in the UK? Because I am not sure if we are a softer touch and how this works?

I think wherever you are if you’re in labour they will treat you as it is an emergency. Including in the US.

It’s not right or fair. It makes it easy for people like the OP to just use the service to which they aren’t entitled.

Eligibility should be checked immediately after the birth and anyone not eligible for nhs care should be made to pay before they take their baby home.

I do understand you are fed up op but you do need to take responsibility yourself, you have had a very large family and moved to Poland - at this point you loose residency rights like healthcare and benefits in the U.K.

But all is not lost, you need to leave your husband in Poland and seek assistance from the polish benefits system in the first instance, then once you are able to work (when baby is old enough for nursery) get permission to take your dc to the U.K. and find a job to support all of you because you won’t be entitled to U.K. benefits for some time

I wouldn't be so sure.
Times money, and if you aren't being paid why would you bother?
Keeping in mind the sue culture of the USA, why would medical professionals risk getting involved if they aren't being paid?

I know nurses here in the UK who have been advised if they find themselves at the scene of an accident not to disclose they are a nurse, as people have been sued for getting it wrong while providing emergency care at accidents.

So a lot of things in Poland are the same as my home country, I might be a bit naive thinking everything is the same but I imagine kids also get government funded nursery with only a tiny monthly fee. so even if someone has eg three nursery aged children, they're still better off working. You also have a good monthly payment for each child which is not means tested, it's not classified as a benefit, everyone gets it. Once you have three children that amount of money is pretty good for covering lots of stuff you need for kids, I imagine with 6 it will be even better.
Everyone is also entitled to one degree that is funded by government.
I understand she feels lonely though as I've been asking by husband to move but he says he would feel too lonely and isolated due to not speaking the language. There are more and more Brits moving there so I'm saying he wouldn't be an only one but I get it from his point of view. It's such a shame though as I would want my kids to have all those opportunities when they're adults but can understand my husbands feelings too. So I get that OP feels super lonely and learning the language fluently is the key in my opinion, but I also appreciate that some languages such as Polish are so hard and I'm not sure how non-natives manage at all.
My advice to OP would be embrace Poland and all it has to offer but as much as possible, try improving your Polish so you can have local friends, get involved with other mums and feel fully settled in.

One parent who is a British citizen and was born here - it doesn’t pass down indefinitely. Her child who wasn’t born in the UK wouldn’t pass it down. Citizenship does end after a generation in most situations (my children are triple citizens by descent but if they have children they’ll just inherit British citizenship)

OP I’m sorry for your situation, but you must see by now that you can’t just come to the UK. You have no right to bring your children here and no way to support them. Unfortunately, choosing to have 6 children means you have limited options and your best bet is to figure out what you can do for yourself where you live. (And stop coming here to give birth, that can’t go on forever.)

I'd also prioritize working closer with school in relation to your boys behaviour, and doing this right now. It's unlikely to get better on its own if you move countries. In fact, the move can make things much harder for them, especially since there is no other planning.

Lack of language is no excuse. Sorry.

You need to look into divorcing and staying in Poland.

You can't go back to England. Your children reside in Poland and you would need your H's consent to bring them all.

Also, England is unbelievably eye watering expensive. We live abroad, in Southern Europe, and we go to the UK a lot. Honestly, the prices and cost of living is absolutely insane. I can't see how you could make it work financially with 6 kids, including a newborn.

Ultimately, while you're feeling vulnerable now, you made some big decisions that you cannot take back. You chose to make a life in Poland. It's a pretty wonderful country, in my view. Stable, beautiful weather, good economy, down to earth people. You are implying they will grow up homophobic because of being there which is offensive. Your children's father and half their family is there. It would be cruel to take them all away.

You need to take some responsibility for your situation, stop day dreaming about a move that will not happen for another 18 years at least, and make a plan to separate from your husband. That will probably take at least a year since you are about to give birth but you chose to have another baby, that's done.

This..

Then it’s better to stay in Poland. In the UK, childcare is hella expensive, school places are hit and miss and the NHS is on its knees.

Hope you’re ok op x

I'd have thought as a UK citizen she would be entitled.
Have you actually checked it out that she wouldn't be?

But her biggest issue is going to be getting courts permission to take the kids out the country.
It could be 2 years before permission is granted. By that time the 15 yo will be 17 and potentially seen as an adult.

You think benefits are a blood right or something? 😅

No not if you have been out of the country over a certain amount of time. You would need to pass tests or wait a period of time. I can't remember what it is called.

So what are the tests? And what makes you think she'd fail.

The UK seems to give money to everyone who rocks up. I just don't think they should refuse to help a UK citizen who's been in an abusive relationship.

I didn't say she would fail but even universal credit stops after 30 day abroad.

Soeaking as a landlord no private landlord would rent to her. Firstly, she’ll need 5 weeks deposit plus a month up front - so at least a few thousand pounds. Also since the RRA landlords are being meticulous about credit checks - I can’t imagine her passing. Would her in laws be her guarantor? I doubt it. No ll wants overcrowding in their properties and 6 people in a 3 bedroom house would be seen as that. A 4 + bed property will be very expensive.

Therefore, stop advising her to come to the UK as it’ll be nigh on impossible to rent a property unless she’s absolutely loaded.