To want to move back to england with my 5 children

[tryingtogohome]

Hi sorry if this is all over the place

I live in Poland with my partner who is Polish and we have 5 boys 15 11 5 3 and 10 months and im pregnant again 25 weeks

I keep thinking about leaving him and going back to England but then i think im being stupid because ive been here so long and dont even know where id start anymore.

I dont really have anybody. No family. I grew up in care and havent spoken to anyone from my past for years and years.

Things have got worse between me and my partner. Hes always saying what a real man should be and boys shouldnt cry and things like that. My 15 year old argues with him constanly (constantly) now and the whole house feels tense all the time.

This is going to sound silly but i keep feeling like this baby is a girl and every time i say it he gets annoyed. Not shouting just annoyed and says he doesnt want a daughter and what would he do with a girl and says hopefully im wrong. Maybe im overreacting but it upsets me more than it should.

I dont know if its hormones.

I keep looking at Doncaster and Rotherham and Sheffield on my phone when everyone is asleep and then crying because i dont even know if my children could go to school there after living here all this time or where we would live.

I know people will say leave if youre unhappy but it isnt that easy when youve got this many children and no money and nowhere to go.

Am i being unreasonable wanting to go back to England or does this sound completly mad after 11 years away

I do speak Polish, not perfectly but enough for day to day things and appointments and schools etc. I didnt when i first came here but i do now.

I dont really have any friends though. I had a couple years ago but not anymore. Everyone sort of drifted away and i dont really go anywhere without the children now.
All of the children are his. They were all born in England apart from the baby who is 10 months. He came early at 31 weeks and was in hospital for a while and thats part of whats panicing me this time because im pregnant again and keep worrying the same thing will happen.

I dont know about passports off the top of my head because my head is all over the place today. The older boys definitely have British passports. I think the younger ones do as well but I'd have to check.

Something happened yesterday that i cant stop thinking about. I went out with the baby and when i got back my partner had shaved my 3 year olds hair off. He had lovely little curls and now half his head is basically shaved. He said it was only hair and he was messing about but my little boy was crying and didnt want anyone looking at him.

Maybe that sounds stupid compared to bigger problems but it really upset me. Hes only 3.

From the OP’s posts that isn’t going to happen though. He doesn’t want to live in the UK. She can’t trick him into it either. The notion of coming over to give birth and staying in an Airbnb with five kids for a baby due in September is idiotic as well. The OP will need to give birth in Poland, where she lives. It will be fine.

Of course. Come on over. It’s not like you’d need to worry about who’s going to pay for 6 children or who’s going to house them. 🙄

The simple answer is that you cannot house yourself, let alone 6 children in the UK with no job. What will you live off?

You also can't remove the children from their father. You are in a right mess OP.

She’s done it before apparently but the NHS has so much money that it’s fine 🙄

Sadly, yes this is the case.

That is correct and the OP can do the same however the EHIC reciprocal arrangement is for medically necessary treatment and I don’t think popping over every time you want to give birth is what it’s there for .

Exactly that - opting to have your children here despite not bother paying into the system isn’t what it’s intended fo

Its about habitual residence, they are only here temporarily as can be proved by school places, doctors registrations, main residence in Poland etc. The children will be returned.

They will be Polish citizens after their father.

The family would be on holiday not returning to stay permanent. So yes the childen would be returned to Poland with dad if he wants to.

It's quite simple really and the same reality lots of non UK citizens parents face having children in UK with a Brit. They can't leave UK to settle outside UK unless the childrens' UK parent allows it.

@tryingtogohome sending you more hugs.
One thing I want to say and maybe it will help you, see as I'm in the opposite situation, I feel I'm actually failing my kids by not raising them in the very safe EU country I'm from. Dare I say, I'm very scared of all the crime caused by this massive influx of criminals pretending to be asylum seekers. So I envy you being able to raise your kids in Poland.
Maybe the grass is always greener? 🌹
And then I think about long maternity leave and very cheap nurseries where I am from.
If you can't leave Poland, I'd suggest working on your polish as much as possible and start looking for work opportunities when kids are older as if you're aware of nursery situation in Poland, you'll know people can easily put multiple children throughout nursery.

Automatic British citizenship is given to children who have one parent who is a British citizen. Now we are no longer EU members, I'm not sure how the rules of Polish citizenship apply here, or how parental right affect this.

Citizenship isn’t important here, it’s habitual residence.

The children are habitually resident in Poland. If their dad says "they're not on holiday, they need to come back home to go to school (where they're registered) then that's what will happen.

This is what happens when you move overseas and have kids. It's a massive risk.

This is correct. Everyone is trying to work out citizenships but it doesn't matter whether the children have British or Polish passports, or both, they can't leave Poland permanently unless both parents agree as they're the residents of Poland.

This is so true and not something you realise in that moment..

The will be Polish citizens after their dad but actually they are settled in Poland. They won't leave Poland if dad says no.
It would be the same in UK.

What will your partner say about the children going to live in England?

She is presumably not going to be able to work for a few years (more if she has even more children).

Given the OP has been there for years I don’t understand why she feels the need to nip back and have her babies.

I agree she should stay in Poland though

Its interesting that there isnt a clear system to see who is and who isnt eligible to healthcare. I cant get my head round it.

In Europe everyone has to have health insurance. In some instances its paid for by the goverment, like children, students, unemployed or retired people in case of my home country. Everyone has a card/EHIC to show at the doctors. If you are a tourist, you dont have the local card and arent eligible. Its easy to tell who is and who isnt.

When you husband fills in the forms, does he claim that you have moved back permanently? So you become eligible for nhs? I have no idea how immigration works. But if he pretends to have moved you here, would that help establish the children here? And make them habitual resident here? I think that would be something I would research.

While I don't blame Op for wanting to give birth with MWs who speak her first language. I do think its wrong the NHS is open to be used and abused in this way.

But there is plenty who do it. People come back to the UK after decades abroad because of the NHS.
I just don't know how you change it. Other than some sort of individual insurance scheme

Its really not unusual for single mums to work.
Think about it her oldest is 15, 11, 5, 3 and baby.
The oldest two have aged out out childcare.
But the time Op gets court agreement, divorce and leave thats the probably a year a least.
The oldest will be 16, he could potentially be going into a job or apprenticeship.

And the baby won't be far off nursery age.

It really is the height of entitlement to be living in a first world EU country for more than a decade, but pops back to the UK to deliver on account of the language. It is also ridiculous as maternity care in Poland is really very good.

That aside, I think you need to accept your choices OP. Even if your partner gave you permission to return to the UK with your 6 children, you would be condemning them to a life of poverty and deprivation. You have a completely romanticised notion of being back in England, but the realty would really be very grim indeed.

I suggest you work on life in Poland, gain fluency, meet other mums and make a social network for yourself and look into taking advantage of all the country has to offer, with a view to being able to work in a few years time.

You absolutely must get robust contraception or sterilised, because 6 kids is rarely a good idea, any more would be insanity.

I don't know if your partner is abusive, or just a bit of a macho prick shaped by a patriarchal upbringing. But you are stuck now and need to navigate your way to improving your homelife for all involved. I have no idea what that would entail as your life really does sound tough, but a bit of pragmatism and logic would be better than fantasies about living in Doncaster etc.

Op can I ask how old you were when you met him?
I just feel you must have been very young and vulnerable.