To want to move back to england with my 5 children

[tryingtogohome]

Hi sorry if this is all over the place

I live in Poland with my partner who is Polish and we have 5 boys 15 11 5 3 and 10 months and im pregnant again 25 weeks

I keep thinking about leaving him and going back to England but then i think im being stupid because ive been here so long and dont even know where id start anymore.

I dont really have anybody. No family. I grew up in care and havent spoken to anyone from my past for years and years.

Things have got worse between me and my partner. Hes always saying what a real man should be and boys shouldnt cry and things like that. My 15 year old argues with him constanly (constantly) now and the whole house feels tense all the time.

This is going to sound silly but i keep feeling like this baby is a girl and every time i say it he gets annoyed. Not shouting just annoyed and says he doesnt want a daughter and what would he do with a girl and says hopefully im wrong. Maybe im overreacting but it upsets me more than it should.

I dont know if its hormones.

I keep looking at Doncaster and Rotherham and Sheffield on my phone when everyone is asleep and then crying because i dont even know if my children could go to school there after living here all this time or where we would live.

I know people will say leave if youre unhappy but it isnt that easy when youve got this many children and no money and nowhere to go.

Am i being unreasonable wanting to go back to England or does this sound completly mad after 11 years away

I do speak Polish, not perfectly but enough for day to day things and appointments and schools etc. I didnt when i first came here but i do now.

I dont really have any friends though. I had a couple years ago but not anymore. Everyone sort of drifted away and i dont really go anywhere without the children now.
All of the children are his. They were all born in England apart from the baby who is 10 months. He came early at 31 weeks and was in hospital for a while and thats part of whats panicing me this time because im pregnant again and keep worrying the same thing will happen.

I dont know about passports off the top of my head because my head is all over the place today. The older boys definitely have British passports. I think the younger ones do as well but I'd have to check.

Something happened yesterday that i cant stop thinking about. I went out with the baby and when i got back my partner had shaved my 3 year olds hair off. He had lovely little curls and now half his head is basically shaved. He said it was only hair and he was messing about but my little boy was crying and didnt want anyone looking at him.

Maybe that sounds stupid compared to bigger problems but it really upset me. Hes only 3.

The embassy won't help. Not their job.
You eller get a number or two for charities working with families.

https://niebieskalinia.info/kontakt/pomoc-w-jezyku-angielskim/
This one is even in English so no interpreter needed.

This.

No childhood family/connections/support network ✅
Moves you to a country where you don’t fluently speak the language ✅
Saddles you with 6 children ✅
Tells you that you’re not allowed to get a job ✅
Forbidding your native language in the home ✅

Isolating you in regards to language, support networks, financial independence, and being burdened with 6 children is how he will keep you under the thumb.

Do you honestly think the benefits are important here?

Billions gets given away to refugees and asylum seekers plus billions more in overseas aid.

Supporting one extra family especially when Mum is UK citizen to claim who's has had a shit start in life and isn't going to make any difference to the benefits situation.

I think she said she popped back to the UK each time she gave birth (except once).

Yes, they are important. We should not be paying benefits to people who want to move to the UK and who have never contributed.

It sounds like she’s already cheated the country out of tens of thousands of pounds through health tourism but that’s no reason to suggest it can continue.

She’d take the entire contributions of around ten average working families if she came to the UK and was allowed to claim benefits with six children.

Please do not listen to people saying just go back to the UK. You won’t be legally allowed to take the children without his permission and the UK would return them to him in Poland. Depending on your status in Poland, you may not have residency rights without him. You could end up in a situation where the children are stuck in Poland and you don’t have the right to live there. Seek proper legal advice both on the children and your residency rights if you were to leave him.

No. She is irresponsible and selfish.

Being born in this country shouldn’t be some golden card to be a drain on our resources. You should earn the right to use our services. Having six children is crazy when you can’t support yourself and have a rocky marriage. People moan about immigrants but this is far, far worse when many immigrants want to work and contribute to society and many do and actually work for the NHS or as carers. The OP just wants to live off benefits with her many children. This is a much bigger problem for our society. And what kind of future is she offering those poor children.

And as for coming over here just to give birth. Words fail me.

Absolutely yes. I’d rather have ten asylum seekers who want to actually work and contribute than one British person who wants to bring up her six children on benefits having contributed nothing to the British taxpayer.

Well I'd rather support our own people before others.

Where does she say she doesn't want to work?
Her husband doesn't want her to work, he is trying to isolate her and keep her isolated

You are free to offer her financial support then.

This is very good advice.
As much as I think the UK should support Op it's not that simple.

Millions of Mums end up trapped in countries they don't want to be in. Because they can't get the courts to agree to let them.

I think trying to get a court to agree to a 15 year old moving country and education systems will probably be quiet hard. And the spacing of the kids she is always going to have a child in the crucial exam years. He absolutely has her trapped.

However hopefully Op you are able to find support in Poland to get away from his clutches.

If you want to move back you will need to get British passports for the children if they don’t already have them. You do need to send off all other passports in the application process I believe- my children are dual nationality and we had to do this.
In terms of coming to England how many times do we travel with our children and no questions where the father is? No one has ever asked me and my children enter Europe on their Eu passports and me on British. So technically although illegal you would most likely get away with it.

What is social security like in Poland could you get affordable accommodation if you leave your husband whilst there and then sort things from there.
I totally understand where you are coming from- I live in Europe in my husband’s home country. We have already discussed if we ever split I would take the children back to the UK- do you have any old friends you can contact?

What job do you think she will manage as a single parent with 6 kids. Maybe cleaning 10 hours a week. The rest will be paid by the ever decreasing taxpayer.

Well you know what her children won't be children forever.

I'd absolutely think the UK should support its own people, especially vulerable people who have been raised in our not very adequate care system with no family to return to.

I think what Op is saying is the tip of the iceberg. She is in an abusive controlling relationship.
He's seeked out someone young and vulnerable and persuaded her to move to another country.

At most shes 40 still child bearing age with a 15 year old so early 20s getting married with first child. Straight out the care system.

Yes the UK should support her.

@tryingtogohomecan you speak to these for assistance https://mapujpomoc.pl/placowki/centrum-wsparcia-kobiet-i-dzieci-fundacja-dla-migrantow-dobry-start-2/

@tryingtogohomelots of other organisations here https://mapujpomoc.pl/en/list-of-organizations-supporting-victims-of-violence/

And potentially she has limited or no earning capacity in the short to mid term. From what some have said, she may have accessed the NHS to give birth several times despite not being entitled to.

She is probably going to expect benefits, housing for herself and all her children, school places, GP, general NHS etc.

Not to mention how is she eligible to give birth here if non resident?
Presumably she doesn’t contribute NI in the UK so won’t be eligible for benefits.

Totally agree.

I don’t think she was supposed to be able to but did it for 4 of them (and intends to do it for the current one)

Its a failing on the NHS that people can just access it if non-resident.
And probably a good reason why ID cards arent a bad idea.

But ultimately I do think Op should try to return rather than stay in a country with a language barrier and an abusive partner.

I posted because im isolated and dont really have anyone to talk to and wanted some advice and support, not because i expected to be accused of defrauding the NHS or trying to move back to England for benefits.

Im not defrauding the NHS.

And im not sitting here plotting how to get a council house and benefits.

If that was what i cared about i wouldnt have stayed here for 11 years.

I know some people probably wont believe that but its true.

I miss home.

I miss hearing my own language all around me and understanding everything without having to think about it first.

I miss feeling like i belong somewhere.

I know England isnt perfect. Im not imagining some fantasy version of it where all my problems disappear overnight.

But it is home.

And yes i do think the boys would be happier there.

Not because England is magically better than Poland.

Because they wouldnt be growing up in a house where every other conversation seems to turn into an argument.

My oldest is angry all the time. People keep talking about school disruption but hes hardly thriving now. Hes miserable. Him and his dad can barely be in the same room together some days.

My 11 year old is starting to copy things his dad says.

Even my 5 year old has started saying boys shouldnt cry.

That isnt what i want for them.

People keep saying just separate in Poland and maybe thats what i will have to do. Im listening to that advice.

But please stop acting like im some evil woman trying to steal six children and live off the state.

I came here because i feel completely stuck and overwhelmed and dont know what to do anymore.

I thought people might understand that.

@tryingtogohome are you having your children in a private hospital in England ? I’m not trying to knock you but you don’t seem to realise that you are potentially defrauding the NHS , having a UK passport doesn’t just entitle you to care if you live in another country .

How are you planning to support yourself then in the Uk with five kids and a newborn if not on benefits?