Boy 'accidentaly' touching my daughter at school

[Starsugar]

My daughter is 11 (Yr 6) and a boy in her year has been repeatedly touching her chest, elbow, leg, bum etc and claims it is an accident. This started about a year ago and I have been in touch with the school several times. It did stop for a long while, so I thought they must have resolved it, but now he has started doing it again and I fear he had just moved on to someone else in that time. My daughter does not like it and feels he is doing it on purpose. She is quite developed for her age, has her period and it makes her feel very uncomfortable. I have no idea whether this child has issues or what his home life is like. In my mind I just assumed the school would deal with it in the best way as they know the child. The school have down played this and have said he didnt mean to do it, but it keeps happening. They said they would split them up but this obviously hasn't happened. If this was happening to me at work it would not be acceptable and I dont want my daughter to experience this. Im not sure what the next step would be here, am I getting worked up over nothing?

The boy is a deviant in the making
Op daughter doesnt go to school to be touched.
Doesn't matter if he's issues his behaviour is causing distress to a 11yr old girl .

Typical secondary school, they want to ignore it and sweep it away. You'll have to take it further unfortunately. Ask for a meeting with the headteacher and make it clear you will go further if nothing is done (police, local authoroity, etc).

This is awful for you daughter (or any child) and this boy could become a very serious risk to others if nothing is done. I'm very sorry that you're both going through this.

Thank heavens. for your dalughter's sake, you are taking this seriously. It is not accidental and it needs to stop now. Inform the police and all the school governors, stressing that the head teacher is labelling it as 'accidental' and has taken no steps to stop it.
Totally disgraceful on the part of the school, you need to escalate this immediately. Ask the governors for a copy of the school's safeguarding policy and then highlight to them what has not been done.

This is what abusers do they test boundaries. Take this further and tell the school if he touches your daughter again the police will be called . Send out a message because if you don’t others will see your daughter as an easy target . Send an E mail and get a paper trail going as evidence.

I did an online referral to social services when my daughter was assaulted at school and school were dragging their heels. Social services got back to me to let me know said child was already known to them and they are investigating.

This.
honestly it’s utterly shocking!!

This is so accurate! I initially went to school to inform them that a boy was “throttling” my reception aged DD. A few weeks later I had to collect her from school with a head full of blood because he stabbed her multiple times with a handful of sharp pencils on the head! We were then the bad guys for kicking up a fuss and nothing whatsoever happened to the perpetrator!

100% this.

Police, police, police. Not oh give the school a chance to sort it, no start putting things in writing, send an email etc etc.

While that's being fannied around with, the OPs daughter still has to go to school and face god knows what from this boy. Who knows when he may try to escalate things?

Police OP, keep your daughter off, contact useless school and tell them while you are starting the procedural stuff like official letters, governors etc the police are now involved as this is about sexual assault.

And add in the meantime she won't be going near that useless school unless there is a member of staff constantly watching that little scrote like a fucking hawk from the moment he goes through the gates till the moment he leaves.

Tell.her to punch him.on the nose and then tell everyone why she did it..............

@Starsugar I’m a governor at a primary school and echo many of the above posts.

Please email the head, chair of governors, safeguarding lead (school staff and designated governor on safeguarding) and the LADO (you can get their details from school and the local authority website) and be clear with them on one single email to all that this has been reported multiple times and nothing has been done so you are reporting it to the police. They have a duty to report this kind of behaviour too and have been remiss here if they have let it continue.

Then do report it to the police.

The fact it’s close to the end of term doesn’t matter when it comes to assault. The school still has an obligation to act and protect its pupils and ensure effective policies are in place. If they fail in their duty of care to pupils what we stage of their education, this is a massive issue and will have repercussions.

I feel for your daughter. I hope she’s ok.

.

The school have down played this and have said he didnt mean to do it, but it keeps happening.

I'm trying to imagine how this played out. The school called this boy in to speak to the Head and/or Safeguarding Lead (I'm assuming). He's said, "I didn't mean to do it, Miss" and they've just replied, "Ok, Jimmy, that's fine - run along, then."

No way did this happen repeatedly by accident.

Late to the thread but this is sexual assault/sexual harassment and he is over the age of criminal responsibility.
Someone, you or the school, should be getting the police involved.
This should, at the very least, scare him in to keeping his grubby little hands to himself.

I'm sorry your daughter had to experience this and I hope she's OK xx

Given that there is only a month or so to go before y6 leave schoool, I think your school is trying to sweep this under the carpet so it all ‘goes away’ without much action.

if I were you I’d do the opposite - nothing to lose by taking a very strong position and talking to the police for advise. Then inform the school that you are taking advise from the police. That will show them how urgently they need to act.

your daughter needs to SEE your action - so she believes you will always believe and protect her. It’s an important lesson for her - one you shouldn’t miss out on if schools were to close with nothing done about this. It’s all good to teach her to push the boy but even more important is for her to feel listened to by her parent and school.

School have not dealt with this, they are probably just counting down the days so it’s or he’s no longer their problem. I would be calling the police absolutely.

it is sexual assault, if she doesn't want the contact and it makes her uncomfortable. the school can try and down play it all they like but your daughter must come first. i would ask for the school to address it and then make it very clear if they do not resolve the issue that you will be filing a police report. that should make them buck their ideas up. i would also confront the boys parents, i feel very strongly about this as my daughter now 26 was sexually assaulted at 7 by a boy and again in seniors and was to scared to tell anyone, i hope your daughter is ok and id tell her to kick him in the balls if he did it again x

Why I sent mine to a girls only secondary.

OP, when you contact the police and the school (which will be today, right?) stop downplaying it with 'touching'. It is sexual assault (and possibly common assault when it's elbows etc - that isn't a sexual assault but makes her fear that will be his next move).

Name it.

Some words have power.

Completely agree with this, and would add: if the boy does have a SEND it is equally important to report and deal properly with. Either he needs a very clear, strong message that this is absolutely not ok, to be able to understand and learn those boundaries, and a school pushed into really working hard with him on this and properly protecting others and him from inappropriate habits, or he needs the evidence on record and the pressure on school to push for the provision he needs to keep other children safe and to keep him safe from constant trouble. He cannot just escalate as he grows into his teens, and he will end up in serious trouble. Kinder all round to make the fuss.

Your poor daughter. I pray she and this boy are not going on to the same secondary school. Because he will escalate, there is no if about it.

Rapists learn their trade at school and he is well on his way. Victims are too scared to report, and on the rare occasion they do report, boys are not punished but fawned over by well-meaning but clueless adults. Even if a boy rapist does go to court, he will get off by claiming "porn addiction". Boys learn from quite a young age that they can do whatever they want to whomever they want - just so long as they don't actually kill their victims.

What this boy needs isn't "help" or "education". What he needs is severe punishment to scare him away from ever doing it again. That won't happen of course. Do report to the police and social services so that it will be on his record but don't expect them to actually do anything to keep your daughter safe.

The only thing you can really do in this system is to teach your daughter to SCREAM the house down (maybe also buy her a rape alarm she can pull every time he touches her) so that he will consider your daughter too much of a risk and move on to an easier victim...

Give DD a netball umpires whistle.
Tell the school that she is going to blow the whistle every time the boy touches her.

Have her practice at home. That will be fun.

A screeching sound every time he touches DD should help inform the boy of when he is touching inappropriately.
It will be a great lesson in the power to veto uninvited touch for the whole year level.

My son had a problem just like this with a touchy girl in high school. We had to be persistant to get teachers and her mother to take it seriously enough to repremand her.

Same here. DS has been violently attacked at school twice this year. He's received detentions, isolation and most recently a suspension. No punishment at all for the aggressors.

A vile boy spat at my dd aged about 9 I think. The school were great. Their young male teacher came out to find me in the playground visibly upset to tell me what had happened. They took it extremely seriously. And that was a one off incident.

I'd go to the police, the school have had long enough to deal with this.

Its not remotely over the top.

I take it Pleasering is a boy mum 🙄.