Boy 'accidentaly' touching my daughter at school

[Starsugar]

My daughter is 11 (Yr 6) and a boy in her year has been repeatedly touching her chest, elbow, leg, bum etc and claims it is an accident. This started about a year ago and I have been in touch with the school several times. It did stop for a long while, so I thought they must have resolved it, but now he has started doing it again and I fear he had just moved on to someone else in that time. My daughter does not like it and feels he is doing it on purpose. She is quite developed for her age, has her period and it makes her feel very uncomfortable. I have no idea whether this child has issues or what his home life is like. In my mind I just assumed the school would deal with it in the best way as they know the child. The school have down played this and have said he didnt mean to do it, but it keeps happening. They said they would split them up but this obviously hasn't happened. If this was happening to me at work it would not be acceptable and I dont want my daughter to experience this. Im not sure what the next step would be here, am I getting worked up over nothing?

I know.

It would be so much nicer if it wasn't necessary. But if the situation has been going on for a year and the school has its head in the sand ...

Agree with this. Labelling it as sexual assault seems over the top too when the perpetrator is 10/11 years old.

Tell the school if it doesnt stop right now the police will be informed or jist get on and report the little pervert

Labelling it as sexual assault seems over the top too when the perpetrator is 10/11 years old.

Bollocks. It's assault, and it's sexual. What else would you call it?

Suggest getting everything in writing to head teacher, governors and safeguarding lead - ask for safety plan and say you will be going to the police - that is harmful sexual behaviour and your DD should never have to put up with it - if the child has issues/challenges which diminish his responsibility, that increasing the schools - safeguarding is for all kids.

Forget the school and make a complaint of sexual assault to the police. That is what is happening.

At the very least they will visit the school and the boys home to talk with his parents.

That ought to fix it and focus everyones mind.

Our daughter had an incident once and - though minor on the grand scale - we took this robust option to show that we were not putting up with any shit from fellow pupils or the school.

Testing boundaries......how long before he moves on to intimate areas, trying to touch.
I have an idea, tell her to YELL !!! FIRE!!!!!! Because THIS IS WHAT IS TAUGHT IN TRAINING COURSES AS SHOUTING HELP DOES NO GOOD.!!!!!...Good Luck !

Report it to the police. The school haven’t sorted it, so now onto the police. Your daughter should not have to put up with this. It’s not an over reaction it’s sexual assault. Police now.

Y6 teacher and safeguarding lead here. If you emailed me with what had been happening, I’d go absolutely apeshit.

This is totally unacceptable. It is sexual assault and I’d be hauling in the boy’s parents to tell them exactly what he’d been doing. Once or twice maybe accidental. More than that? Nah. Thats deliberate and I’d come down very hard on him.

Your DD deserves to feel safe and heard especially in her last few weeks of primary school.

Definitely kick up an almighty fuss with the school.

I hate the ‘boys will be boys’ bullshit. I’m having none of that in my school.

He’s not ten, he’s eleven. And have you forgotten that his victim is the same age and beginning puberty? No-one is labelling anything. It is sexual assault. It’s deliberate and repeated. How else would you describe it ? Age 10 is when criminal responsibility kicks in. No-one is suggesting sending the boy to jail, but a word from the police may be all that’s needed to stop him if the consequences are properly explained. This is unwanted touching that is clearly causing DD some distress - and it’s targeted. Just one boy. So how long do you suggest OP let it go on ? Until his hormones get the better of him and he attempts to rape her ?

Nope. Terrible way to handle it.

It would be the most effective way, but counter productive due to consequences.

Once is an accident. Several times is predatory. I would write down a list of every date, time and what happened. Record keeping is important. I would report it to the police as well. You priority is to safeguard your child. Id probably remove her for the rest if the school year. You'll never forgive yourself if you leave her there and more of the same happens.

I would raise it one more time with school, in writing to DSL, but make it very clear that you will be making a formal complaint and involving the police if they continue to allow your daughter to be sexually assaulted in their care.

Go into school tomorrow and kick off, if you don’t stand up for your daughter now she’ll accept poor behaviour from men, also someone needs to correct this boy!

I would give the school one week to sort it. If they don't then go to the police.

Write a strongly worded email to the head teacher laying out all the facts and say if action is not taken you will involve the police as it is sexual assault as she has not consented to being touched.

This, but with a very short time limit for their response. They can fuck around for ages and say they're taking action. Use the phrase sexual assault, because that's what it is. That, and the word police should make them sit up and take notice.

I see your DD is in Year 6 - are they hoping to ride this one out? Don't let them. It's important that your DD knows you have her back.

Yabu for not doing more about this!!

A year?! Ffs, I would have reported it to the police/the governors/formal complaint by now.

I would just escalate it now, they've had a year and done FA.

Yes yes yes log this with the police now.

Your daughter needs to know and see that you are doing everything to protect her. If you err on the side of caution it should be for over reporting rather than under reporting.

Reporting to the police is a must regardless of the school’s actions as a repeated offences have taken place, as in exactly as you say if it happens in a work place it would be reportable. I also say this in case the school decides to penalise your daughter or somehow convinces her to keep it quiet even from you. Just like some HR in the workplace schools maybe more concerned with their reputation rather than the children…I’ve hear some poor handling of bullying over the years.

Your priority is your child. She’s confided in you many times of physical abuse and if you have asked the school to act many times. Now she and quite frankly all abused children need to see that their parents acts for them instead of worrying about perceptions of anyone else. Preventive is always best and all!

Bizarrely, my experience is that schools are like the Wild West, and behaviour which would bring a criminal conviction of assault in real life, are allowed to continue, often with the perpetrator being labelled as the victim somehow!

It is sexual assault . If the boy is over 10 then I believe he is above the age of criminal responsibility. Unless he has very severe learning difficulties which mean he does not understand boundaries then he knows exactly what he is doing. I would be contacting your local police and asking to speak to an officer who specialises in child protection and sexual offences.

Straight to the DSL and cc in the Governor responsible for safeguarding. I’d want a meeting, next steps in writing and then make it clear that I plan to escalate with a single repeating episode. Zero tolerance does apply here for me.