AIBU to ask my mum to cancel her holiday hotel booking?

[MammaBear4000]

Booked a weeks holiday with my 7yo son (I have more AL than husband). We've got a week away at the start of the summer holidays I was looking forward to.

Sent a message to the family group chat saying 'first solo holiday with [my son] 🥳' thinking nothing of it. Mum asked where I was going so sent her a link to the hotel.

She's now booked the same holiday (solo room). Sent me a message saying was it ok (i'm working and can't respond straight away...but I would have said it's my first mum and son solo holiday and was looking forward to it). Before I had the chance to reply she booked it.

She fucking booked it within 4 mins of sending the original message.

Now here's were the AIBU part comes in. I want to ask her to cancel (she will lose money on this). Last year she joined a week away with me and my son and completely ruined the holiday. I don't want that to happen again and I can't bear the idea of no buffer and her being with us for a week in the same hotel. We have separate rooms but she won't leave us alone I know that.

Sorry, I missed your last response when I replied previously. Oh, dear, I doubt that is going to work. I can't see you enjoying it, @MammaBear4000. Even if you manage to get away from her during the day you will be wound up each morning and night, surely? Honestly, in your shoes, I would suck up the extra cost and re-book elsewhere rather than effectively lose all the money in a ruined holiday. And I would be very tempted not to tell her. I'd be absolutely furious that she refused to cancel when you've asked her. What kind of person insists on being on holiday with people who have reasonably asked to be alone? I'm very sorry you have such an insensitive mother.

What a weird thing to do. Having said that my mum did a similar thing a few years ago.

Invited her for a few days at our house, something like 15th-19th Dec. She only went and booked train tickets for 15th-28th. 2 weeks?! With a woman I can't stand and is selfish af. Plus I had other plans, obviously what with it being Xmas. Had no qualms about telling her to cancel.

You don't tell people who you know you've booked a holiday?

Good for you. Are you still in contact?

@MammaBear4000 how old is ds? Can you not get a cheap caravan somewhere instead? Or see if you can alter the dates? She's beyond cheeky.

This is very unfortunate and I think your DM is being a CF. However it sounds like she is going to be there, whether you like it or not. My advice is to not modify your plans in any way to accomodate her. If she complains, tell her that she wasn't invited in the first place.

Yeah @cantthinkofagoodusername2026 the OP needs to modify her plans by changing where she and her son are staying. (And NOT telling her mother!)

@TheDenimPoet "Do you not tell your family when you book a holiday? It's called chatting, and being interested in each other's lives? You sound horrendously fun."

I personally don't feel the need to tell my family about my every move, no. I would only tell certain members if my absence would impact them in some way or if I was going for a long time and they might be worried. Or maybe if the destination was of particular interest them. But other than that, why would my middle aged brother want to know when and where I was going for week's holiday, or vice versa. If social media didn't exist, would I write my bro and SIL a letter just to announce my week in Butlins in October? I very much doubt it.

I'd cancel and re arrange for you and your boy. I'd take the hit money wise since there is no price on your time with your son, and you will be raging every minute you are in the same resort/hotel as your mad mother!

She can arrange to bring a friend and go ahead and enjoy her holiday without you.

Only possible solution, and it's one I wouldn't hesitate to take.

What do you mean that told her you have the wrong hotel information but she’s having none of it? She thinks you’re lying?

I am absolutely delighted for you. I said something similar under a different name years and years ago so I’m glad a similar message reached you.

Yes it’s life changing. (Mine was from my friends experience with partner not parents, but v similar lightbulb moment for her).

Could you compromise and suggest that she only comes for 1 or 2 nights?

Don’t try to trick her with the ‘I sent you the wrong hotel’ nonsense.
You have to be straight and fair and honest. Take the emotion out of it.

‘Thanks for asking if you could book to join us but I wish you had waited for my response which would have been negative, as you surely must have guessed.
We all agree that it really didn’t work last time you did the same thing.
So please, either cancel your booking or invite somebody to join you so that Alfie and I can do our own thing, completely separately, without a having to suffer a repeat of last year. Nothing personal mum, but I do feel strongly about this.
I regret sending my original message, as it has led to this confusion’

After your previous experience I'm surprised you weren't more careful about oversharing on this occasion. You'll probably upset her, she may not cancel, if she does you may have to give her something towards the cost..
Next time keep quiet

I'd do whatever I could to go to a different place.

She's got a real nerve - sending someone a link isn't saying "Come on my holiday with me" ffs.

I'd rather have it out with her now when you have the support of your husband at home than wait until you're on a miserable holiday with her.

I am only now trying hard to learn from things that other people do that cause me angst... and that I could have designed out.

Bite lip when family say things that show they know nothing because they do not listen to anything I've been saying or sharing all along. So I stop 'saying and sharing', so I'm not in that position again.

In hindsight, you shouldn't have sent the link. One to learn from for next time.

Maybe compromise with her and say that your welcome to meet up during the holiday but will be doing some excursions alone with your son. Hope she can appreciate that.

No, I wouldn’t do that. I’d avoid her at all costs. Not even one meal at the hotel restaurant.

I think gate crashing someone’s holiday is worse!! OP couldn’t do that anyway as I’m sure she’d lose money too.

Never send her the link. Next time, either go quiet or say "cant remember "

I think your wording, first solo holiday with my son, makes it sound as though you didn't want it to be a solo trip.

How do you think the 'celebrating ' emoji fits that narrative?

I wouldn’t ask her, l would tell her. Or cancel. She sounds mental

I had this years ago with a family member on a very long haul flight that I had booked just for me and the one child I had then. They messaged me asking the plan and i like a buffoon forwarded the email straight to this family member who went and booked it also and I had to spend 5 weeks around them. Thankfully I knew people over there and we had other family but never ever again will I give info like that out freely.

I think you need to just tell your mum that you and your son are looking forward to one on one time and you will not be entertaining her. Remind her of the previous holiday. If she insists on going still I dont know what you can do but try your best to put her off as much as you can asap.

if you don’t want family joining you on holiday don’t tell them where you’re going until the 11th hour. Simples