AIBU to ask my mum to cancel her holiday hotel booking?

[MammaBear4000]

Booked a weeks holiday with my 7yo son (I have more AL than husband). We've got a week away at the start of the summer holidays I was looking forward to.

Sent a message to the family group chat saying 'first solo holiday with [my son] 🥳' thinking nothing of it. Mum asked where I was going so sent her a link to the hotel.

She's now booked the same holiday (solo room). Sent me a message saying was it ok (i'm working and can't respond straight away...but I would have said it's my first mum and son solo holiday and was looking forward to it). Before I had the chance to reply she booked it.

She fucking booked it within 4 mins of sending the original message.

Now here's were the AIBU part comes in. I want to ask her to cancel (she will lose money on this). Last year she joined a week away with me and my son and completely ruined the holiday. I don't want that to happen again and I can't bear the idea of no buffer and her being with us for a week in the same hotel. We have separate rooms but she won't leave us alone I know that.

Your mother is incredibly rude, but I fear your holiday will be spent dodging her unless you tell her bluntly you didn’t invite her, don’t want her and will not spend time with her if she turns up. I assume this boundary busting behaviour is the tip of the iceberg with this woman.

She did this last year. Why on earth did you send that message to the family group chat? Especially with the name of the hotel!

The definition of insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome.

You are completely unreasonable for the group chat message.

You are not unreasonable for being angry and not wanting your mother to stalk you.

Seriously though she has form, just why?

Editing to add - sorry, I hadn't read all the updates and see last time it was a planned joint holiday rather than exactly the same thing. Lesson learned this time then, as you say. Don't tell her your schedule or she'll plan to shadow it!

Not a weirdo. It’s OPs Mum. She did overstep but maybe was well meant. Wanted to spend time with her DD and DGS so got carried away. From her perspective maybe didn’t occur to her she isn’t wanted or welcome.

Know I’ll get a pile on for saying it too but for those of us who’ve lost their Mum’s do think jeez oh, life is too short so option to make the best of it too and not overshare next time.

For this Mum not the consensus I know but do think about the hurt she’ll feel being told to cancel which, just my view be worse than seeing her couple of hours a day and doing own thing with DS other times.

Perhaps you missed what happened last holiday

Why the hell did u send a link on the family group??! Keep things private in future till you have got back from said holiday. Especially since mum has form for holidaying with you in the past, and u saying she ruined it !

Ask her ‘what part of 'first solo holiday with [my son] 🥳' did you take as an invitation?’ , and be very clear with her that she has overstepped a boundary.

So she ruined the last holiday and you sent her the link to the next one???

And for the people saying ‘why did you share a link?’, that’s not the issue. It’s not normal to go ahead and book yourself on to someone’s holiday without discussing it with them.

Nope, didn’t miss that. If it’s not one thing it’s your Mother. In same way OP keen to spend time with DS, could be her Mum keen to spend time with them. I doubt she booked thinking she would be unwelcome and unwanted. It’s an overstep and annoying but to ask her to cancel now be extremely hurtful especially as OP scored an own goal oversharing. Each to their own but I couldn’t do that to someone.

I'd just be very blunt and say 'I thought from the fact I clearly said solo holiday it was obvious I didn't want to share it. Unfortunately this is still the case so feel free to still go but me & DS will be doing our own thing as I originally planned and I don't intend for you to be a part of this, it's a shame you didn't actually wait for a response as I would have told you this'
She's relying on you to just roll over and accommodate her, why would you when the last holiday with her was horrible?

You know she won't give you space and you'll be on edge the whole time.... Unfortunately this holiday is ruined before you even get there.

Tell her you have a plan for each day and you won’t be adapting it as the whole point of the holiday is to spend time doing things alone with DS so she will possibly see you for some dinners but you can’t make any promises.

Sorry you’re in a tough situation OP! Your mother sounds like mine - narcissistic personality. Others who judge you don’t have similar mothers, and don’t understand it’s very difficult having a mother like this, whose behaviour is entirely self centered but they’ll never see it as such and somehow you’ll always be the bad guy!. Just learn from this one and try and get through the holiday by being busy with your child.

This mother put her grandchild at great risk and then screamed at the OP in response

there are mothers, and then there are mothers like this

The saucy mare has hijacked your holiday and it’s her who’s having none of it?? I think it might be time to lay down some very firm boundaries with your mum and remind her that you are an independent adult and not someone she can bend to her will anymore.

I’d send her a message saying that you’re really shocked that she thought it was an acceptable thing to do, especially after the events of last year confirmed that you were not compatible travelling companions and that you’d tried to drop a hint about the wrong hotel so as not to hurt her feelings, but as she’s chosen to ignore you, you have no choice but to be blunt. Tell her that you think she should either cancel or invite a companion to join her because you will be spending your days alone with your DS and will not be available for meals or day trips or days around the pool. Tell her that you’re disappointed in her and that you expected better behaviour from her.

And then never share your location with anyone beyond the country. My DH’s relatives do this sort of thing. You think you’re having a casual conversation about holiday plans and next thing you know, some twat in a sombrero is standing next to you at the bar presenting it as a done deal that you’ll be spending the next two weeks with them in a beach bar somewhere. It makes me so relieved we can’t afford to go abroad!

No hinting, not “you’re welcome to come but…”

Tell her bluntly that you don’t want her to come. That you were looking forward to it being solo, hence the 🥳

Tell her that if she’d waited for an answer you’d have told her. Nothing personal (you can say if you want to soften it) you just want to be you and your son.

This.

Group what’s app are the devil 😈 delete all