AIBU to ask my mum to cancel her holiday hotel booking?

[MammaBear4000]

Booked a weeks holiday with my 7yo son (I have more AL than husband). We've got a week away at the start of the summer holidays I was looking forward to.

Sent a message to the family group chat saying 'first solo holiday with [my son] 🥳' thinking nothing of it. Mum asked where I was going so sent her a link to the hotel.

She's now booked the same holiday (solo room). Sent me a message saying was it ok (i'm working and can't respond straight away...but I would have said it's my first mum and son solo holiday and was looking forward to it). Before I had the chance to reply she booked it.

She fucking booked it within 4 mins of sending the original message.

Now here's were the AIBU part comes in. I want to ask her to cancel (she will lose money on this). Last year she joined a week away with me and my son and completely ruined the holiday. I don't want that to happen again and I can't bear the idea of no buffer and her being with us for a week in the same hotel. We have separate rooms but she won't leave us alone I know that.

Can you change your booking to somewhere else and just not tell her?

Lesson learned to be vague when askes where you're going and not literally send a link?!

She shouldn't have booked it but I doubt she'll cancel.
Does she know you were very unhappy last time?
She's definitely overstepped but it sounds like that might be her personality...?

Well you have two options:

1. She asked if it was ok, so you respond "actually mum it's not ok, do you mind leaving me and DS to it? We're really looking forward to it being just the two of us. We'll have our holiday with you later in the year!"
2. Say "oh sorry mum, I got it wrong, it's a different hotel actually but no worries, I'm really looking forward to a solo holiday with DS" and then don't tell her where!!!

Yes change your booking. And stop telling her so much until afterwards

Also, if she moans that she'll lose money cancelling then you say "well you booked it 4 minutes after sending me the message, so you should have waited to hear from me first!"

Why did you feel the need to announce it?

You actually sent her the link! I think though you've no option but to say it's not ok as she ruined last years.

You didn't learn your lesson after last year? You should have kept quiet, only telling people a day or 2 before departing.

You can ask her to cancel but she may well say no if she faces losing money. You played this badly tbh!

I got a really good deal last min on the booking and won't get anywhere near as nice. As a side note, we're also booking our family holiday for the last two weeks of the summer holidays and i don't want to creep into that budget as it won't be fair on my husband.

I must say that I'm not surprised that she took you sending the link as an invitation to book there herself. Specially as she has form.

I just thought she was being nosey and wanted to see where we had booked (which is usual) and was in a family grouo chat.

She didn't book separately last year as an FYI. We had a weeks holiday (planned and booked by me) and was awful for us all so I really didn't think she would book on again. I take the point the link might have seemed like an invitation. Absolutely kicking myself!

Ah what a shit situation!
Can you say “oh I didn’t expect you’d be doing that. Me and son have plans for every day, we’ll be catching buses/taxes to places he’ll enjoy as it would be one of our last holidays, just the two of us” HINT HINT

How did she ruin the last holiday?

Did you have it out with her at the time? Does she know how pissed off you were?

What a weird thing to say?!
Surely it’s not unusual to tell family members you’ve booked a holiday?

I can’t believe someone would do that and don’t think I know anyone who would take sharing a link as an open invitation!

Why was it awful? Can it be different this time or was it her personality rather than a specific issue?

I would message and say that it will be a lovely relaxing week for her, sitting by the pool sunbathing, will probably see her at some point during the holiday for a meal or two as you and son have made plans to do various activities/days out, and you don't want to disappoint your son by changing the plans.

I feel your pain, been there done that before with parents on holiday never ever again, and now I'm a grandparent I'm dreading the day they ask would we like to go with them, as my memories of those times are a disaster.

Good luck

I'd reply "wtf mum no! I've just said its a solo holiday for me and .... Why would you gatecrash it without even asking first? We'll be doing our own thing, I'm looking forward to spending time alone with .... So hope you enjoy your solo holiday."

You know you don't have to be polite to rude people right? You don't have to treat on eggshells and choose your words carefully when someone shows no regard for you at all.

If she says "that's rude!" You say "not as rude as booking to gatecrash someone else's holiday without asking first."

Bit cruel!

You both annonuced it and sent her on the link. If last year was a disaster this was just silly of you !
Not sure why you're complaining now as it's your own fault . Use some common sense !

You are a bit limited on your choices now the horse has already bolted.
Could you actually tell her she is not welcome?

Bit of a difference between telling someone you’re going on holiday and sending the direct link though!

That’s horrible!

Harsh but true

I think you have to be honest and point out you were really looking to this holiday with your DS. If she kicks off and ends up coming, make it clear you want plenty of time with your DS - if she then insists on doing everything with you, start going down to breakfast at a different time arranged, get yourselves out early (leaving a note under her door, saying you've already gone out, hope she has a nice day!).

No, she knows that sending the link wasn't an invitation because she messaged you asking if it was ok.

She's relying on having made it too awkward for you to say no.