AIBU to ask my mum to cancel her holiday hotel booking?

[MammaBear4000]

Booked a weeks holiday with my 7yo son (I have more AL than husband). We've got a week away at the start of the summer holidays I was looking forward to.

Sent a message to the family group chat saying 'first solo holiday with [my son] 🥳' thinking nothing of it. Mum asked where I was going so sent her a link to the hotel.

She's now booked the same holiday (solo room). Sent me a message saying was it ok (i'm working and can't respond straight away...but I would have said it's my first mum and son solo holiday and was looking forward to it). Before I had the chance to reply she booked it.

She fucking booked it within 4 mins of sending the original message.

Now here's were the AIBU part comes in. I want to ask her to cancel (she will lose money on this). Last year she joined a week away with me and my son and completely ruined the holiday. I don't want that to happen again and I can't bear the idea of no buffer and her being with us for a week in the same hotel. We have separate rooms but she won't leave us alone I know that.

I would email your hotel and ask whether they have any sister hotels you could possibly change to or would the fall out with your mum be too much? I really feel for you. Did you ask her why she has booked it when the last holiday together didn't go well? Why would she still want to go through with it when she knows how upset you are or is she just hoping it will be lovely? My mum is similar and the last holiday pushed me over the edge. She is no longer welcome. It had been a very long time coming though. Does she generally just stream roll over you?

Why did she ruin the last holiday ? Spill the beans.....
X

I agree! I'd missed that update!

Your mothers behaviour is not normal. The fact that she has done this and all the swearing at you when she put your child in danger suggests a wider pattern of her being a bit of an overbearing / narcissistic dick really.

Sadly I think you will need to piss her right off to make the point. Tell her clearly that you want a holiday alone with your dc and it wasn't an invite. If you cam afford it see if you can change your accommodation and ignore her for the entire trip.

Hopefully the hotel won't give out your room number. Up and out early every day.

Or call her out pm hen family chat. Mention some issues from the last trip as in she nearly killed your ds...

Awkward!
I think what it boils down to is would telling her to cancel cause a major fallout and would you be ok with that?

Someone is going to be unhappy here. Make sure it's not you.

You have to say "I do not want you there. I want you to cancel your booking." And then deal with the fall out. Nothing less will get though. That might not even work.

You were mad to tell her the exact dates and hotel name. People don't do that.

I doubt she'll cancel if she'll lose money.

Bit daft to lie about the hotel though!

Well she's asked so probably best to tell her that after the last time being so awful of course you don't want to holiday with her.

If you can't change it seems you'll have to avoid her as much as you can.

Would that be possible where you are going?

Even if it cost me another £200 I’d be phoning / emailing the agent it was booked with and asking to move to another hotel in the same area. She’ll be on your transfer, at meals, by the pool… I couldn’t stick that when I knew that I just wanted solo time with my child. I have a solo trip booked with my eldest child (to celebrate her finishing primary school) and I would be utterly miffed if my mum or anyone else booked flights and the same hotel to just tag along! I’d definitely change my hotel. They need to learn boundaries.

I agree. There's no point trying to pretend it's the wrong hotel, or hoping you'll be able to avoid her.

If she won't cancel her hotel, then you're going to have check if you're able to switch accommodation. If that's not possible you need to consider whether paying extra for a different hotel is a price worth paying to save your holiday.

Stop telling them everything.

I’d definitely change my booking, even if it means dipping to other budget. You need to nip this overstepping in the bud.

Tell her no. She won't get it otherwise. Mine doesn't get it even when I say no. Calls the hotel to rearrange rooms to be directly next to me when I want anything but that etc. You're going to spend your holiday extremely stressed, and unable to enjoy it. I'd ask her not to come, or say if she does, you won't be spending time with her. What she did was very manipulative.

100% if you feel you can’t use the hotel facilities or have meals there without running into her, what kind of joy will there be?

“Mum, to be honest this is a bit awkward but I need to let you know. I hope you understand and know that I love you. I had booked this trip as a solo trip with my child and was really excited about that. Bonding time just the two of us. It was something I was really looking forward to. I found the dynamic last year on our holiday very difficult at times and I’m sure you found it a bit stressful too at times. I really don’t think that you coming on this trip is a great idea and if you had waited for me to answer when you asked me if it was okay, I would’ve said “Thank you for the thought but I’d really rather you didn’t book. I just want it to be me and X”

“Could you possibly get some kind of a refund, or change your accommodation? This could end up being an awful trip for everyone. I hope you understand.”

It’s a bit U to ask her to cancel and lose money, as she’s done this before then you shouldn’t have said anything!!

Can you not offer to pay her cancellation fee for the "misunderstanding"?

No, it absolutely isn’t ’on her’. She has behaved normally. Her mother has not.

I think you’re going to have to stand up to her and be firm that you are not seeing her, this is time for you and your son, while away you’re as good as strangers.

Next time keep it a secret!

She has overstepped big time needs to learn some boundaries.
Just tell her mum i want to go on my own with my son its why I said a solo holiday .
I don't want anyone else with us.
Just tell her x

Call the hotel. Plead family funeral or similar and ask if you can change the dates. The best they will probably do is offer credit unless you can pull your son out of school early and go ahead of your mother.

Or you can suck it up as to be honest you pretty much sleep walked into this.

I agree with this entirely. It’s really not ok, it’s such an overstep to just book onto someone’s holiday. Very disrespectful of you as an adult, she really should have had your permission first to join your holiday.

It is ok to explain as you said, it was booked as your first solo trip with son & you will not spend time with her on it, even if she goes.

If you don’t do this, it’ll bother you & affect your special time & she’s very likely to do it again

Sending a link to show someone where you’re going on holiday is not an invitation join them!! I’m so surprised at the number of people blaming OP here.

I have adult kids and if they told me they were going away and I asked where and received a link to the hotel, there is no way in a thousand years I would book myself a place there!! Not without an explicit conversation where they invited me. And even then I would double check that’s what they wanted because it would be more than understandable for them to want a holiday on their own.

OP your mum is unbelievably pushy - I wouldn’t concern myself with upsetting her if you have to be firm as she clearly has the hide of a rhino!

Either she will be upset or you will be upset - choose her to be upset as you've done nothing wrong.