AIBU to expect vegan guests to avoid preaching at shared meals?

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I’m a flexitarian. Meaning I have a mostly plant focused diet. But if invited to, say, a work event or a wedding or to dinner at my oldest friend’s parents house, I’ll eat a lot of salad, potatoes, and bread. Maybe even a bit of their chicken or beef roast to not cause offense or awkwardness. So, that’s my choice. I have long term dear friends who are vegans. I respect that. But I want them to contribute an appropriate dish to share with everyone if it’s that’s so important to them. That said, I think they should just eat and shut up. Do what works for them and leave other people alone. Judging and preaching at
your host and other people is bad manners. No matter how passionate you are, there’s no need for that. You don’t persuade people by bullying them. Am I wrong?

Wow, how original and hilarious.

What is telling about your post is the way you have generalised your complaint. You didn't ask about a specific incident caused by individual people, you asked about "vegan guests". The implication is that all vegan guests act in a particular way. Your strange prejudice shines through.
Ask your vegan guests how often they get questioned, challenged, mocked, and insulted. You might be surprised. Like people who choose not to drink alcohol, it hits a nerve with others that says more about them, than the teetotaller or vegan.

Not very dtrong principles if you renege on them on a whim. Far more irritating than being vegetarian/vegan. Especially for a host.

Oh, I know that. I should have said ‘you want to be vegetarian’ or ‘your inclination is to be vegetarian’.

ETA - I didnt see all the other pages when I posted the below.

"Flexitarian" Why do people need to jump on the band wagon and give themselves a label when they eat all the food groups? 🤣

Anyway, as a Veggie (trying but failing to become vegan) were your friends preaching or were they being goaded?

Some non-vegans are dicks and think winding up non meat eaters is a sport in which case your friends may not be unreasonable to go into details. I don't care what other people eat and have never commented on their/my diet but I've still had people think it's hilarious to make chicken noises while eating or talk about how "delicious flesh tastes" (actually quote) and describe it in detail while we're eating just to try to get a stir out of me.

Equally some vegans are just dicks and think it's OK to criticise people's food choices and try to upset them. They exist but are less common than people like to think.

I am vegetarian. Most of my meals but not all are vegan therefore I describe myself as vegetarian. Not once have I or any of my veggie/vegan friends preached. But without fail when I am eating out if there is someone in the group that hasn't eaten out with me before they ALWAYS ask why I don't eat meat or fish, or say I didn't know you were veggie. I wouldn't eat meat or fish out of politeness but I would inform the host in advance and ask if that makes things awkward for them. Never been asked to bring my own food with me. Most people seem more than capable of doing a meal where it is easy to do alongside a non veggie option. When I host I ask in advance whether there is anything someone can't or won't eat and I don't then cook it for them.

And you're not evangelising about meat eating? Hypocrite.

Isn't it just. Of course they tell you because there is always someone who has to ask you why you aren't eating meat

Flexitarian = omnivore
people have been omnivores for millennia
wanky title makes people like the op feel speshul
And they reckon vegans are wanker 🤣🤣

This!!

Oh god yes! I don't drink and I'm veggie. Other people's diets are their business, I dont care and would never comment on them unless someone is stupidly drunk. However the amount of people who think it's OK to mock me for not drinking or start negatively commenting about my food choices is mad!

Luckily the not drinking is becoming less of an issue these days but the veggie/vegan thing still seems to put people on the attack.

I rarely go out to eat with people I don't know so well now because I cant be bothered discussing why I'm having the grey risotto (always risotto!) when there are so many other choices.

Preaching or just defending themselves?
My ex was vegetarian, i'm going back 30 years so it wasn't uncommon but not as usual as now. He never made a thing of it, until one day we went to a family 'bring a plate' lunch - my mum told me to bring deserts & said my aunt was on 'vege' savoury detail. Aunt turned up with - i kid you not - thinly sliced ham and salmon. Ex looked awkward and asked if my mum had any cheese, Aunt took umbrage so he did explain - politely - why neither things were suitable.
I've a couple of vegan friends who've also had meal companions doing the 'a bit of tuna's not going to kill you' thing.
So it definitely cuts both ways.

Can he have wafer thin ham Barbara? 🤣

Op, why are these people your "dear friends" when you don't seem to like them?

need the ha ha emoji back

[Missing point of thread] I'm always interested in the way that people don't like labels like 'flexitarian', and want to split people up into proper vegans/vegetarians (scrupulous) and everyone else. Surely if what we care about is animal welfare, and we think that the less meat everyone eats, the less animal suffering there will be, then all reductions in meat eating are positive? In which case, we should encourage reductions in meat eating, and praise people for being flexitarian for example, but instead the tendancy is to kind of shame them for trying to label themselves, and tell them that they should just accept that they are normal meat-eaters.
There is a kind of different sort of motivation I guess for being vegetarian/vegan which is about keeping your own body pure, and I can see that purity might be defiled by any meat at all.
But if we care about animal welfare, then it works incrementally - eating less meat would produce less animal suffering (and less environmental cost), and should be encouraged. Why is it mocked?

Flexitarian 😂

I am vegan and so sick of meat eaters going on about how tender or juicy their meat is when going out for dinner and the I better order extra to even things out, mmm bacon, how can you not eat meat, you are weird ha ha ha comments.

I try to steer dinner conversation away from food as it’s much easier for me than have the typical comments from colleagues or in some cases family members or friends of friends. But yes if pushed eventually I will explain why I’m vegan and my diet aims to cause the minimum amount of suffering unlike theirs.

And the processed food argument 🤦‍♀️ it’s like there is no way to be vegan except by eating a diet only containing processed foods whilst at the same time, there are absolutely no UPFs in the supermarket that aren’t vegan and no forms of meat are actually classed as a carcinogen.

Is the Op American? Just looking at the time of posts. Most veggies here don’t preach , a bit out of date that idea. And most meat eaters would not expect a veggie to eat meat as some sort of weird example of good manners.

because if you eat meat, you eat meat regardless of how much meat you eat. If you also eat cereals, fruit and vegetables and so on, then you are an omnivore. The reason doesn't matter, same as the reason someone is vegan or vegetarian doesn't matter. Personally I don't want to divide people by diet type, don't care what other people eat or why unless I am catering for them.

goodness you must socialise with weird people

Well he or she is a bit odd, regardless of their nationality.

Don’t worry-this is Mumsnet. Nobody EVER invites anyone to their house. And if they see anyone approaching, they turn off all the lights and hide behind the sofa.

An appropriate dish to share with everyone can be vegan, and if I know some guests are vegan I will ensure that I also provide some vegan food, and that it's clearly marked in some way, and provided with separate serving utensils. It's not difficult. However, if guests were being preachy, self-righteous or rude about other's diets, they wouldn't get invited again. I have vegan and veggie friends and it's never been a problem. I most certainly wouldn't be offended if they declined meat or dairy/egg based courses at my house.

From a preacher maybe?