Would you report neighbour?

[racetothebar]

I am retired now so I am home all day but it’s been a while since I have had any children around but I used to be a childminder and found it exhausting, we went for walks in the woods, to the park, to the shops, we did messy play, painting, crafting, play doe and sand, read books and sang songs and I remember it being quite full on though this was 20 years ago.
My neighbour is at home all day with her little one who I’d say is almost 2 if not already.
She has no nets so unintentionally I can see into her living room from my bedroom which I sit in a lot as it’s sunny and I like to read by the window.
I notice she sits on the sofa looking at her phone almost all day and the little one just plays by himself, he has the telly on and she doesn’t play with him, doesn’t talk to him or look at him and he spends all day playing on the floor by himself.
Occasionally she will sit in the garden when the weather is nice with a full bottle of wine and put a few toys on the lawn while she sits on the lounger chair music in ears on staring at her phone.
The little boy is just playing by himself and she will drink the full bottle and then they’ll go in.
I hear the little one crying from about 6:30-7 so presumably she has put him to bed and he’s crying himself to sleep.

I don’t know them so haven’t spoken to them previously but I did see the mum and toddler in the local convenience store and said hello to the boy and mum said he doesn’t say anything yet.
I feel so sad that he spends all day watching tv and playing on the floor on his own while his mum ignores him on the sofa head in phone, I’ve no idea what she does but it’s constant.
No wonder he can’t talk if he’s never interacted with.

I have never seen anyone go to the house, she’s a very socially awkward and keeps herself to herself.
She has a husband but he leaves early and comes home late so it’s just the two of them all day.

Would you report for neglect?

I really do hope that you report her and have to admit that you've been stalking her so thr police can charge you for stalking @racetothebar

Wow; where to start.

It isn’t up to the OP to befriend this person. I do think that she should stop curtain twitching.

As for ND, please educate yourself. People are born with it and even if they weren’t, why do people like you always think that all ND people claim benefits. My mother was very involved in parenting me yet when I was 50 I was diagnosed with AUDHD

Chances are that the benefits ship has sailed as presumably the mother doesn’t work.

@Anarchy99 , the OP seems concerned so befriending the mother was a suggestion of a way she might help. I actually believe there are genuinely neurodivergent individuals however there are also a lot of children who aren’t adequately parented, I see it all the time and it’s so sad, everyone glued to a screen and no conversation even around a dinner table. The result turns up in doctor’s offices and in fact there has been a very recent survey of GP’s highlighting the massive over diagnosis of neurodivergence when the real problem is poor parenting. It’s a golden ticket to benefits though.
The GP I know very well confirms this alongside how recently everyone’s bad backs have miraculously improved however all these people are now suffering with mental health issues. The internet is awash with people advising exactly what to say in order to obtain PIP. The nation will run out of people to pay for all this tawdry scrounging eventually as those that are honest and decent start to wonder why they bother.

I would raise a concern with your local health visiting service, just a polite email into the service and if they are able to find the child with the information you give them they could always see if there is any previous concerns and possibly flag child's 2yr development review to be completed earlier in the timeframe and that way give mother an opportunity to unload if she wishes re mental health, remind about local children centres and groups who knows she may just need someone to talk too.

It is very clear the first 5 years of a child development are crucial so fingers crossed things improve for the little one

So you are talking about false diagnosis? Or is it benefits? Or what? Like I was diagnosed in middle age and have been economically active since I was 17 years old without a break.

I think the mother sounds a bit useless but imagine how she will feel knowing some nosey woman over the road has been observing them daily.

If there is a concern then social services surely? Or NSPCC?

The HV isn’t going to do anything at a stranger’s say so, surely? She may already be engaging with services (although the OP seems fairly sure of her movements 24/7 so who knows)

This, OP I think you need a hobby!

She sounds hopeless, but not at the level SS would get involved. Plenty of useless parents around.

You seem to spend more time watching them then you do reading your book . So clearly you are in just as much as her . How do you know she isn’t working on her phone .

@Anarchy99 , to be very clear I do think some people are genuinely neurodivergent and I have no problem at all with any help they get but what was described by the OP was a type of parenting which I see so much of and actually I see adults out and just ignoring each other as they scroll on their phones. Last year my husband and I holidayed in Africa (we’re retired now and trying to see the world). We stayed in a hotel overlooking Victoria Falls, the views were magnificent from the dining balcony from where you could also see the zebra, giraffes, antelopes etc which wandered freely in the hotel grounds; on occasion there were African performers there too. It was absolutely stunning and magical, the sunsets were breathtaking. There was a young couple who dined each night at about the same time as us and they didn’t ever speak to each other but just scrolled on their phones, it was incredibly sad to witness. We also enjoy IKOS holidays where we see many families sitting at dinner and the children are on their iPads while their parents ignore them. The evidence against children in particular’s use of screens is overwhelming and its connection to behaviour consistent with neurodivergence well documented. I think the diagnosis these children may receive is erroneous as opposed to false and it leads to benefits which the country is struggling to afford but the real tragedy is that it labels these children who potentially see themselves as disabled and then may go on to a lifetime of benefit dependency.
On another point, I think life is terribly stressful these days and parents under a lot of pressure which has not helped this situation.
Given that we have differing views I have appreciated the tone of your responses which at least have allowed me to try and explain where I’m coming from. Thanks.

OP hasn't had the time to come back and reply to pages of answers, maybe ehe cant tear herself away from spying on her neighbour.

IF this is genuine, why not go round, introduce yourself, and try to help the mum and the little boy you are so concerned about.
Reporting her to SS would be the last thing on my mind.

How do you know what she does in the garden?

How do you ever get to finish reading a book?

If you were my mother, I'd be seriously concerned about your behaviour.

Totally missing the point but what's the layout of the houses that you can see into her front room and see her into her garden well enough to determine what she's drinking and whether she listening to music?