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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you report neighbour?

110 replies

racetothebar · Today 14:05

I am retired now so I am home all day but it’s been a while since I have had any children around but I used to be a childminder and found it exhausting, we went for walks in the woods, to the park, to the shops, we did messy play, painting, crafting, play doe and sand, read books and sang songs and I remember it being quite full on though this was 20 years ago.
My neighbour is at home all day with her little one who I’d say is almost 2 if not already.
She has no nets so unintentionally I can see into her living room from my bedroom which I sit in a lot as it’s sunny and I like to read by the window.
I notice she sits on the sofa looking at her phone almost all day and the little one just plays by himself, he has the telly on and she doesn’t play with him, doesn’t talk to him or look at him and he spends all day playing on the floor by himself.
Occasionally she will sit in the garden when the weather is nice with a full bottle of wine and put a few toys on the lawn while she sits on the lounger chair music in ears on staring at her phone.
The little boy is just playing by himself and she will drink the full bottle and then they’ll go in.
I hear the little one crying from about 6:30-7 so presumably she has put him to bed and he’s crying himself to sleep.

I don’t know them so haven’t spoken to them previously but I did see the mum and toddler in the local convenience store and said hello to the boy and mum said he doesn’t say anything yet.
I feel so sad that he spends all day watching tv and playing on the floor on his own while his mum ignores him on the sofa head in phone, I’ve no idea what she does but it’s constant.
No wonder he can’t talk if he’s never interacted with.

I have never seen anyone go to the house, she’s a very socially awkward and keeps herself to herself.
She has a husband but he leaves early and comes home late so it’s just the two of them all day.

Would you report for neglect?

OP posts:
Unforgettablefire · Today 18:13

Itiswhysofew · Today 16:09

How often do we hear people say they wish they'd done something to help a child.

OP sees the activity in a home with a child whose mother, I assume, isn't interacting with, and is drinking. OP had a human reaction and I don't think she's being unreasonable to consider bringing it to someone's attention.

I'd be concerned as well, OP.

Well what is there to report? The fact that the mother drinks wine “occasionally” or that the child plays alone while the mother is on her phone?
Seriously? If she was staggering around blind drunk fair enough, if the kid was running the streets on his own fair enough but what’s you’ve got here is probably what a lot of families in the world live like now.
What if the child was sitting in front of a tv screen or tablet watching cartoons or playing games?
A lot of kids enjoy just sitting playing with their toys, or sitting watching a screen it’s hardly something to report or do something about.

TheyGrewUp · Today 18:16

In the first instance, have you thought about extending the hand of friendship and inviting them round for a coffee.

How do you know what you assume to be a whole bottle of wine isn't cordial or 0%.

Based on what you have assumed, if that's the worst of it, do you really think the family needs an SS report on their record.

If I knew where you lived I'd bung the lass enough to order some blinds. Does she know about the spying?

BeigeandGreige · Today 18:28

BauhausOfEliott · Today 14:11

Assuming the child is clean, healthy, fed, dressed and has toys and entertainment, there's no neglect here and to be honest, you really need to stop staring into your neighbours' windows. You have no idea what their circumstances are. You don't know them. It's not a crime to have a glass of wine while your child plays. It's not a crime to watch TV. It's not a crime to parent children in a way that's different from the way you might do it.

No neglect?

I beg to differ.

LadyLooo · Today 18:32

This reply has been deleted

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Pistachiocake · Today 19:10

She might be on her phone criticising any parent who occasionally shouts "No" at their child, or moaning about the teacher who expected parents to care about their child's behaviour.
Poor kid.
While my grandparents (in both countries) would have brought their children up in ways people would criticise today, I think they were all brought up better than this child.
And OP, I'm sorry people are being so rude to you for caring about this child. It's worrying that people don't think there's a problem.

Owl55 · Today 19:16

Maybe you could befriend them and take the toddler to the park or ask her in for coffee and play with the little boy , maybe she just doesn’t know what to do with a toddler?

JLou08 · Today 19:45

If you really know what she is doing all day every day, you are the main problem here. You're either lying/exaggerating or obsessed with the family.

SecretSquirrelLoo · Today 19:51

BauhausOfEliott · Today 15:06

Are you going to phone social services about all the mums who go out for lunch and a couple of Aperol spritzes together with their kids in pushchairs as well, then? Because there are millions of them, and you're going to be very busy on the phone.

A parent sitting at home by themselves and drinking an entire bottle of wine while ignoring a toddler is a very different scenario from yours.

EmeraldShamrock000 · Today 19:59

Would you not try to befriend her? It might be nice to have a little visitor occasionally. It sounds like she is lonely and depressed, it’s hard to feel
motivated when your broke and don’t have a close relationship with anyone.

MadameEtourdie · Today 20:05

I should ignore all the unkind replies that you have received. Perhaps your post has touched a nerve with some of them.

I think if the child appears well fed and dressed appropriately and you haven’t witnessed any abuse of any sort then there is nothing you can do.

Just hope the child will go to nursery soon and will thrive there.

I think you have a genuine concern for the child but perhaps it would be better for your own equilibrium to focus less on this little family. Sometimes we just have to accept that things are beyond our sphere of influence. I do acknowledge that your valid concerns come from a kind heart.

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