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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you report neighbour?

104 replies

racetothebar · Today 14:05

I am retired now so I am home all day but it’s been a while since I have had any children around but I used to be a childminder and found it exhausting, we went for walks in the woods, to the park, to the shops, we did messy play, painting, crafting, play doe and sand, read books and sang songs and I remember it being quite full on though this was 20 years ago.
My neighbour is at home all day with her little one who I’d say is almost 2 if not already.
She has no nets so unintentionally I can see into her living room from my bedroom which I sit in a lot as it’s sunny and I like to read by the window.
I notice she sits on the sofa looking at her phone almost all day and the little one just plays by himself, he has the telly on and she doesn’t play with him, doesn’t talk to him or look at him and he spends all day playing on the floor by himself.
Occasionally she will sit in the garden when the weather is nice with a full bottle of wine and put a few toys on the lawn while she sits on the lounger chair music in ears on staring at her phone.
The little boy is just playing by himself and she will drink the full bottle and then they’ll go in.
I hear the little one crying from about 6:30-7 so presumably she has put him to bed and he’s crying himself to sleep.

I don’t know them so haven’t spoken to them previously but I did see the mum and toddler in the local convenience store and said hello to the boy and mum said he doesn’t say anything yet.
I feel so sad that he spends all day watching tv and playing on the floor on his own while his mum ignores him on the sofa head in phone, I’ve no idea what she does but it’s constant.
No wonder he can’t talk if he’s never interacted with.

I have never seen anyone go to the house, she’s a very socially awkward and keeps herself to herself.
She has a husband but he leaves early and comes home late so it’s just the two of them all day.

Would you report for neglect?

OP posts:
Unforgettablefire · Today 15:53

Bloody hell. you need help op what you’re doing isn’t normal.
How do you know she’s socially awkward? Maybe she is with you if she knows you’re sitting obsessively spying in her windows and garden all day every day!
I know a child with autism who does just what you describe all day how do you know this isn’t the case here?

There’s nothing worse than busy bodies and nosy people poor woman is just minding her own business leave her alone ffs.

moderateme · Today 15:55

Roomonthe3rdfloor · Today 15:21

But HOW does she know he cant speak if she can only see in their front room window?? She has never spoken to the women either so how does she know she drinks, and the kid cant speak. She has no idea about their lives other than what she see’s when she is snooping through her bedroom window

"I did see the mum and toddler in the local convenience store and said hello to the boy and mum said he doesn’t say anything yet."

From the OP.

emuloc · Today 15:56

BiddlyBipBipBeeBop · Today 14:30

She may be lonely and struggling. Would you be interested in introducing yourself and getting to know her? She might appreciate the contact.

This. It could be good for all of you, OP.

moderateme · Today 15:57

Poor kid. I would worry about him too.

I am not sure what the solution is, I don't imagine it meets the threshold for intervention. Hopefully if he goes to nursery in the future the family might get some support.

Iexpecttobetired · Today 16:00

So you want to contact Social Services or the police to tell them that you spend your retirement stalking your neighbours. If the call handler has any sense they would pass this onto adult social care or request a welfare check for you.

Boomer55 · Today 16:03

ChurchYardFromMyWindow · Today 14:29

"The little boy is just playing by himself and she will drink the full bottle"

Does nobody else think this is a bit of a worry?

Yes. OP could just refer them to an agency, such as the NSPCC and let them investigate. Then stay out of it.

Roomonthe3rdfloor · Today 16:05

moderateme · Today 15:55

"I did see the mum and toddler in the local convenience store and said hello to the boy and mum said he doesn’t say anything yet."

From the OP.

That could have been 6 months ago? She knows nothing about them

Larrythecatforpm · Today 16:06

While it’s sad, it’s even more creepy that you sit at your bedroom window watching them constantly. ConfusedConfused

Itiswhysofew · Today 16:09

Unforgettablefire · Today 15:53

Bloody hell. you need help op what you’re doing isn’t normal.
How do you know she’s socially awkward? Maybe she is with you if she knows you’re sitting obsessively spying in her windows and garden all day every day!
I know a child with autism who does just what you describe all day how do you know this isn’t the case here?

There’s nothing worse than busy bodies and nosy people poor woman is just minding her own business leave her alone ffs.

How often do we hear people say they wish they'd done something to help a child.

OP sees the activity in a home with a child whose mother, I assume, isn't interacting with, and is drinking. OP had a human reaction and I don't think she's being unreasonable to consider bringing it to someone's attention.

I'd be concerned as well, OP.

FallingInLove · Today 16:10

BauhausOfEliott · Today 15:48

But the OP doesn't actually know how old the child is, or whether the mother has already looked into getting help for his speech, or anything else. She said hello to the child and the mother said he doesn't speak yet. That's literally all the OP knows. That's not a reason to assume neglect FFS!

I’m not saying it is. I was just telling the pp that their questions were answered in the OP.

MyArtfulGreySloth · Today 16:12

I don’t for one second believe you know exactly how much wine she is drinking! You sound like a weird stalker!

Kay00 · Today 16:15

I think there are a lot of unhelpful comments on here. Whilst I partially agree that it's probably not your business, I also do feel very sad for that child and sad for the mother who doesn't look like she's coping very well.

If she genuinely doesn't have her own friends or family to call upon and she may be really lonely and you're in a fairly unique position to do something about that being her neighbour.

Rather than reporting her, why don't you do something? Why don't you call around? ask her around for a cup of tea? She may be really glad to have someone to speak to.

Fizzybluewater · Today 16:15

Omega3fishoil · Today 15:52

You lost me at “she has no nets’

stop looking and if you’re that concerned speak to her. Stop judging, it’s ugly

'Stop judging' this is MN fgs, a lot of posters are judgy on aibu.🙄

moderateme · Today 16:15

Roomonthe3rdfloor · Today 16:05

That could have been 6 months ago? She knows nothing about them

You asked how she knows; that's clearly what she is basing her assertion on so I was highlighting it to you.

Obviously it could have been 6 months ago, or a year even? The kid could be reciting Shakespeare by now, who knows?

The OP is describing her concern about the current situation so I think it's reasonable to assume the information is current. Given that a toddler's speech progresses massively in 6 months it would seem odd to include information from a meeting 6 months ago.

moderateme · Today 16:16

Kay00 · Today 16:15

I think there are a lot of unhelpful comments on here. Whilst I partially agree that it's probably not your business, I also do feel very sad for that child and sad for the mother who doesn't look like she's coping very well.

If she genuinely doesn't have her own friends or family to call upon and she may be really lonely and you're in a fairly unique position to do something about that being her neighbour.

Rather than reporting her, why don't you do something? Why don't you call around? ask her around for a cup of tea? She may be really glad to have someone to speak to.

"I also do feel very sad for that child and sad for the mother who doesn't look like she's coping very well."

Exactly - this is not a happy situation for Mother or Child and I am not surprised the OP is worried.

whatonearthdoidoz · Today 16:18

Itiswhysofew · Today 16:09

How often do we hear people say they wish they'd done something to help a child.

OP sees the activity in a home with a child whose mother, I assume, isn't interacting with, and is drinking. OP had a human reaction and I don't think she's being unreasonable to consider bringing it to someone's attention.

I'd be concerned as well, OP.

Yeah I quite like the human instinct. I think we've lost something as a society where we don't look out for our smallest members. The question is where to draw the line of leaving it vs getting involved. I think this is more of a 'leave it' scenario but still, nice that someone cares.

As I said on an earlier post I had quite bad depression a few years back and some very kind neighbors intervened. Invited me out. Sat me down and told me to get help. It was actually lovely as it came from a place of kindness. I did get help and I'm much better now.

readingmakesmehappy · Today 16:18

It sounds like this little boy is being failed and badly by his mother. Do you have the appetite to get to know her a bit better?

Robogob · Today 16:20

Stop watching them. You sound creepy.

Roomonthe3rdfloor · Today 16:27

moderateme · Today 16:15

You asked how she knows; that's clearly what she is basing her assertion on so I was highlighting it to you.

Obviously it could have been 6 months ago, or a year even? The kid could be reciting Shakespeare by now, who knows?

The OP is describing her concern about the current situation so I think it's reasonable to assume the information is current. Given that a toddler's speech progresses massively in 6 months it would seem odd to include information from a meeting 6 months ago.

Apologies I wasn’t trying to be snippy, thank you for pointing out what OP said.

I think the story is a bit suspect and I am not understanding how she knows so much about this family. Also not sure how she can see into her front room and her back garden at the same time.

namechangeforthispo · Today 16:28

Get a hobby that isn’t reading and snooping through your neighbours window.

It’s weird and means you have far too much time in your hands.

heartsinvisiblefury · Today 16:29

You need to mind your own business OP.

Ipsevenenabibas · Today 16:33

She's probably mentally unwell and it's definitely shit parenting but it won't meet the threshold for child neglect. I would be concerned too OP but I deal with social services regularly and am certain nothing would come of the report so it's a waste of time!

UpDownAllAround1 · Today 16:34

More concerning that you are home all day

Fizzybluewater · Today 16:39

UpDownAllAround1 · Today 16:34

More concerning that you are home all day

Are you jealous or something ? Nothing to do with anyone else. Judging is ugly as someone pointed up thread 🤔

ohyesido · Today 16:42

ChurchYardFromMyWindow · Today 14:29

"The little boy is just playing by himself and she will drink the full bottle"

Does nobody else think this is a bit of a worry?

This, I can’t imagine why the OP is getting such a hard time for being concerned about his