To be shocked my friend is using the food bank?

[thatsmeinthecrunchcorner]

I've name changed as possibly outing and I'm fully prepared to be told that IABU, but just wanted to know if I'm understanding the food bank issue here.
Friend has 3 DC, 2 of whom are primary school age. She's never worked due to childcare cost and her DH had his own business, which he sold as they are trying to emigrate to Australia (her parents emigrated there years ago) and he needs to get some specific qualifications so he studies part time and works part time. She told me recently things have been very tight and that she has been using a food bank weekly for the last year. I was really taken back as they get takeaways, the DC get new up to date sports wear and go on days out to theme parks, where they also buy food. They have 'summered' in Australia every year to visit her parents for the 6 weeks holidays. She was saying a few months ago that flights have really gone up this year so they might not go away. I said I understand, we cannot afford a holiday this year so suggested we could do some day trips together with the DC.
Saw her yesterday and she said she's just booked, it was very expensive but "we can't not go, the DC really wants to go". I assumed maybe her parents paid the tickets (she said it was £3.2k) but then she said she'd built up some savings due to not doing a big shop as she was using the food bank now. I was horrified by this, I donate to the food bank as to me it's a lifeline for those who need to feed their family. It's made me think differently of her but maybe AIBU here? DH said the food bank is there for those who need it, she's not doing anything wrong so to speak, but surely it's not there to help people save money for trips abroad?

Shops do, yes. And cafes unsold croissants and stuff.

we’re adamant because if it’s not means tested it’s for everyone and therefore fair game.

Actual real food banks not community surplus schemes are for people who are referred because they are really in a crisis. Think domestic violence victims who leave with just the clothes on their backs. People who are on minimum wage with no savings and get made redundant. All sorts. I wonder how much you have in savings that you are so confident you could never ever fall on hard times? Many people do.

I know what you are talking about. My Mil helps out in one. It's implicit thar It's for those who struggle- not for people like your friend. She's taking the piss and even if she's not doing anything wrong legally..morally it stinks. I would rethink my friendship because of this. It's just dishonest.

Please everyone keep donating to food banks that require referrals- that way you know you're helping people who struggle and not pisstakers as the OP's friend.

They sound like the kind of people who say "we would never let our kids go without" to justify racking up enormous debts. But it's not your business or mine.

I don’t think this thread is about being worried OR being taken aback.

Food larders are for everyone. Use it or lose it

They are community resources for those who dont want food to go into landfill

The problem with extrapolating from second hand anecdotal evidence is that it makes for dangerous and oversimplified generalisations.

‘My mum knows a man who has a cousin whose son drives a Porsche who uses a food bank. That’s why I will never give to a needy family’

Is it the food bank or a community pantry to combat food waste. If it’s the former then she is selfish and entitled .

Tea bags, pastas, biscuits, cereal etc are things you can get for very, very cheap (if they’re own brand). Your friend is either very odd, very bad at managing money (takeaways after payday, completely broke by the time the next one is approaching) or you don’t know the full truth about their finances (maybe her husband is financially abusive, maybe she’s lying about their income/ lifestyle, maybe her parents are paying for their flights to Australia etc).
I’m always a bit dubious when posters claim that they absolutely, definitely know all the ins and outs of their friend’s personal lives as irrefutable facts. How? Psychic ability?

There are vouchers they give to spend on fresh fruit and veg at supermarket

There were no food banks when I was a young single mum who was so skint that I sometimes went hungry to feed my child. I would have used them if they had been around. I donate now because I remember those days. I make a point of donating baby stuff and little treats such as nice toiletries because I do my best not to be a mean spirited judgemental person. There may be people who take the piss, but that is just the way of the world. I have never subscribed to the theory of the deserving and the undeserving poor.

Away ye go. That 100% puts me off donating. If she can save cash for holidays/flights etc. she should not be using a food bank. Nice to know the bams that do though.

This isn't second hand its my own experience though.

Nah, no one gets all their food from foodbanks by choice. You’re suggesting she doesn’t do any grocery shopping at all and as a result is able to save up enough to fly to Oz every year as well as buy her kids branded clothing and go on mini breaks/days out? Doesn’t ring true!

Are they actually using a FOOD BANK,or collecting food that would otherwise be destined for landfill. We have several of theses fair share schemes where I live ,and anyone is is welcome to help themselves ( within reason) Several churches also provide hot( Vegetarian )meals using such food.

You don't need to "bring it up" if she talked about it to you.

This won't be popular, but I work for an organisation that's a referral partner for multiple food banks (and have worked in another separate one in a different area too) and there's very little checking done to see if someone "qualifies" for help.

We don't ask for bank statements or proof of income (or lack thereof) nor for evidence of how many kids are dependent or if your "dietary requirements" are genuine or just preference.

Think about how difficult it would make it for genuinely deprived families to approach us for help if we did that level of checking and questioning.

So unfortunately food banks are hugely open to this kind of abuse. But to help those who really need it, we have to accept that some people will abuse the system. It's shit but true.

Not in ‘need’ if you can afford all those non essential lifestyle choices- days out and flights to Australia

It may technically not be wrong but I think it’s morally wrong.

Why are people so sure this isn’t a food bank, not all food banks are Trussel Trust. The one in my town is community based and supported by the local Council . . And you have to give your name and address and live within 2 miles. They have a trolley at the nearest large supermarket. Just because they aren’t where you live doesn’t mean they don’t exist!

I agree it depends on the food bank and its purpose. More exist now with the purpose of reducing food waste as well as alleviation of poverty.

Please don't be put off donating.

There are always going to be people who abuse things. Always. No matter what it is and where.

Please don't let the piss takers stop it all for the people genuinely in need.

I didn’t think you could use the food bank regularly like every week.

I thought you could use it three or four times.

And only with referrals.

Is this a bs post?

I wouldn’t take this op too seriously tbh

My sister started using the food bank at her local church years ago. They do not require referral s or evidence of benefits. She said it saved her a lot of money! I was very shocked that she would use something meant for people struggling. It actually put me off donating to our local one, because I only wanted it to go to genuine people.

She is not using the food bank every week for a year, the rules are strict. Even with sympathetic personnel they wouldn’t give a food voucher every week.