AIBU to expect proper condom disposal and not being left inside me?

[Slv199]

I was with my exH for over 20 years and I’ve not had many sexual partners. I’m not sure about “condom etiquette” and it’s something not talked about.

My exH would always take the condom off and throw it in the bathroom bin. This is what I expect.

I’ve found my new partner just leaves it in the bed, which is gross and I worry my kids might find them. On other occasions I’ve found them inside me the next time I’ve gone to the loo. Which obviously leaves me worried I might get pregnant.

As I don’t have much experience I wondered what others think. AIBU to expect him to put the condom in the bin? Or at least tell me where he left it and definitely not leave it inside me!

No they are not full but nor were the ones left in the bed. I don’t know if they were in the same position. I found them when wiping myself after going to the toilet.

Don't knock cats. At least they don't leave used condoms in the bed.

Does he pleasure you with his fingers or mouth?

I’m wondering if he has some sort of aversion to touching it once it’s been inside you or he’s cum in it.

I don’t know anyone who would do this.
Surely you’d at least throw it on the floor even!

What happens after sex do you fall to sleep together and then have sex again, or does he literally come round, have sex and then leave?

If they were completely empty I’d be very concerned about stealthing. Even condoms that split or come off usually have some cum remaining inside them if they were on when he ejaculated.

For the sake of pregnancy tests and STI’s I’d be treating it as if he’d cum inside you on each occasion.

Well we must both have something wrong with us then. Me to not feel it inside me and him to not feel it coming off.

I don’t know why your getting it tight OP you have done nothing wrong it’s the gross fella you slept with. I think you came here because your standards are higher & you knew it was wrong & gross and just wanted confirmation, so you are absolutely in the right. Good luck finding another partner with better hygiene habits

Having posted on here I don’t want to be judged in person. I won’t be speaking to anyone. Or indeed talking about my sexlife ever again.

Seriously? Why do you have sex with such a careless, mucky freak?

I’m being facetious in the main. Hearing about people with amazing partners isn’t helpful just makes me feel crap about myself due to the men who are interested in me.

OP, please don't let the tone of certain posts on the thread upset you. There are always people, on pretty much every AIBU thread, who will interrogate someone and try to pick their posts apart, I think it's tone deaf and unhelpful of them personally, but from what I've had time to read of the thread, most of us are on your side. We're just angry on your behalf that he's treating you this way.

Please don't feel crap about yourself, OP. You are not crap, you have just had the misfortune to meet this man who is not worthy of you.

Ew what a dirt bag.

Please dump him. He’s disgusting.

Learn to be happy with yourself. The right kind of person will be attracted to that.

It’s not like that. It’s a community. Men and women on it are parents. It’s not just for dating it’s for support and parenting advice. There are many successful couples and one of the groups just had its first wedding. You can’t just contact anyone there are strict rules. Bad behaviour gets you banned. The group nature makes it more preferable than dating apps to me.

It’s a complicated situation. We stopped seeing each other for a while and started again last week. It’s not an FWB situation.

Then the answer is to be single. You don't have to settle for a sub par man. Also (this may sound harsh) but raise your standards.

When I was dating there was so much pond life I could have slept with but I didn't even if it meant not having sex.

I hate cats.

Many of you posting on this thread ought to be ashamed of yourselves - and climb down from those high horses.

OP explained how she is inexperienced when it comes to dating. Let people sense check upsetting behaviour on this thread without getting a sanctimonious , hey?

He’s not a good bloke to be sharing a bed with, let alone anything else. Sadly you win some you lose some in these dating streets. STD check, block and delete - in that order. Agree it’s stealthing at worst, disrespect at best. No further contact needed would be my advice, which I’m sure has more than sunk in!

wishing you well, OP. May you find a spectacular shag who is tidy to boot!

Good luck OP, I hope all the tests come back clear. Best of luck with the future (and consider giving cats a chance ;) , a cat will love and adore you and never leave such horrible mess around your place!

Having seen a friend using Bumble it’s put me off ever joining dating sites or apps. The point of the groups I use are they are groups. It’s not just based on looks, people can get to know your personality then ask to DM you. It’s not a 5 second glance at your profile picture.

Leaving it inside you?

Unless your partner has some sort of diagnosable disorder for which he is seeking treatment, you need to leave him.

Leaving it inside you is like shitting in the bed next to you and then rolling over and going to sleep. It’s disgusting, antisocial, vile and nothing any well adjusted person would consider ok.

Forget pregnancy, you could get toxic shock syndrome and die. Am I being dramatic? Maybe, but that is a real possibility and his behaviour is absolutely foul.

Leave immediately.

Dear op. This man is not a reflection on you and how worthy you are. Wonderful women the world over have experienced terrible partners. I'm sorry you've had to experience this.

Give yourself some credit, your spidey senses alerted very quickly and you've slammed the breaks after a short time with him. Given you have a coil, I wouldn't bother with more than one pregnancy test.

It’s not uncommon for women not to feel a condom coming off, or being left inside.

Men generally do though. So he likely felt it come off. He’ll 100% have known it was missing on the occasions it was left inside you.

This isn’t on you. It’s on him.

Neither, he’s 49.