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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Could the reason I haven’t made mum friends be my age?

155 replies

Dentalxray · 08/06/2026 09:42

Dd been at primary school for three years and in that time I’ve not made a single mum friend, they’ll only talk to me if I approach them first and then it’s just surface level stuff like the weather. Nothing to do with dds behaviour she’s a good girl and it’s been like this since reception. I do worry she might be missing out in the summer when the other mums meet up with the kids.
I had her at 16 so they’re all 10-20 years older than me, be honest would you want to be mum friends with someone that much younger than you? Or could it be something else?

OP posts:
Sunnydays60 · 10/06/2026 07:43

I actually reckon growing up in a place makes you less likely to make new friends. I'd assume you already had your life set up and wouldn't need/want to socialise with other mums.

I'm an older mum and moved into the area during covid just before dd was born. I have a few friends who have lived elsewhere but returned to their hometown after having kids. They probably made more of an effort with me because they knew I had no one! Also, the friends I have at the school gates, one I met at a baby group (and is also from elsewhere!), one I met doing the nursery run. All 3 of us have worked in the same profession (but ironically none of us do now - so we maybe bonded over that! I will say that one of us is nearly 15 years younger than myself and the other nearly 10 years). We're actually really lucky in that we've ended up in a class with a bunch of lovely children parents. Even saying that, I feel like if I'd have turned up at the gates not knowing anyone, I wouldn't be sociasing with any of them now. They're all nice enough but I don't feel I have much in common with them (weirdly including the other 2 mums I know share the same profession - maybe because they're still working it 😂). There's a range of ages of parents.

I'm honestly not even sure how I've ended up with these friends. I've moved around jobs a fair bit and usually only ever make 1 friend if that 😂 so it's not a common occurrence for me. In my current job, if I left now (in my third year), I don't think I'd keep in touch with anyone!

In terms of playdates, it's a funny one. A mum in our class invited people to the park this past holiday and everyone was busy. I wasn't busy myself but didn't reply as I was having a home day. I like the mum and I like the kid, it just wasn't a good day for me. When dd was a baby, I tried to organise a meet up group. Loads of people joined but only 2 mums ever met up with me (on seperate occasions) and even then it was only once. I gave up so you're not alone. It's hard. I feel for you. Keep going and maybe with dc2 things will happen differently! In baby groups at least you get a bit more mum chat.

Everythingisbacktodownandupsidefront · 10/06/2026 15:25

Heretodayonly · 09/06/2026 19:36

What are you judging here?

  1. that a teenager had sex (potentially over the age of consent) - so do many.
  2. that a teenager had an unexpected pregnancy, which could well have been due to a contraceptive failure that could (and does) happen to any of us.
  3. that a teenager may not have realised early as her body/periods/knowledge is still developing so she may not have had a choice to continue OR she may have chosen to, which is entirely her right.

Not judging but not turned on by someone who ultimately ended up with a child which she very likely did not plan for and was unable to parent without significant support from others (be that family or the state).

Sex is fun. Cool. But I think having a child before one is ready is extremely selfish.

If you're going to have sex, you have to be responsible... Whether that's extra precautions (in case one form of contraception fails), taking pregnancy tests every now and again to catch a pregnancy which might otherwise be missed (if you are sexually active and not ready for a baby), or having an abortion if all else fails. If you're not prepared to do those things, then you're ultimately putting your own fun above your (potential) future child. Which I find selfish and irresponsible.

Everythingisbacktodownandupsidefront · 10/06/2026 15:40

Dentalxray · 09/06/2026 19:48

I mean fair enough you’ve got your opinions that’s fine you’d be misjudging me if you thought I was some stereotype of a teen mum on tv though. I was raised catholic so we consider abortion murder not something I could of gone through with when I found out I was pregnant

Absolutely, my immediate concerns may not apply to you.

You may well have had a present and supportive partner (with whom you have remained and had your second child), combined savings, an earned income to support you/partner/child, a plan, pursued your education, got into employment, been and remained entirely self-sufficient (without requiring support from family or the state) etc.

You may have been raped and things were entirely out of your control, particularly as you follow the Catholic religion. In that instance, my god would you have my sympathy and I'd want to do whatever I could to support you/your children and share the privileges I've worked for.

The above does happen. But I'd say it's the exception not the norm (basing this on the numerous teen/young Mums I know) hence I would assume the above don't apply and wouldn't therefore be drawn to striking up a friendship with a teen Mum. As I said at the outset, though, I wouldn't treat you any differently to anyone else if you were to approach me - you just probably wouldn't be the first person I'd hone in on (not that I'd really hone in on anyone... Too busy focusing on my child and not actively on the lookout for new pals).

In response to the fact you're Catholic and, therefore, abortion is off limits, that to me suggests you should have taken extra precautions with contraception (coil, condoms, morning after pill etc) or simply avoided sex. I responded to someone else to say I think it's selfish to put one's own fun (sex) above a potential child's life.

StartingFreshFor2026 · Yesterday 19:48

Everythingisbacktodownandupsidefront · 10/06/2026 15:25

Not judging but not turned on by someone who ultimately ended up with a child which she very likely did not plan for and was unable to parent without significant support from others (be that family or the state).

Sex is fun. Cool. But I think having a child before one is ready is extremely selfish.

If you're going to have sex, you have to be responsible... Whether that's extra precautions (in case one form of contraception fails), taking pregnancy tests every now and again to catch a pregnancy which might otherwise be missed (if you are sexually active and not ready for a baby), or having an abortion if all else fails. If you're not prepared to do those things, then you're ultimately putting your own fun above your (potential) future child. Which I find selfish and irresponsible.

A child being brought up by a loving teen mum and support from Gran and Grandad (etc, for example) can have a perfectly lovely life. There is no one version of "ready". Some people might not look "ready" (not married, in their late 20s with great job and owning home) but absolutely become ready and make fantastic parents. How boring would life be if absolutely everyone was brought up in one way (a relatively recent in grand scheme of things, Western way of parenting)?

2children3dogs · Yesterday 20:01

Dentalxray · 09/06/2026 10:51

A few over three years it’s really not much mostly birthday parties. They all lived in actual houses with gardens my home is honestly very small and I don’t want her to be teased. Play dates at my place wouldn’t be great anyway because of space we spend a lot of time at parks or at the beach anyway because of this. I could try swimming but honestly the amount of times I’ve tried with the park I don’t think the response would be different.

Hi OP,
Sorry you're having a rough time with the school mums. I'm 35 with my first starting primary this year, but have managed to find a group of mum friends aging 23-40, so I don't think age is necessarily the issue.

You seem to be carrying a lot of shame for having your child young, having a smaller home etc. Perhaps the other mums are picking up that you are insecure and finding it hard to make a connection?

From my own experience growing up, my mum was the younger mum with the tiny council home. However, my friends used to love coming over as mum made a real effort with yummy dinners, treats etc. My friends never once commented on how small our home was (some of my friends had enormous 5/6 bed houses). Try and fine comfort in what you have, you sound like a great mum trying to do her best for her children. Good luck x

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