AIBU to ask if you would judge a mum for this? Honestly…

[Whitediamondshoes]

AIBU to ask would you judge a mum who goes away without her dc? Even though she is separated and pretty much does it when they are with their dad? So long weekends etc?

Omg no way! Both my BIL and SIL (married) have been on holidays just with their friends, they didn't enjoy a holiday with their oldest when she was a toddler so only recently did a staycation with the kids. My mum went on holiday without us - actually she went on a business trip when I was 6 months old! That last one's not for me but could suit other people (lucky them!)

Thank you everyone. I know I’m being silly but when you know you’re being judged it’s hard not to second guess your decisions

I go away loads without my kids, I couldn't care less if people judge. I know my kids are loved and cared for.

No
A healthy relationship require's a mum to have her own life as well.
I go away for a weekend once a year...refreshes me and my kids love to stay with other family.

Not only do I go away but sometimes, shock horror, I used to go away even when I was supposed to have them ! They have turned out ok (so far)! Lol your relative is bonkers

Anyone who sees women as full human beings in their own right and not one dimentional service bots, wouldn't judge this. And who cares about the opinions of the type that do?

Next time say ' I'm so lucky child is confident with a secure attachment to me, so I can do these things with no issues. It must be soooo difficult for parents who have insecure children.'

And then if (when) she gets annoyed because you implied her children are insecure, say that you didn't say that at all, but (sympathy face) if its something she's worried about, you're here for her to talk any time

To be honest I think it’s the other way around. They will go on sleepovers etc so it’s not them.

No way. Many parents work away even when not separated, it’s a totally usual thing to do. Some go away for fun too. I don’t see an issue. You don’t cease being a human in your own right once you become a parent.

No or I’d be judging myself. Not a single parent but been away on girls weekends and left dd with her dad. Also been away as a couple for a night or two and left with mil. It wouldn’t occur to me to think there was anything wrong with this.

No. Why should they not be allowed child free time. A father gets cheered for just turning up for the fun stuff. Nasty double standard.

Nope! No judgement here. I go away without my kids all the time. We have holidays and trips together as a family but DP and I also like weekends away when DC are with their dad. We would just be sitting at home without them anyway so might as well have a nice date weekend.

No! I’d think it was a very healthy thing to do.

And does she think Dad should never go away either on his own or is this judgement purely aimed at Mums @Whitediamondshoes ?

I have no idea, I have never asked. But my guess is no probably not tbh

Years ago. I took my daughter away for a week leaving my two sons with their Dad (my DH). My mother-in-law was horrified. Fortunately my DH didn’t share her opinion.
Don’t judge anyone. You very rarely know the full circumstances and if no harm is done to anyone whatever does it matter.

No. But I did used to judge my neighbours who would both go away each summer together when the kids were small, kids didn’t go abroad with them will they were about 10+. But only to my DH!

No.

I definitely would not.

Seems she’s the only one so far 🤣

I think this relative is jealous. Maybe she can't do what you do for whatever reason (eg controlling DH, finance issues etc). I bet she wishes she could so judges you to make herself feel better.

Crack on with what you do. It's healthy for your kids to see you have a life outside of parenting.

The only person I have judged is a mum I know who goes away all the time without her children but has never so much as taken her children on a day trip let alone a holiday.

Yeah I would never do this, this year I’m taking them away separately
dd to a concert in London
ds to Rome
And then both of them to Disneyland

they get lots of individual attention and holidays.

last year I took them to centre parks
a long weekend in London together to a show etc
ds to a night away and the zoo
dd to a night away and shopping day

They way I see it, when you go away with the kids you are the only adult, so you are on duty full time. It’s not as relaxing as when you have another adult to help out. So you need other breaks without them to relax and recharge. I’m sure you’re a better mum for it too.

I do have a DP now who comes on our main holiday. They all get on and he’s great but yes I’m the parent. He is there in a supportive nature and will entertain them but I do the “parenting”

No, not at all. Parents are allowed to have time away from their children!