AIBU to ask if you would judge a mum for this? Honestly…

[Whitediamondshoes]

AIBU to ask would you judge a mum who goes away without her dc? Even though she is separated and pretty much does it when they are with their dad? So long weekends etc?

Completely fine imo. I have left mine with dh on several occasions and left them with my mum when Dh and I went away.

I would judge you.

In a hugely positive way and I would applaud you. I’m sick of society (men and women) judging women and Mums in a completely different way to men.

Go on holiday without the children - judged
Work away from home for a few nights - judged
Start a new relationship - judged
Have a night out - judged

I have been away loads of times without my son, as has my ex-husband. We have also had some incredible holidays together. It obviously hasn’t impacted our relationship in any way, as he is now 21 and we are both on holiday together as we speak.

Go away and enjoy yourself and tell the nosey relative to mind their own bloody business. The busy body is obviously just jealous or a miserable fucker who has no life.

No id never judge a mum for going away, I think it's a good thing for parents to still have a social life and life away from just being a mum.

I would judge her to have her head screwed on

Nope. My parents did this. My mother did this. She went back to her home country to see her mother and relatives. They together went on holidays not suitable for young children.
Certainly can’t see the issue if the kids are at the dads?
Have a nice trip and don’t let anyone doubt your decisions if logic tells you are being completely reasonable.

Thank you everyone. Next time said relative passes comment I will NOT be holding my tongue!! I’m so done with tip toeing around her!!

Unless there's a reason that it's a bad time for the kids to be without their mother, then no it's fine.

I wouldn't go away during, for example, exam times, or straight after a bereavement, or just before they have surgery as they'll be anxious about it. But assuming all is "normal" and balanced in their lives at that time, yep.

Yes. When the kids are with their dad, if there's nothing she can be doing in their service, she should put herself away in the mum cupboard to await their return.

🤣🤣🤣

In the scenario you explained, absolutely not. You're still a human once you become a mum. I'm curious, does your relative judge couples who ask a family member to babysit whilst they go out too? Or is it just women doing something solely for themselves that they have an issue with?

I do judge any parent that goes away without also taking their children though. Especially if doing so means that their children go without in general.

Yes I think she does to be honest. They don’t seem to do much else than “focus on their dc”

No of course not, would you?

I do the exact same thing and it is gloriously good for the soul!

No, not at all. I'd judge someone who was judgy about this, though.

I don't care if you are married, separated, single ect and go without dc. A break is absolutely necessary. You can't just be "mum" all the time you need to be yourself. No judgement at all

I wouldn't judge you, but it isn't something that I would do.

I wouldn't want to be in a different country to my children when they were young or vulnerable (you said you'd been doing it since they were young). Anywhere in this country and if something happened, you could get to them. Once you're overseas, you're at the mercy of others to get back quickly if needed. And that's not always possible. I don't think I'd be able to relax.

It's not about trusting the other parent because illnesses, accidents etc can happen to anyone. And of course it's unlikely. The chances are that everything will be absolutely fine but for me to relax, I'd need to know that I could get to them if something happened.

I have a friend with similar children (both our children are SEN) and she travels when they are with their dad. I've never judged her in the slightest - didn't even occur to me, tbh.

I don't think you're wrong OP but neither am I. There's not one set way of "correct" parenting.

You are doing nothing wrong, when your children are with their dad your time is your own. Pay no attention to this nosy relative.

This is your sister isnt it?

I wonder if it's not that she won't but that she can't for whatever reason, and resents that you can. Whats her OH like?

I'm shipping my DC out to my in-laws for October half-term to go away for a few nights with my boyfriend (I'm widowed - DHs parents are completely understanding and are happy to have my DC to accomodate this.)

I go away without my child. And have done since he was small (age 2 or 3)
His dad has also gone away- for work and leisure.
We're not separated.
I go with my girlfriends who also have children, who they leave at home.
Athens is our next destination!
*my child is 19 now btw

They're probably envious.

😂😂😂

I'm away next weekend! No DH or DS in sight. Bliss

ETA I'm away with 5 friends and 4 of us have children, none of whom will be there!

In general no. The only time I have is a woman I knew who went on holiday a couple of times a year without her kids who’d never been abroad themselves. Just couldn’t imagine not wanting to experience it with them.

I’m guessing that the relative thinks that when the kids are with their dad you should be sat at home, crying and wringing your hands with grief for every minute as you miss them so much and you should only come back to life when the kids come home to you?