to ask how to deal with family criticism over sending our child to a private school?

[RunBeforeBreakfast]

If you have sent your children to private school, have you had any negativity about it from others, especially family? If so how have you dealt with it?

Our children currently go to state primary but our oldest will be going to a private secondary school in September. It’s a nice school and we feel it will suit her. Since telling our family, some of them have been really critical of our choice as they don’t agree with private schools. I’ve listened to what they have said and understand their point of view, but ultimately, it’s our choice and I’ve said I don’t want to keep talking about it as the decision has been made. They stopped for a while but last week on the phone and at a meal yesterday they brought it up again, with our children there. They’ve never been interested in our children’s schooling until now.

Tell them to stfu there you go that bit of advice was free ya welcome

Then you are being really prejudiced against SEN kids when our state provision is shit for them. Even some EHCPs send kids to private schools on state money FFS.

Ah the politics of envy. I don't like it so nobody else can have it!

DD was the first on my side to go to a girls’ private prep school (nobody on her father’s side experienced state school until they went to 6th form colleges).

Off-topic for OP’s question, but when she was 11 there was an outbreak of headlice, my mother said, “How can that happen at a school you’re paying for?”

You made a choice. They don't agree with it. That's their right. You ignore as presumably you think you made the right decision for your child.

Not so much envy but the belief that all education should be good and equal and accessible, as in Finland, which is to the whole of society’s benefit. However, that’s not going to happen here any time soon.

I had the opposite problem. My mother banged on for years about what a terrible parent I was for NOT sending my DD's to private schools. I am idealogically opposed to private education but no amount of repeating this to my mother ever made any difference. She even offered to pay the entire cost and was very offended when this was also turned down.

I should add my stance was well known to my mother as I had refused to go to the private secondary school she'd chosen for me when I was 11. I only got out of this by threatening to deliberately fail the entrance exam.

OP some people just do not want to listen. These are your children and this is your choice. In the end I had to tell my mother that if she continued to bring the subject up we would leave and potentially not return to her house. She tired of it eventually.

I totally support the OP in sending her kids to be privately educated if that is her choice and I think her family's reaction is bang out of order.

However you are being very lazy with your argument that people are opposed to private education simply because they are "jealous". I am personally opposed to private education on idealogical grounds, as are quite a few of my wider friendship group. We could have afforded to send our kids to private schools but did not. Jealousy has absolutely nothing to do with it!

No absolutely, everyone has different reasons. That was my mum's reason at the time. It stemmed from her jealousy of her sister (has been a constant battle since they were born (they're identical twins). Then when she had the means and saw the benefits she then enrolled my younger brother.

Ah OK fair enough. Maybe I'm just being touchy after having been personally accused of being jealous in this regard in the past, despite this being utter nonsense.

However I totally support everyone's right to educate their kids as they see fit without having to justify it to anyone else.

"you ve already made your opinion known to me"
I d recycle that phrase with a little variation ever time they bring it up, going forward, and just keep repeating. Because to keep on at you about is a micro aggression of sorts.

Well no, because we have a much larger population, that is much less socially cohesive, a very different economy, a different society...

On the plus side, my daughter won't need to do National Service when she leaves school.

I firmly believe that most children benefit more from a private setting, simply because the classes are smaller. As for people criticising your choice of schooling for your child, she’s your child, your choice, your money! If they don’t get the whole “leave it, it’s none of your business” vibe, then simply change the subject. If that doesn’t work, then it’s time to get direct and tell them to mind their own business.

Give it time.. maybe have some space for a couple of weeks.
Let them get their heads around it you know families and if you're close it will come right in the end.
Best to try and not fall out i agree x

Sounds like they're jealous basically

Ignore them.

I'm very torn because on one hand I believe that's it's your personal business and your choice, and you shouldn't be disrespected. I understand why you feel hurt. On the other hand people feel strongly about private education. I'm personally very anti it and think it should be abolished. I wouldn't go as far as calling out your parenting, as you say you have had done, but my politics don't naturally align with people who are pro public schools.

Yes, I think jealousy is a very lazy argument. I work in a field where I'm one of the few non-privately educated people and the unfair advantages it brings astonishes me. I would abolish it for ideological reasons that align with my political beliefs. It's nothing to do with jealousy.

I don't agree with private schooling and if my sibling said they were sending their kids to private school I'd hold my tongue. We're a bit enmeshed so they'd know my views anyway, we might take the p* out of each other about it as we do abot other things but it's good natured and noobe would be berated about it.

The only time I'd step in in any way with a siblings parenting is if I thought something was directly harmful. Even then I'd need to be quite concerned

My DD went to a private primary, originally because of shortage of state places in the local area and then we continued because she got on very well there. At 7 she was diagnosed with various SEN and they met her needs well.

My neighbour was kind of rude about our choices.

Later she ended up sending her youngest DC to the same private school as they also turned out to have SEN, while the eldest is off to a private secondary (and my DD has gone to a state secondary).

You just never know what the future holds.

People sometimes end up eating their words!

You sound like a typical private school parent.

What an ignorant generalisation.

There’s really no such thing as a typical private school parent.

I want there to be a state system that will educate all kids according to their needs, given that we’re all paying tax to support state schools. That doesn’t exist. Many many kids with SEN are not catered to in the state system at all. That is a national scandal.

Save your anger for the politicians, those of you who are being disapproving at parents who are making the choices they have to for their kids,while torpedoing their own family finances in the process and saving the state system thousands each year.

Tell them that jealousy is not a good look on them.

Unless you have asked them to pay for the schooling / books / uniforms, they should not interfere. And it was low of them to speak of it in front of the children, making them uneasy.