to ask how to deal with family criticism over sending our child to a private school?

[RunBeforeBreakfast]

If you have sent your children to private school, have you had any negativity about it from others, especially family? If so how have you dealt with it?

Our children currently go to state primary but our oldest will be going to a private secondary school in September. It’s a nice school and we feel it will suit her. Since telling our family, some of them have been really critical of our choice as they don’t agree with private schools. I’ve listened to what they have said and understand their point of view, but ultimately, it’s our choice and I’ve said I don’t want to keep talking about it as the decision has been made. They stopped for a while but last week on the phone and at a meal yesterday they brought it up again, with our children there. They’ve never been interested in our children’s schooling until now.

Apparently teachers at private schools do not need to be qualified, do not need a degree, need only fortitude and to dress well. Can this be true, is this why so many are closing as they are not fulfilling their promise?

From Google, it's not just about having fortitude and dressing well.

Independent (private) schools: If you have a good degree and are applying to teach a subject where there is a shortage of teachers.
Further education colleges: Teaching vocational courses or adult learners may not require QTS, though specific qualifications may be needed.
Specialist roles: In areas such as sports coaching, music, or languages, schools may employ unqualified teachers to bring in specialist expertise.

My dn is a very successful swimming coach who manages a club swim team too; qualified but no degree or QTS. Any independent school would be lucky to have him as a teacher.

I believe independent schools have been closing because of falling numbers after the introduction of vat on fees.

Well state school is attended 93 per cent of the country’s children (possibly 94 per cent this cohort). So they’re exposed to the vast majority of people.

That’s completely different and you know it.

I can’t afford a membership at my local David Lloyd so I go to a cheaper gym.
The facilities are shabbier, less exclusive etc but it isn’t going to make a fundamental difference to my life and like chances.
Going to a gym/health club/private members club is a choice.

Education isn’t and all should have equal access to a well funded education that can meet their needs well.

“This is our decision for our children. It will not change. It is not up for discussion.”

Posts like this make me so glad I send my children to private school. This narrow thinking is exactly what I want to avoid.

It’s not completely different at all.

My ex MIL didn't agree with university education, or grammar schools and certainly not private education. The only one in my ex's side of the family with a degree was my FIL. My ex barely scrapped 2 A-levels.

I went to grammar school, and uni, so did my sisters, so do my sisters children, and my children go to private school. My mum and dad went to grammar school, but not university (had to go straight to work) We are from very different backgrounds (she's middle class, my family is working class done well). She doesn't approve of my choices at all, which is why it's actually quite handy that my ex doesn't bother very much with the kids, so I don't need to bother with her and her 'innocent' questions about my children's education.

As to diversity - at my son's school there's children from all over the world - although yes, generally quite affluent. At my son's best friends school it's largely ethnically homogenous, with people all from the same locality - so I'd actually say that it's swings and roundabouts regarding who's being exposed to more diversity.

have some stock answers

you're beginning to sound like a broken record
you're welcome to your opinion, but I'm also entitled to mine
Nothing you say is going to change my mind about our Childs education, you're wasting your breath

What inverse snobbery.

What does it matter to them? Your kids will fair better privately educated.

Hear them out, then say " thanks for your input" and change the subject. I've used this a few times, works a treat!!

I sent both my kids private. My father and twin sister kept telling me I was an idiot because I was paying for something again which I had already paid for in my taxes. I just agreed and said ok. Now I’ve got two kids who went to uni and both have fabulous careers. Sister has one that works in a shop, one who is a single mum after dropping out of uni twice and one that may have a half decent carreer if you try to be kind. My father is now VERY in favour of private schools…….

But they've made the decision! The place will have been accepted and the deposit paid!

Well no they're not.

I teach in an outstanding state comp and they are exposed to only those with well off (can afford a house within 900 metres of a sought after school) and fortunate (managed to secure social housing within 900 metres of a sought after school) plus a group with EHCP and a few with special status (looked after or formerly looked after, single figures).

That's not "diverse". They nearly all know each other from primary!

this

It's fashionable to criticise people sending children to private schools at the moment in spiral down UK. Ignore it and do your own thing.

Since they won't stop despite you asking and telling them to then you need to tell them you refuse to be bullied into changing your mind and if they can't control themselves then you can't be around them any more.

Tell them to fuck off, it's none of their business. I don't really agree with private schools but state secondary education is pretty awful at the moment so I can completely understand it. If I had my time again, and know what I know now, and had there been the right independent school at an affordable level for DD2 we'd have gone for it. DD1 went to a (state) super selective grammar that really suited her.

As many leftwing politicians have discovered. Diane Abbott for example. Whose son since defended his mum saying it was his decision.

Doesn’t it just. Same poster that said privately educated kids are damaged for life and socially isolated.

Honestly, what nonsense

It's very hard when someone you feel should understand you, is so utterly belligerent about something that affects them in no real way. If they won't stop I would fight fire with fire.

I got the "don't your children need to know about other children who have less then them" from an IL who would love to do it, but just likes to try and bring us down cos they can't. They even wanted us to pay for it at one point. Just a joke apparently. Anyway, my response was "No. DC's job in life is to have the best life they can and that includes me making sure they have all the opportunities they can."

Fuck that shit.

I wouldn't even have told them- what business is it of theirs?

Of course it’s not different! If everyone in the country only relied on primary school swimming lessons, there wouldn't be a single lifeguard in the UK.

Parents up and down the country put their toddlers in private swimming lessons, mini football, ballet and dance and all the rest. No one is having a fit of the vapours about that and a supportive family has far more impact in life chances than school choice.

Sweeping, sneery judgement about private schools is a cheap, faux moral sound bite, instead of calling out actual injustice such as state schools with a tiny catchment of £2m houses that have a rugby tour to South Africa and cricket tour to Barbados a couple of miles from failing state secondaries.

I suspect the vast majority of the holy crew lamenting the existence of private schools ensure their children attend the former.

I think you've handled it perfectly. Personally, if they kept bringing it up after being asked to stop, I'd be tempted to start responding as though the real issue is something else entirely.

"It's kind of you to worry, but we've decided not to feel guilty about being able to afford something that will benefit our child."
"Don't worry, we're not expecting anyone else to pay the fees."
“Yes, it’s a huge privilege. That’s exactly why we’re using it.”
“I appreciate your concern, but we’ve decided not to limit our child to avoid making other adults uncomfortable.”

@shockedwifeanim absolutely 100%.

You've looked down on your friends because they wanted the best for their kids?