Does anyone else prefer doing things just with their Dc?

[Whatwillbecomeofus]

As opposed to with your Dh/dp?

I always sort of look forward to us all being off and weekends and planning days out, but when it comes down to it, it’s quite rare that it goes as well as when it’s just me and Dd
Ive started to plan ‘Girls days’ as a reason for it to be just us. I feel lighter and happier
I’m guessing this isn’t normal, does anyone else feel like this?

I don’t know why some have their back up about this - it’s exactly the way it should be!! If DP didn't have me in second place to DD I would be concerned!!

Very similar here x

Yes to this!

I would say most of us felt this too - pre-kids!

Exactly 🤣🤣

I also feel sad when we go out for a day without my partner. I'm always thinking of how much he would enjoy it and how much the children would enjoy him being there as well.
One of my favourite things to do on a family day out is to sit on a bench with the bags on my own watching my partner and daughter totally engrossed with one another and the activity they are doing.
I love my children but seeing the father my partner has become has only grown my love for him.

I’d take a day out or holiday with just my DD anyway over one with my partner joining. As he has his own business, he prefers being home so he can work and generally just can’t relax on a day out or on holiday. It just creates a tense day for everyone. I use to resent feeling I was the only solo parent on a day out, but then a weekend break with my 6yo made me realise things just gelled better without him. Now we do multiple trips a year and every weekend day out without him. It works for us all currently. Does that mean it will always work? Maybe not but it’s not in a position where something needs to be done about it now

Yeah I can see your logic... But I'd be getting my daughter out.

It's not about what's statistically likely to result in the most people surviving.

It's about doing my most important job - take care of my daughter no matter what.

DH and I have been married 36 years. Wanted children but couldn’t have them. Reading this thread has made me realise that having children sometimes comes at a huge cost to a marriage. We are still very happy and love being together.

In all honesty I don’t think that it’s as much that children come at a cost to a marriage, it’s that the challenges of raising children reveal the true character of the parents.

I prefer shopping with just DD. She and I have a fun time and DH is a happy to hold the fort at home and have some rest. Then when we come home I do a handover and DH takes over and spends time with DC.

We both have time with DD in the environment we prefer. This works for us the best. But I also like us 3 going out but it wouldn’t be shopping more an outdoors type of thing.

My dad always spent time with mum over us. He never spent time individually with me or my siblings while we were growing up.

I like the balance where parents have their own time with each other or the DC and then time as a family.

man, i dont want to be that person. But if we also only had one daughter... absolutely brilliant parenting all round. Both my husband and I would be chefs kiss! 😘
I see families with 2 kids and the kids are sitting at the restaurant table and their just.... sitting? Not arguing over the pens, because of course we bought a shit load of activities to do. Not picking on each other. And i swear i look at the parents and they're even looking bored! And im like, did they drug their children??
Why are the kids just dutifully sitting still like that. One of them might even be staring off into space!
Where's the constant scanning for the slightest sign of trouble? Or the slightest unhinged, desperation of good times the mum is earnestly trying to project onto the table?
Anyway, im not sure this question even applies to those lucky families.

Same. An absolute fucking mood hoover wherever we went. Tight, selfish, moaning about every single thing, no thinking about what we needed, expecting me to know everything and solve everything and pay for everything and always champing at the bit to finish up and go home.

My children are a delight in comparison, even if days out are hard work sometimes.

Where did I say they were sitting? I often am sitting watching them be engrossed in something they are doing nearly always very actively! Also, we do have two children although a 5 year age gap and the youngest is only 9 months so still naps.

For example last weekend we went to the reservoir with a large play park. I had gone for a walk around the reservoir to get the 9 month old to sleep whilst dad and eldest were in the park. I came back and watched dad launch her down the mini zip line about 40 times then they had a game of hide and seek in the adventure play part of the playground. Other times whilst the eldest is playing independently going up and down the largest slides and only requires 75% of my concentration I get to also look at dad and baby having a game of peekaboo which has the 9 month old in hysterics

I don't really know what eating out in restaurants is like to be fair we don't go as our daughter has over 20 food allergies, is borderline arfid and is under paediatrics and dieticians having only gained 1kg in nearly 2 years so food is just way too stressful to eat out. We always take a packed lunch as she is very specific about what she will eat - down to recognising when we have bought a supermarket own brand item from a different supermarket. As it is she often ends up hiding in the corner under a lamp if doesn't class what we have given her as "safe". She had an epic meltdown last week that resulted from her dropping her biscuit and a small piece of the corner broke off.

Maybe don't make assumptions about a person and their lives based on a small snapshot?

oh wow im genuinely sorry for giving you the wrong impression and also for yes, your right assuming that i had clocked your situation correctly. I was being tongue in cheek and irreverent in my post about what i see as 'normal' families compared to my own. Obvs your situation is on the very high end of stress, especially with nutrition. So a good little lesson for me to not judge so.

Or is it that in some cases the desperation to have children leads some women to ignore incompatibilities or red flags?

DH makes the weekends and days out a million times better and more fun.

I don't have the ideal textbook marriage and we have our issues but what you describe sounds really, really shit and miserable.

What exactly does he bring to your life?

Yes, let's blame women for men not stepping up when they become fathers.

Is there anything we don't blame women for??

When I grew up my parents loved me and we still have a great relationship but I wasn’t the be all and end all of the family home, the whole world didn’t revolve around me and my wants and needs!

This is a load.of bullshit @Loulou4022 . Small children do absolutely demand that your entire life revolves around them. You have no memories of it as no one has memories from before they were 3.5 years old. And they keep being quite demanding for a few more years. So you just don't remember and appreciate it.

There are good reasons very few people have more than 1 or 2 kids, it's not just about how expensive they are.

Your posts come across as extremely naive. Yes, OP is clearly in an unhappy marriage, but the rest of the stuff you have written here is so naive, it made me laugh. Come back once you have a kid.

I’m am clearly naive and you’re clearly very rude!

Yeah but you should screenshot all your posts here and look back at them after you have a kid or two, it will give you a little laugh 😂

I had 3 kids and my whole household wasn't run around their needs and most definitely not their wants

I phrase I have on repeat when I feel like I'm drowning and surrounded by others that I feel are doing a much better job of life which is

don't judge your inside against others outsides

We can often be our own worst critic and it can look like others are managing things effortlessly but you are unaware of the mental gymnastics that are going on inside the other person at that very moment.

My daughter to her credit does generally look very well behaved when out in public that said, we have a good understanding of things that can trigger her explosiveness and for the sake of a nice day out we plan a day where we can accommodate her needs for the most part. She loves exploring and learning, but can get bored of watching and listening, she's not very good at transitions so getting ready to go somewhere and leaving a place can be tricky but we are working on both. You might see her for 2h running around the park exploring everything, you will have missed the 30 minutes discussion and stalemates that we got into trying to get her dressed in clothes remotely weather and activity appropriate and may well have left before the epic meltdown when trying to get her to leave and would miss her hiding in her favourite corner when she got home. You might have seen the baby sleeping calmly in his pram but missed the overtired screaming that he did as we walked around in circles wishing him to go to sleep. My reflection of the day would be one of a tight rope, constantly on edge because the wheels could come off at any moment, but you would have seen a girl loving life and positivity engaging with her parents and a calmly sleeping baby that is just "slotting in" with family life.

Another example of different internal /external voices would be two families on a day out. One with a packed lunch the other buying from the canteen. The parent with the packed lunch might be thinking "I bet they think we are tight or broke making our children eat soggy sandwiches and bruised apples on a day out"
The parent buying lunch might be thinking "they must be thinking we are too lazy or unprepared to bring lunch along for our children, is it a surprise to us that children need food at 12 o'clock"
Both doubting their own decisions as feeling that the other might be doing better than them at life

i mean, that’s possible but I have seen far too many situations where the men have just not turned out to parent they way they possibly even sincerely said they would to think the real problem is just women picking crap men.

“If he was so useless, why did you have a kid with him?” That kind of women-blaming shit gets trotted out here all the time and it’s tiresome. Duh, he didn’t seem useless before kids arrived.

I kind of see both sides.I feel anger and resentment at DH for making us walk on eggshells because he cannot fathom contentment in doing something that doesn’t directly serve his interests even if it makes other people happy. But I’m also angry and guilty that I didn’t realise he would be like this all along. He is a lot worse since we had children but he has always been selfish and I was in love so played in down I think.