Does anyone else prefer doing things just with their Dc?

[Whatwillbecomeofus]

As opposed to with your Dh/dp?

I always sort of look forward to us all being off and weekends and planning days out, but when it comes down to it, it’s quite rare that it goes as well as when it’s just me and Dd
Ive started to plan ‘Girls days’ as a reason for it to be just us. I feel lighter and happier
I’m guessing this isn’t normal, does anyone else feel like this?

Having children makes a huge difference to the majority of couples, there’s no point denying that

I’m not denying that?

It’s just a fact

We can have a good time with or without dh and I’m really glad I’m not with some grumpy arsehole who can’t even pop to the shops with the offspring he chose to being into the world. If dh gets moany I tell him to stfu and he gets over it, he’s aware it can be an issue as men get older and he doesn’t want to be like that.

What I don’t do though is drag him along to a concert or the theatre or anything I know he wouldn’t like. You see so many grumpy dads at pop concerts and I end up sat next to one nearly every time we go anywhere and it’s exhausting just being near them for a couple of hours, so I dread to think what it’s like living with them. Huffing and puffing and checking their watch after one song, dragging everyone out 20 mins before the end so they don’t get stuck in traffic. Twats. I can never decide if they’ve been dragged along by their wife because she can’t go anywhere on her own or he’s a controlling dickhead who won’t let his wife and kids out without him at night. Either way it’s such a waste of a seat at an often sold out concert and it’s like sitting next to a black hole.

Just a light hearted comment. I know they say men are meant to get grumpier as they get older…maybe a bit like dealing with menopause with teenagers is a valid (potential) downside of having kids later, maybe the same can be said for fathers!

Well be that as it may, but you might want to think about the impact of that “fact” on your marriage and family. I’m not surprised you’re not a happy family if you’re making your love a competition.

Oh god yeah for sure

Yes I do. He is always late and disorganised and it’s more stressful!

I’m not making anything a competition? Why are you just deliberately trying to rile things up? You have said you don’t have the same situation and that yours is great. This is great for you, enjoy it. I was commenting that when dc come along it changes things or did for me at least and Dd is my priority, I would assume for most mothers, their child ie their priority over their partner

I always preferred days out on my own with the children or with another friend and their children . Husband is a good man but very anal at times which leads to a less relaxed time .

You created this thread to say you prefer spending time with just her and not as a family unit. You’re on a discussion forum, I think your situation is sad and something as a family I’d have thought you’d want to fix and not just tolerate? Your daughter won’t be around forever; one day, it’ll just be you and your DH again. Hopefully.

It's not about it being a competition. It's just a fact that though you can love your partner ,100%, the love for your child is just more. I think it's a biological certainty that a mothers love is stronger than any other. Why you're getting so arsey at @Whatwillbecomeofus I don't know 🤷

Right?! X

I’m surprised at the replies. Both of us means 1-1 for the kids and easier but also just nice to be all together. I do love days just me and the kids but love it even more with my DH. It would be quite sad to think a nice day out would be better without him

Re prioritisation, surely most men prioritise their children too?
Mine does in the same way I do.

DH and I love days out together as a family!

But then we both chip in from getting the DC clothes ready, packed lunch, booking tickets etc - either one of us will do it.

We also take the DC out solo esp for 1:1 time with them but family days are both our (and DC) preference.

Don’t your DH’s feel like they’ve missed out on family time/new experiences/memories?

As I often say, there is no occasion so fun or so festive that my DH can't spoil. So yes, prefer just me and the DCs.

So sorry, how does he spoil it?

Yes. We have a family day out each week (DP, me and 2 x DS) but the rest of the time, it’s just me and them as he works 2 jobs. I love spending time with them, I even turn down plans with friends and their kids sometimes if we are not in a sociable mood 😆

Nah, don’t get this. I’d say the love I have for my DH and my children is different, but it’s not hierarchical. Personality wise, I prefer my DH to pretty much anyone. Including my children who are highly sensitive and don’t really share my interests (both neurodivergent). I always feel hyper vigilant when I’m with them due to their sensitivities and it can be draining. With DH I can just relax and be me. Don’t get me wrong, I have had some great experiences with my children, but they also cause me massive stress!

We’re a bit past family days out now but it was definitely easier to have 2 parents there, if only to divide and conquer.

For those of you with DH who spoil days out - what were they like on days out before you had kids?

I don’t mean pubs/clubs but dates to
museums, zoos, walks etc?

were they always miserable or is it the DC that make them so?

Both options are good in different ways. I enjoy both. I love days out with my three boys. But if DH isn’t working he comes too and shares the load so I feel I can relax more. (3 small boys is a lot !)

Great before, life was great before

I do enjoy spending time with my partner, but he likes what he likes and really struggles to enjoy (or pretend to enjoy) anything that is not "his thing". And while he doesn't actively make me not enjoy something, it is quite hard to enjoy something when you know he isn't enjoying himself. If this make sense. So it is sometimes easier to just go without him

It was like that with my exh. One of the reasons he’s an ex!

Not sure if your situation is right to compare. The point is that many women with children find it easier to take kids out on their own because their husband /partner doesn't integrate and support so it is more of a drain.
You may find that your situation would be different if you had children.