Does anyone else prefer doing things just with their Dc?

[Whatwillbecomeofus]

As opposed to with your Dh/dp?

I always sort of look forward to us all being off and weekends and planning days out, but when it comes down to it, it’s quite rare that it goes as well as when it’s just me and Dd
Ive started to plan ‘Girls days’ as a reason for it to be just us. I feel lighter and happier
I’m guessing this isn’t normal, does anyone else feel like this?

Yes exactly this. I love days out with just me and DH. I used to work 4 days a week and so had one day a week in the school holidays when it would be just me and the kids going on adventures. Days out with everyone involve more compromises / me being peacekeeper between what DH wants to do and what dc want to do (I enjoy both types of days out).

Best - me and one child
second best - me and both children
worst - children + me and DH

have no idea why two adults makes it harder; should be the opposite, but it does.

I think this is really common and I’m guessing you’re the main carer for your DD, OP. Yes,it’s completely natural that the two of you have an easy way together- that’s normal and a typical thing of being the main carer. Your husband doesn’t have as much experience yet as you do and therefore isn’t as adept and perhaps has unrealistic expectations.

This is very normal and exactly what hat I experienced when my kids were small (20 years ago). Assuming he’s otherwise a nice chap I would urge you not to dwell on it. It’s a normal part of one parent doing more childcare than the other. It doesn’t mean he’s any sort of bad dad or husband.

also don’t lean into it and try to do even more things just you and dd. The way you get through it is your husband gaining more experience, not just giving up. All three of you will benefit from you facilitating the bond between the two of them and from him doing more things with dd, even if it seems harder that way in the short term.

Same here

My day, my rules, no messing

Sadly I feel the same with my 2 teen DDs. Things feel more relaxed and i do feel like it's a girls day / evening. The kids bicker a lot which is wearing, but no easier with 2 parents. They talk more freely about friends and relationships with me. I have definitely been the default parent but also DH doesn't remember so much detail about their lives so when they want to talk about friends, it's bound to be easier with me.

I will say things are not great between DH and I and he also suffers from depression, which he is not managing well at the moment, so family days are sometimes difficult, which I feel sad about.

Hmm so you use him to breed and now gets relegated. Nice

My DH says exactly the same thing about DS and me so the feeling is very much mutual, don’t worry.

I'm not worried.If you both happy with it then fine However it was a major part of the reason that I split with DSs dad.

My first holiday,alone with my children was absolutely the best.
We decided what to do. And more importantly,what not to do.
There was no pressure to make sure we got out money's worth.
If a place was rubbish. We left.
If ex had been there we would have had to stay.

I‘m a single parent and my children are my best friends. They’re fantastic company. Watching them enjoy the world is my greatest joy. That said, we sometimes go on holiday with their dad and I sometimes enjoy that too, just another adult to watch them and take them to the loo, or go to the park. It’s easier, but I’m less relaxed.

I'm the opposite. I much prefer doing things with DH and DC rather than just DC because I find it easier.

being the child of warring parents who actively despised each other
there is no greater gift you can give your children than happy parents who love each other, and prioritise their marriage as well as being parents

children are not the centre of the world, ideally they should see adult relationships as important
i did not have this and it has shaped my whole life

Definitely DD & I. DH is a grumpy old man. He used to be fun. Doesn't want to go anywhere, and if he does go, always comments later that he didn't want to go. Sometimes he just grumps all day. I end up compromising on everything I want to keep him happy enough to not ruin DC day. I don't enjoy it at all & it's hard work.

It does sting that if it's for his DF or hobby, he's suddenly motivated, organised & springs out the door, happy.

DS is a teen and isn't interested anymore, which I do find sad.

DD though, is happy to spend time with me. We choose simple things to do, somewhere to eat, it costs very little and it's easy and fun. I love the rare weekends when DH & DS are away with their hobby.