To think there is no genuine reason a 40-year-old man would be interested in a 22-year-old?

[Frequency]

DD is online dating again and is messaging with a 40-year-old man. She is utterly convinced that he is interested in her as a person and that he is a genuine man. They like the same music, attend the same concerts, play the same games, and follow the same anime series.

I believe there are only 2 reasons a man this age would be interested in a 22-year-old.

1. He wants the kudos of bedding a woman in their 20s.

2. There is something wrong with him, and women his own age are too old and wise to tolerate his bullshit, so he needs to target women too young to know better.

For context, I am 44, and the idea of dating one of DD's mates is horrifying. I like them well enough. I'll happily sit and have a drink with them or a night out with them, but some of the things they say and do are childish and irritating, and I'd sooner gouge out my eyeballs with a rusty spork than be in a committed relationship with one of them.

According to DD, he works full-time and owns his own home, so he is not a basement-dwelling incel.

He wants to take her out for dinner on Monday. She's told him she's on her period, and he says that's fine, they're only going for dinner, and he doesn't want sex with her on their first date. He wants to get to know her. I don't believe him, but it's convinced DD even more that he is genuine.

She doesnt know this guy! Having been on many online dates myself, I know that at least 70-80% of the time they look very different from their pictures. They often seem completely different. You can't tell what weird thing they're going to do that will give you the ick. And you definitely can't tell from online conversation if they're going to be aggressive

That's why you don't tell them in advance that you're going to sleep with them!

It's probably been said already, but what she's actually implied is that sex won't be happening because she's got her period, which in turn implies that it would happen if she hadn't.

I've always worked on the assumption that sex just won't happen on a first date. I could always change my mind if I felt so inclined.

EXACTLY!

She probably thinks she’s being all sex-positive and proactive by telling him she can’t shag him yet because she’s on her period. Lots of young women these days seem to have been deluded into thinking that’s feminism now 🙄

His motives are painfully simple, and very obvious.

So are hers by the sound of it.

'Targeting' is a wild overreaction. She's not a child, neither is she a victim.

Devils advocate, what if it were roles reversed?

Like hundreds of thousand of adults all over the internet and OLD apps. This isn't the Victorian era any more.

i would just say to dd its to big an age gap almost 20y.
He’ll be 50 to her 32. I dont really think 40+ men should be having kids either. Theres an increase in MH issues in the kids. (We had a dd with mh issues and the nhs wont do anything.

Increased rates of autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, suicide attempts and substance abuse problems were all reported.

Comparing children of a 45-year-old dad to those of a 24-year-old father it indicated:
autism was more than three times as likely
a 13-fold increased risk of ADHD
double the risk of a psychotic disorder
25 times more likely to have bipolar disorder
2.5 times more likely to have suicidal behaviour or problems with drugs
lower scores at school
There was no starting point after which the risk started to increase, rather any increase in age had an associated increase in risk.
However, the overall risk is likely to remain low. Even if a the risk of a rare disorder is doubled, it is still very unlikely to affect a child.
The problem is small increases in risk scaled up over millions of people having children later can lead to an increased incidence of such disorders.

Well so are hers, shes been fairly up front about it, she wants a friend with benefits

Nothing wrong with that at all.

Theres nothing to indicate SEN. Just just 22.

She's probably quite inexperienced dating actual adult men. Telling men your on your period to avoid sex is normal for someone in their late teens/early 20s. Hence why people that young should shag people their own age

Exactly, its not 'targeting' to be on a dating site looking for each other. Is she targeting him then given she set out her own parameters?

Disgusting. A family friends 23 year old daughter is seeing a 48 year old man - been going on a few months. His own son is 21. What the hell is wrong with these men? Perverts. Just because they can, doesn’t mean they should!

I mean they met online dating, which means he likely set his age preferences to include 22yos at 40. Whether he's been able to attract many 22yos is another matter but he's actively trying

He may genuinely like her for who she is, Im sure she has a lot about her. That doesn't mean there isn't a power/maturity imbalance

Similar age gap between my best friend and her DH. They met when she was early 20s.. Been married for 25 years now.

And she would have set hers to include 40 year olds.

I used to have old men try and hit on me all the time in my late teens/ early twenties.

Most of these men kid themselves such young woman want them for their looks or personality. Certainly in my case, it was only the rich ones who stood a chance.

I find it creepy too OP. I am wary of men in their late thirties/early forties who haven’t been married or had a long term relationship.

Peter Pan syndrome comes to mind.

I think often on apps men are yes men. They tell women what they think they want to hear. Dd says she is into x band he will agree. Yes the only reason is sex. Women their own age are much less likely to want shit one night stands where the man disappears and can see through the conversation or lack of.

I was in my 20s when I met my DP who was in his 40s. We’re now 40s/60s with two DC. Not all men have bad intentions.

The fact he's not your DH speaks volumes though. Theres also a high chance you'll become his carer and the fact he likes younger women to worry about.

Speaks volumes?

About what?

The boundary being I normally have sex with a guy the first time I meet him but you're a week out?

Ugh the best case scenario is he wants a girlfriend that is incredibly in awe of his perfectly average to slightly below par life achievements, like he’s a guy that needs a cheerleader. How tiresome.

Anyone can become a carer at any age. I know women in their 30s whose children are their carers.

“She's a fully grown adult.“
I beg to differ. If my daughter was entering into a conversation like that with some bloke she’d never met I’d not let her out of the house.