To think there is no genuine reason a 40-year-old man would be interested in a 22-year-old?

[Frequency]

DD is online dating again and is messaging with a 40-year-old man. She is utterly convinced that he is interested in her as a person and that he is a genuine man. They like the same music, attend the same concerts, play the same games, and follow the same anime series.

I believe there are only 2 reasons a man this age would be interested in a 22-year-old.

1. He wants the kudos of bedding a woman in their 20s.

2. There is something wrong with him, and women his own age are too old and wise to tolerate his bullshit, so he needs to target women too young to know better.

For context, I am 44, and the idea of dating one of DD's mates is horrifying. I like them well enough. I'll happily sit and have a drink with them or a night out with them, but some of the things they say and do are childish and irritating, and I'd sooner gouge out my eyeballs with a rusty spork than be in a committed relationship with one of them.

According to DD, he works full-time and owns his own home, so he is not a basement-dwelling incel.

He wants to take her out for dinner on Monday. She's told him she's on her period, and he says that's fine, they're only going for dinner, and he doesn't want sex with her on their first date. He wants to get to know her. I don't believe him, but it's convinced DD even more that he is genuine.

You know what her Tinder profile says?

OP, you need boundaries. She's 22 years old.

And she needs to move out ASAP ". I would want to know who she was meeting and where, and if I should expect her home that night, regardless of whether she was meeting online dates or a best mate she's known since nursery school."

She's not a teenager.

@oliviaAustin Say that beginning bit to all the men who only date plus size women on the down low because they don’t want their mates to find out.

Might be true for very young men (no man over the age of 30 has "mates", that's a thing for teens and 20-somethings). I don't care what women that other men have relationships with.

Women are status symbols to men in many cases. Not all but many do absolutely consider what other people see in their partner.

I think you're projecting. You may care what women think of your male partner, but the reverse is not true. You are assuming that other people think how you do.

What 😂 My 31 year old husband absolutely has mates. He has many friends.

Yes, I'm sure there are, and there's nothing wrong with that - my comment is just because there was some doubt as to this guy's motives - I was just stating my opinion of the situation.

He doesn't like the same things as her, she's 22 and he's much older.

@flippertygibbet4 my parents, with the same age gap, got talking because they had the same interests and hobby. Why do you think that these two people can't like the same things?
You don't stop liking something because you've hit 40. I've had the same interest and enthusiasm for a leisure occupation since I was 7. And now I'm 70 and just as interested in it. Incidentally it's an interest that has led to me having friends of all ages

And if your latter point is true then why does the term ‘trophy wife’ exist?

So an 80 year old can date a 47 year old but if they're only 46 it should be illegal??

Such a bizarre thread but no, of course that's not the only reasons an older man is interested in a younger woman. My parents were 19 and 35 when they got married, my DDad sadly died a year ago after the most loving 50yrs of marriage. They were best friends and never happier than when they were together.
My dad was just quite naive, socially awkward and a little on the neurodiverse side possibly!

I think the pp was saying they have to be friends once one acquires the grand age of 30, and stop referring to them as mates as that is for the fickle youth 😂😂

I don’t think it’s the age difference that many people are frowning on but your daughters casual sharing personal info so soon in early dating stage period on first date, doesn’t your daughter have bit more respect? If she’s the generation that questions everything why isn’t she questioning her response to him. Yes it’s her choice to date someone which massive age difference you told her opinion she but she asks her friends. She shares with you and you share with mumsnet. Sadly I doubt that they really share the same interests and he’s just feeding her what she wants to hear.

What an utterly stupid comment. It's never been a "rule", and nobody's relationships should be policed, beyond age of consent and the laws on abuse.

Not saying it doesn’t feel a bit off in these times but a female at 22 is, all things being normal, in her physical & sexual prime. Speak to Mother Nature if you don’t like this. So yes, you don’t need a detective to tell you that this guy wants to get very physical with her. Everything else is merely detail but he’s got one main goal.

James Bond is an entire franchise where the middle aged anti hero sleeps with young, beautiful women, some in their early twenties. It was considered very normal up until fairly recently. Men will never not find 22 year old women attractive, although I know this is an uncomfortable truth for some to hear.

And every year, their relationships would be illegal until the youngest had a birthday.

I started dating my now husband when he was 38 and I was 25.

She’s probably going for an older man as she’s quite immature from this over parenting and now sees other adults as enablers.

So it sounds like she’d be fine with it.
I think the reason the vast majority of 40 year olds would be after for 20 year olds is far more simple than people are making out.
they just want sex. And the 20 somethings are hot.

just as your dd, they don’t want anything more complicated. Just sex.

I’ve very quickly NC’d to say that my ExH was the same age as me and incredibly emotionally/financially and occasionally physically abusive. My now H is an even bigger gap than that and treats me like a queen.

If she 22 and warning him that sex is off the table then there's not much you can do . She's an adult .

'Trophy wife' refers more to the woman being valued solely for her appearance, rather than caring what others think of the relationship. It's also noteable that 'trophy wife' is only ever used for the wives of the extremely wealthy, less than 0.1% of men.

I see, I apologise I should have known that we now only have bosom pals and not mates now we’re in our lifelong decline.

This is a result of patriarchy for years and women being less financially independent and the gender pay gap etc. why else would you need an older man to set you up in life?
it happens to older women with young men from poor countries. It’s economy not biology and men exploit it in our culture more because they have a sense of entitlement to women’s bodies

No it wouldn't. Once it was legal it would stay legal.

And yes, it should be the law.

‘Valued for her appearance’ vs ‘caring what others think’ mean the same thing bozo. The man wants her as his wife because her appearance reflects well on him emphasising that he is successful and rich enough to get said trophy. And since when did it only refer to the 0.1%? Passport bros also come to mind.

Yup. I had to write to my mates and formally retitle them as friends. It was hard for those who were still only 29 and wanted to be mates but I told them alas, no, I am too old for that now.

Well, thankfully it is not law.