To be annoyed that he didn’t respond or contact me after my message?

[theecvitent]

My new bf who is 50 , went away yesterday to a friend with other friends. We text a bit through the day and he did something really kind for me.
I am sick at the moment, a chest infection and ear infection. I’m quite poorly .
Im at home in bed since yesterday afternoon and despite me tell ing him this Ona voice note , he hasn’t bothered to contact me once since or acknowledge the voice note.
I suggested we have a call before I remembered he was going to be away with his buddies doing an activity . He said probably not which is fair enough .
im a bit disappointed here.
AIBU?

I think you're overreacting. He's a new boyfriend not your carer he's away with his friends. You might be feeling a vulnerable because you're ill.

You’ll get a mixed bag here… but tbh it boils down to your boundaries. For me this would cross my boundary. I don’t believe it’s hard to think about your romantic partner while you are away and send a text to check in, I’m not particularly high maintenance but I expect to be treated how I’d treat a new partner. I would probably rethink the relationship. For others they’d be fine. If you’ve raised it on here, it crossed a boundary for you, you’re hurting and that’s something you need to tackle.

He went yesterday
he did a nice thing yesterday
you were both texting each other yesterday
you left a voice note yesterday

Jesus, let the man breathe!

I get you’re poorly and feeling lonely/miserable but there has been a lot of contact, now let him enjoy his time without messaging you every five minutes.

Is there another friend you can chat to while you’re feeling crap and stuck in bed?

How long have you been together?
I expect he was worried you were wanting him to cancel his trip (were you?).

How old are you OP?

I think if he is with friends he probably hasnt listened to the voice message, he probably thought "i will listen to that later when im on my own" then forgot , or it was late and he thought I wont message now as it may wake her.

He is away with friends and still messaged you throughthe day, and also did something kind for you, focus on that.

I hope you get well soon

If I was away with friends and DH left me a voice note instead of a message I would find it annoying as it’s rude to listen to them in company/not always somewhere private etc.

He's away with friends. Let the man breathe.

They were texting each other throughout the day!

No I did not want him to cancel! I just wanted an acknowledgement of my message and even some kindness when I was sick . I’m pretty disappointed tbh. He’s been nothing but attentive , eager , consistent and kind since we met. They’ve gone to help that friend with manual work in his home but a minute to text wouldn’t have killed him!

I’m the same age… 50.
maybe a bit old fashioned

@SoScarletItWas I CAN read. I haven’t argued with anyone here, no interest in it. I have a different view, that is allowed.

But you said he was texting you a bit in the day.

As others say, the voice note may have been something he didn't want to deal with in front of his friends or like I suggest he may have thought you had escalated to a voice note rather than a text as you were pleading how unwell you are (and therefore hinting you wanted him to come back). He may have chosen to ignore this as he is with his friends.

Voice notes are a pain! Unlike texts you cant just look quickly and reply. You need to be somewhere with sufficient privacy to listen when you say he went to work with a friend.

I think you are overreacting sorry. How long have you been together?

@Sunshinemoonlightboogie of course, and I’m not intending to start an argument. I just can’t see why the texting all day and doing a kind thing on the same day wasn’t ’checking in’. It looks like plenty to this neutral observer.

He listened to the message before he went and I had played it down as I felt then it was only a head cold: sore throat etc.

We’re together medium distance about six months

I had a voice note from a dear friend the other day. Listened to the start to make sure it wasn’t an emergency and then left it and didn’t go back to it for 24 hours. They’re much trickier to do a quick reply to!

you do sound pretty needy tbh. The poor man is trying to have a nice weekend and you’re on his phone moaning about having a bug. I think you need to chill out.

Maybe focus on how great he's been? You can't be his primary focus every day.

Voice notes are a pain in the arse anyway, especially if you're with other people.

i agree he might not have listened to the voice note. I often don’t for ages as they’re annoying to listen to when you’re busy or with other people.

What exactly would you have liked him to do differently?

Poor guy just wants to go away with friends and have some fun and you’re at home trying to smother him. Leave him be.

Why didn’t you just text? Voice notes/mail are so annoying, they’re a whole thing aren’t they. You can’t just glance at it like a text.

6 months is early days. Could he have just got carried away with his mates? Had a few drinks etc?? I am personally crap at texting loved ones when I socially drink with friends.

We voice note a lot. We both message a bit too as we live apart. We always finish the day with a text or chat but on top of being sick , I felt disappointed that he didn’t acknowledge that illness not to mention a quick good night text. Is it really that much to expect that? Esp in these early stages ?

Yeah they are!!