To be annoyed that he didn’t respond or contact me after my message?

[theecvitent]

My new bf who is 50 , went away yesterday to a friend with other friends. We text a bit through the day and he did something really kind for me.
I am sick at the moment, a chest infection and ear infection. I’m quite poorly .
Im at home in bed since yesterday afternoon and despite me tell ing him this Ona voice note , he hasn’t bothered to contact me once since or acknowledge the voice note.
I suggested we have a call before I remembered he was going to be away with his buddies doing an activity . He said probably not which is fair enough .
im a bit disappointed here.
AIBU?

If you make this a thing he will see red flags.

So you were in touch yesterday? He is away helping a friend- I am sure you will hear from him later.

Rubbish feeling ill but I think you are being needy (probably because you feel rubbish).

Let him be, you're not dying. He's giving time and attention to a friend.

I really don't want to put the boot in but you sound needy and like you're smothering him. By your own admission you played it down (sore head / throat) so I don't blame him for getting on with catching up / helping out his friend(s)
I'd be fed up with your voice note if I can't go away and do my own thing for two minutes without your expectations that I should be in touch. Time flies when you're having fun, sorry, he just wasn't thinking about you, he was away enjoying himself, nothing wrong with that.

I saw this message and just remembered my brother sent me a voice note yesterday when I was at work and I’ve not listened to it as I was in the office at the time. He probably hasn’t listened to it, you could have sent that in a text and gotten a quicker response.
Either way, he’s your new boyfriend and not your carer. If you listen to your VN when you send them and respond immediately then the relationship will not be what you need. It’s not working for you and you can end it for any reason

So is he doing some construction and hands on stuff for a friend?

You will ruin his weekend if you continue. If you are "disappointed" on his return he will see a further🚩 🚩
However, if you aren't happy with this sort of situation, you should end things. You are entitled to your own standards and boundaries. You are not entitled to make someone feel bad for feeling differently. That is a form of control.

This is what you should focus on. His kindness. You have only known each other a very sort time, you don’t fully know the other person’s expectations yet. In time you will mesh more and learn each other, but he is not doing anything wrong by focusing on his friends he is spending the weekend with. He’ll probably check in with you at some point today.

You do sound a bit needy! I’m currently away with my friends and didn’t contact my husband at all yesterday as I was too busy having a nice time!!

no need to create drama out of this.

If he was with friends it might be awkward to listen to a voice note so he's probably waiting til he's on his own to do that. Leave him to enjoy his break & don’t worry unless you don't hear when he's back.
Hope you feel better soon!

He listened to it yesterday afternoon

You said he's gone to do an activity/manual work so he's busy and can't constantly be texting and listening to messages. To be honest you sound needy and hard work. Give him a break. If this was the other way round, people would be saying he was controlling and demanding your attention all the time was a red flag.

It is.

Don't spoil a good thing OP. Let it go.

Voice notes are the worst. My friend does them and I get four minutes of verbal diarrhoea and I will be out on a walk or with other people so it’s not really like I can play them. And then am i supposed to reply to every point she talked about in her ramble? They’re like answerphone messages.

You are coming across as a needy teenager it wont end well

The trouble with voice messages is that you have to be somewhere private to listen to them or risk everyone hearing something you might not want them to. My husband of well over thirty years is kind and attentive but when he goes away with his mates may not be able to call at all or text for hours. He'll usually check in daily but if he didn't I wouldn't worry too much. I grew up before mobile phones but younger people do seem to get anxious without constant contact - it must be very exhausting for everyone! If he was kind and attentive before he went away, I'd cut him some slack.

My husband is really good at texting and calling regularly when he is away. I'm not half as good. When I'm away,my mind is distracted. I focus on what I'm doing at the present time. I only think about him at very downtime times. I do make sure I keep in touch regularly as much as possible but it's not as often as him.

We're just different with our time and thinking process. He has never complained though.

So all that’s happened here is a new boyfriend hasn’t sent you a text since yesterday afternoon. And it’s 8.25am.

And he did something nice.

OP. Don't be fobbed off. If you feel undervalued, then that is a fact. To ignore how you feel now sets you up for potentially getting hurt, or your needs unmet by him in future.

Look at the statistics on men who abandon decades long marriages when their wives get ill. It's a grimly high proportion. It's not the same here obviously, but I would have my senses heightened for any bullshit.

I would be light and easy about it but I would also be making note of his manner, and I would act accordingly to preserve my peace. No man is worth dropping your expectations for. But also he is busy, so maybe neutrally see what he comes up with in the next few days.

Your coming across as needy and insecure. I know that are unwell, let him enjoy his friends company. It’s annoyed texting in company when on a short stay.

Why can’t he just enjoy a night out with his friends without having to fuss over you?

Yes. Everyone keeps telling you the same thing so rewording it won't get a new answer. He text you a lot, kept up to date with you, said you probably wouldn't hear from him and now you are finding reasons to be mad or disappointed. It's not him, it's you, OP. Like someone else said, maybe you're feeling vulnerable because you're ill, but that's not his fault.

I would be careful here if you like him, you’re at risk of being overbearing and giving him the ick!!