To be annoyed that he didn’t respond or contact me after my message?

[theecvitent]

My new bf who is 50 , went away yesterday to a friend with other friends. We text a bit through the day and he did something really kind for me.
I am sick at the moment, a chest infection and ear infection. I’m quite poorly .
Im at home in bed since yesterday afternoon and despite me tell ing him this Ona voice note , he hasn’t bothered to contact me once since or acknowledge the voice note.
I suggested we have a call before I remembered he was going to be away with his buddies doing an activity . He said probably not which is fair enough .
im a bit disappointed here.
AIBU?

Fair enough you are not generally needy but in this situation you are being needy. You have had multiple posters tell you that is is behaving overly needy here.

It is too early in the relationship to push your needs onto him, it will put him off. Adults are expected to manage our own needs and have relationships that balance needs. This is too new a relationship to have reached that point.

How were you in your previous relationships OP? It seems to me from the very title of your thread that you have certain expectations which you think are not being met and this is annoying you. Do you have issues with abandonment perhaps? I imagine you want to feel nurtured. It’s only been six months with this man. If you’ve got a chest infection, see your gp and get some antibiotics. I’d probably get under a blanket with some broth and watch Friends.

Cmon you can’t really think thar, that he has no agency in his life and simply always has to be available to call whenever she wishes.

i don’t know about you, but the kind of loser who would do thar is not a man I’d want to be with,

When I am away with friends , he texts very regularly so it’s unusual and as we are not really getting f to know each other, we’re probably setting expectations . I also have a very full and busy life. It’s just a little unusual based on our usual communication , that’s all.
maybe when he does away, he likes no contact but when I go away , I do t mind it and he contacts me all the time !

Why did you voicenote to say you were unwell? There was absolutely no need to tell him this, you have a chest infection, you're not dying! To me, if I got that voice note from a new boyfriend when I was away with friends I'd think it a bit manipulative and an attempt to put a dampener on my weekend. He doesn't need to know that right now, just let him enjoy his weekend with his friends. FWIW Im the same age as you and I wouldn't expect texts whilst a new bf was on holiday and neither would I text them if it was the other way round. You sound very insecure. It sounds like he has made a lot of effort so far and things are going well. Don't drive him away.

Yes. This exactly.

He probably thinks you want to be left in peace to sleep it off. That's all I want to do when I have flu type illnesses.

This constant need to be in touch I don’t think is good for relationships because as soon their is a change it raises questions

he is just busy and enjoying himself there is no more to it than that

Your illness is a red herring here.

he is doing manual labour with friends. I’d guess that makes checking phones regularly pretty rude and virtually impossible

the fact you’re ill means he thinks your in bed sleeping and not really fussed about chatting.

Why wouldn't he want to call his girlfriend though? They've only been together six months. It's not being a loser to check in with someone while you're away, especially if they are ill.
I'm not suggesting he has to be available at all times instantly, but a call arranged for later in the day/next day isn't unreasonable.

I actually agree with you op - I’d be pretty disappointed - I don’t think it takes long to send a message - check in - especially if your normally in daily contact . Do you know or know of the friends he’s with ? Hope your feeling a bit brighter today xx

Absolutely agreed! It seems weird to me that some posters are saying she shouldn’t message her boyfriend to tell him she’s ill and that expecting kindness and thought back is needy. It’s not a major ask. It’s not a brand new boyfriend, they’ve been together six months, she should be able to message and share her vulnerability. But she’s being shouted down over a basic ask for a need to be met.

"Morning babe hope you're feeling a bit better, busy day ahead over here! X"

Took me 20 secs, tops

You seem a bit needy and demanding. I'd find it a bit suffocating in a new relationship.

Wow. Your feelings are valid because you want to be speak to someone you care about when feeling ill but he is spending time with his friends. Chill a bit. He is your boyfriend not your emotional support puppy and he sounds like he does care for you, has been responsive to you being poorly and overall lovely to you. He has not done anything wrong by not texting you back for a while!

Also has no one been out with friends and time get away from them? Maybe his phone died? Maybe there was no signal where they were? Maybe they knew OP was sick and didn’t want to message them or call in case they woke them up…. Completely reasonable to not respond to someone immediately.

If my husband of 14 years was a bit poorly and kept messaging me whilst I was away with friends I'd ignore him too.

I have not messaged him at all ! Anyway thanks everyone for your opinions . I’ll take them in board as he is special .

Leave him alone. I'd find that level of needless suffocating. Honestly not trying to be mean OP. Just try to self soothe and don't test him x

Hes working manuel labor then dinner then pub seeing friends, maybe he hasnt had time or space, and yes you are being needy, no one likes ill people and theres nothing he can do, its not sexy to be ill,

Stop being so needy.

OP…I mean this kindly, because you’re obviously not feeling well and this makes you more vulnerable than usual.

This level of neediness will drive him away…this is your problem, so you need to deal with it so that you don’t end up being dumped. Honestly, if a partner acted this way with me, it would freak me out so badly I’d run a mile. It’s stifling…and whilst some people do actually like this level of intensity, the vast majority don’t. Step back, have a think about why you are feeling and behaving in this way, and work on being more rational moving forward.

Don’t put him on a pedestal as being special as as soon as he isn’t living up to your expectations you are upset

he sounds like a nice guy but as others have said just relax a little

someone putting you in this position and wanting from you all the time becomes a burden (or if they are not so nice a way to manipulate you)

How can you tell?